Sarg, we broke into the suspect's Tinder account

>The son of a bitch has lost his mind. >Alright, see if we can find him and bring him in for questioning before he does something stupid

>what’s more sir is that he’s exclusively swiped right on women in their early 20s…
>so?
>he’s 28 sir
>that sick fuck, I’m gonna need all hands on deck to take this fucker down

>i want everything we've got on the suspect! Johnson, who is our guy?
>sir, all we know is that he's male, 32 years old, single, unemployed...
>get me his last known address, pronto!
>sir, we've checked with the post office and he's only ever had one home address. It's his parents' place.
>what...? That's impossible! Johnson, add this entry to our file on him: the suspect is an extremely skilled hacker and has erased all information about himself past childhood years from the USPS databases...

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>Chief, the suspect appears to be obsessed with someone called Jane E.
>A prostitute?
>Sir, he keeps saying that she always "does it for free".
>A sex fiend.

Kek

Since my wife left me I have literally no idea how to approach any women. She was the only one I was ever with. I'm probably going to die alone and having never had sex with any one else again

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>Sarge, we just got a trip from someone claiming to be his barber
>Ignore it, he's at least a norwood 3. Must be another crank.

Same here. I don't know how to approach women, the only women I was ever with approached me.

>Sir... he has no social media presence at all. No tinder, no instagram, no linkedin, not even a facebook
>Good god... get me the president on the line

Your virginity will grow again

Don't think about it. Just better yourself. Get some friends and hobbies.

Reminder that they did this exact joke in Shazam.

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>damn it Johnson, what’s the emergency?
>sir, you’re going to want to look at this…
>my god, nothing but plane crashes. And the sick bastard wants no survivors. Get me a line t-
>President Johnson is on the line right now, sir

What scene? I don't recall anything like that, something related to his mother? I always assumed they knew damn well where she lived and just didn't want to tell him

I get 50+ matches a month and it's honestly exhausting, fucking random whores has lots its appeal and I'm not cut out for marriage and kids because women are way too retarded and boring to spend extended amounts of times with

>FBI here, step aside speeding ticket peddlers. While you were busy eating donuts, we've been surveilling this guy for the past month. When he isn't at his 60 hour a week job, he spends his time drinking and doing drugs while posting on Any Forums and cries himself to sleep over his ex girlfriend. We've put him on potential mass shooter highest risk watchlist.

name 2 movies where that happens

this is me, 15 years

I don't know what anyone my age is doing, you can't look for a ring on anyone's finger because no-one gets married

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Drive, my autobiography

KEK

It was when he ran away, and the kids were trying to figure out where he went. The nerdy asian kid had the line which went something like
>He has no facebook, no twitter, nothing. He's a ghost!

>Okay Kowalski, make a fake Tinder profile to lure him on a date.
>Allright I got a name and wait what the hell
>What is it?!
>He already swiped us Sir. I didn't even put a photo.
>God damn he is mocking us.