Yeah. Its fucking bullshit

Yeah. Its fucking bullshit.

I am a paranoid schizophrenic myself. A functioning paranoid schizophrenic. Meaning, that I've been told: don't watch pornography. Just don't do it. Okay? No, its not okay. I live in a dark and terrible world. So, I understand that you look at you family, see it, and do not want anyone in the vicinity watching pornography. I get that. You don't want your son to see it. You don't want me to see it as I interact with your daughter. I get it.

But, I said that I am paranoid. I am not depraved. I am paranoid. Meaning, that yes, like you, I am afraid of it too. It is something to fear. Not for everyone, but for me it is. Not for everyone. Correct? Correct? Correct?

I am instutionalized for self-harm. In a mental asylum. I am accused of being psychotic and paranoid. I come out. Am angry. And search for that illicit material. Online. No virtual private network. Not Onion router. And find it. About 1 million illicit images that would put you in prison. Obviously, I am terrified of getting caught and , indeed, being raped in prison. Don't worry about me. About 1 million images. Personally downloaded. From professisonal studios. Professionals. I also find images of children being tortured. Bone crushing. Electrocutions. Rape. A lot of it. Expanding acrosss continents. All modern. I find war footage. decapitations. The amount of it absurd. And here is a hint: Chinese Twitter. Yes, you can find that sort of thing, both the war footage and illicit material in Chinese Twitter. Yes, twitter.

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Anywayis, that is the meaning of a "functional paranoid schizophrenic". Meaning that, yes. I do not see things for a fact. The things that I am afraid of, those are not what nI expect to be "fact". I don't know that they are real. By definition, being terrified of such things is "psychotic".

But, I am obviously able to procure exceedingly large amounts of illicit material and contraband without too much of a problem. I am actually functional.. I may be by definition psychotic and even schizophrenic, but I get things done as I say that I will get them done.

The fucked up thing about it being that I, and I alone, have been watching horror movies since infancy in 1999. IT. Child's Play. The beginner's things. That, escalating, non-stop, into Martyr's and Salo around 2013. Non-Stop. So yes, I was 7 years of age , in the second grader, and coming back home to watch the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. And, don't be fooled, no other human would do such a thing. Even if they think that they'd be the daring, defiant and brave-hearted individuals that they think that they are, as heroes or villains, they are lying. Those are terrifying films.

But the reality is according. As I said, I found the material and it is all there. Omitting the The Onion Router. Omitting it. I don't disbelief that it is there. I belief that there is a lot of illicit material. However, I don't forsee myself visting it because there is no real intellectual value to it. There is intellectual value to visiting "legal" sitess. The reality beintg in that: everyone does what they want!

And it sounds something that is "pleasure" based, but it is not. You see me looking at a picture of a decapitated child in israel, without a Stir in my face, and think "Does that look normal to you?" And my, honest, answer is ;yes. It looks nornal. It happens all the time. They get killed all the time. The get kidnapped and killed all the time. And they do, in fact, have nuclear bombs after a millenia of conflict.

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It looks normal. It looks very normal to me. I've been seeing people being decapitated in Hollywood horror movies since I was 5 years of age, and I watched a man getting his pinky getting cut off with an ax over a stone or cinderblock when I was about 13 years of age. And that, that, sent a nauseating feeling of visceral terror up my stomach because it was the first real dismemberment that I ever saw. I saw Martyrs about 7 years later and was, still, terrified. But in the meanwhile, I watched dozens of horror films and real life murderr videos without losing a moment of peace.

That's how real it is.

I know that I am not being insensitive. The reality is, that I tell you: Hey. Just stay out of other people's business. Stay in your in own lane, train your reflexes and build your own private kingdom. Zen garden. Okay? No. People want to compete, blame, deny, hide, sabotage, and harm and by the time that someone is getting murdered it is time to say" Oh, look. Someone got it again. Whatever.


Anyways, that's the image of a dark world. Most people don't live there. If they say that they do, they are lying.

People just abuse the image of a "dark world" to get away with things that they shouldn't be doing.

Anyways, I am currently living with roommates, it is a horrifying, mind numbing experience. I have to constantly be paranoid about what it is that they are actually doing and why. I am, for example, enjoying a bt of aristic photography. Artists and speakers that I truly enjoy. Liberal. Women who won't ever prod you into stealing, much less raping. Very civil. Have I watched pornography? Sure. But, i've never enjoyed sadism, so therefore my conscience is clean. It is basically FemJoy Intensified.Something that a Hollywood actress would say: oh really? Where can I get more? My conscience is clean. But, I don't enjoy sadism. I know what it is. I know that it is out there. I know what is going on

. Nonthelesss, here I am calmly editing a few photographs regarding women who happen to be beautiful. I am expelling about 99.99% percent of "beautiful" women out of the photoediting stream because they are strangters. Most of them, amoral and greedy perverts. I don't care about the surface. But, I understand, woman do not want to look like Oprah. At the same time, I could photoshop Oprah and make her look magnificent. There is something about body language. It isn't about beautiful and ugly. It is about beauty. Power. Elegance. Intelligence. Oprah has at least 2 of those things. 4 of them? Meh, not really. But, that is a lot have. And the key poiint in photography being that you should never heighten the contrast to the maximum and angle the camera downwards to the face before taking the photofilter off and saying "Ew.". You should photoshop Ophra holding a wine glass, or a book, and making her look like a Victorian age monarch or Queen as you quiver in shame at her power and elegance; and that is art. And when you take the filter of, you should be able to say: I can still see it. That's art.

But, for the meantime, I am working with women who happen to be beautiful. Or pretty. Whatever you want to describe it as.

Anyways, I hear a knock on my door, open it, casually thank my roommate as she brings something like a toothpaste or something of that nature for me. It is casual, normal and routine. However, as she walks aways, I notice that she is hunching her back, looking pitiful, and not only slouching but almost shouting "Yes I know! I am fat and ugly! Leave me alone!" With her, pitiful, body language.

So, what is the lesson that I need to learn. Stop worrying about superficial appearances. Correct? Correct?

Well, I think so to and am in a daze thinking; did I see it or did I not see it? Did I see it or did I not see it? For about 2 days.

That is, until I remember; This fucking bitch! We've been to the grocery store together,

Are you off your meds user?

And have been serviced by a bagging girl who happened to beautiful. I am always polite and civil. Always. I leave 1 dollar for tip on 10 dollar , 3 minute orderr, and 5 dollars on a 20 dollar , sit in, meal at a restaurant. That is what I do. If you can't afford that; then don't fucking eat out! Fucking animals. Anyways, as I am about to reach for the bag to carry, a fucking TIDE detergent or something like that, this bitch, my roommate, actually screeches and wails at me as I am about thank the grocery bagging girl for services because I've worked retail and know that her jobs is humilliating, but even that she won't "let" me do! And it isn't the first time that this happens. She isn't pretending. She actually has that sort of extreme jealousy when it comes to romanticism and good looking girls.


So I don't know if you are catching the summary of what is going on, but she is one moment angling herself so as to feel pitiful and too shameful about her appearance, and hunched back, before wailing and schreeching at another person, me, in another moment while totally hiding it in a rush.

The same thing going on with her husband. I get the Corona virus. Am sick. And now, he offers himself to serve tea and the like. A geniunely sincere gesture. Correct? Well, I am now paranoid about him cornering me into a situation and setting up psychological situations ready for detonation in his favor and against me. Now, he is the "good one" and I am not only possibly the bad one, posssibly, but the "weak one" as sick. I then remember, that mother fucker saw me eaching the one meal that I eat during the Quarantine, one fucking meal, which happened to be nothing but pastries out of the 60 LEFT OVER pastries that they left behind a communal theatrical dance gathering. LEFT OVER pastries. LEFT OVER! And he had the nerve to yell at me, as well screeching and wailing, when seeing me walking away from it. And it wasn't a bucket full of pastries.. It must have been like

post tits

Is that obvious kek

The real question is... DID YOU WATCH ANY OF THAT DOUBLE ANAL STUFF?!? CRAZY HUH?? Oh, sorry about that 'crazy' I threw in there

yeah but post tits or stfu

Nah that isn't my real question, double anal has no interest to me.
But yeah it's quite obvious that you are skating into lala land.

3 or 4 fucking pastries. It wasn't "a lot" fo a being AN ENTIRE DAY'S WORTH OF FUCKING FOOD during quarantine, but, he seriously did raise his voice at me, and I did confront him about it.

The point being that had I slapped or punched each ot them, then and there, as they raised their voice at me, it would have totally made sense. To them too. I am not saying that it would have been legal, nice, friendly, welcomed, or even actually "fair". It would have made sense.

And, the summary nof it all that; THAT'S THE FUCKING BACKGROUND!

People don't fucking get it. Or they do. They do. That's why they know enough to feel ashamed about their appearance or to serve tea for a sick a person. They know enough. And the fact is; do you feel insecure about your appearance? LOOK AROUND! Fat, retarded, abominations in America eating pastries all day long; you should feel ashamed! You should! Look at THEIR pastries, and don't eat them! You will naturally become thinner. It happens naturally.

But you can't be "nice" both to such abominable gluttons and the poor bagger girl at the store who happens to be pretty. You can't. And, it isn't me pitying the good looking people of the world. This is America. I simply, personally, never saw the upper class or the beautiful people abusing the "inferiors" so much. I've heard of it happening. I know that it happens. But now, I remember the fat, old and the ugly people at work intending to raise their voices at me. And I quit. They are still fat. They are still ugly. They are still old and useless.

What I am talking about is that they are not "humble and helpful" when serving tea for the sick or simply "not beautiful" and lamentable or pitiful when comparing to a more beautiful sort of world. No, they are setting up situations, where they are first the servants or the victims before coming out of hiding and attacking the allegedly richer or more beautiful without meaning that they as "indignated" have a history of being

we can't help you user you need to take your meds and definitely not watch porn ever again

of being violent, cruel, abusive and negligent or even irresponsible. Or, that they are ignoring the history that their "alleged" superiors have in terms of being "more" disciplined, moral, graceful, legally abidding and even compassionate.

What I am saying is that this isn't even about "superior". Not all ladders go up to the same place. There is no stratified pyramid of Giza here. At the same time, it isn't even binary. It isn't about rich and poor. About beauty and ugly. Educated and educated. It is about the fact that some people are truly depraved, they have a legitimate history of human depravity, and they are only pretending to be less fortunate, less beautiful or less rich than others. And that isn't even how life works.

What I am saying is that these peoplen fully intend to ruin someone else's psychological profundity for convenience and profit. It isn't about saying "I do not have money and you do. Life is unfair." it is about saying "You know what, I do have a history of child abuse, violence, ignorance and irresponsibility. I should not have more money. And the fact that I do have it, is probably a sign of why this world give money to people like me and why it is so bad."

So, do we take their money away? And when we do, do we feel pity for them? The answer is, it doesn't matter.. The world is still awful. When you hear their complaints, money is always that pinnacle that rescues them out a world of misery and into a sort of utopia. But when you think of the whole thing through, the answer is, it dcoesn't matter. The world is still awful. People aren't being truly rewarded for affording the world a tradreable value. People are instead rewarded for being obedient, submissive and fulfilling the demands of College University professors. At best. At best. Is that something to complain about? Well, don't ask the empoverished people and uneducated people of the world because they will say; it doesn't matter? How does that not matter?

I can't believe I'm being ignored. OP is very rude.

Stop perpetrating the misery of these poor fucking kids & creating a market for the sick fucks who make it. There's no excuse for engaging with that vile shit, idgaf how mentally fucked up you claim to be. If you can't resist the compulsion, or try to justify it with your head games, just end it all.

How does a doctor's 20 year long acadermic degree not matter? Of course it matters? That, that, isn't "rewarded. Ever! It is demanded. As a means to practice as a doctor, and then they get rewarded week for a week , week by week, fror their service. Week by week. But the 20 years at the beginning are never "rewarded" They are demanded. They are even costly. But, never rewarded.

I am not making this up. People fully intend onc corrupting other people's psychological perception for convenience and profit while nontheless being willing to unleash those awful impressions upon the world , over left over pastries, or at a young male doing nothing but thanking a bagger girl for her services, without ever even targeting real villains. At all.

I am not psychotic. I am paranoid. And for good reason.

What am I reading? I couldn't be this confusing even if I tried

OP is a disgusting pedo coomer samefag who needs to neck himself.

Good

"Word salad" is one of the symptoms of schizophrenia. They will speak in full understandable sentences but each sentence is unrelated to the previous one. So they'll ramble on unrelated topics like op here. What he typed is essentially how to say nothing in 2000 words.