Bros I have to shit so bad but I cant. It feels like I have a bowling ball is screaming German inside my stomach...

Bros I have to shit so bad but I cant. It feels like I have a bowling ball is screaming German inside my stomach. I cant even fall asleep

I NEED TO SHIT ANONS

ANY ADVICE ON HOW TO SHIT ON COMMAND

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start by shutting the fuck up you bitch ass nigger faggot trash. follow that up with a healthy does of killing your worthless nigger self

drink a fuck ton of water or lemonade, user. you're dehydrated.

Go to your local drug store and buy an enema, trust me.

Drink coffee
Smoke a cigarette
Prune juice

I should mention it might be slightly uncomfortable since your shoving something up your ass and releasing a liquid, but it works very fast.

Nigger it is 2 AM where I live. Nothing is open

Thank you user I drank a lot of water and I have successfully shat

take a water bottle and fill it up with water and gently try to give yourself an enema that way since you want to shove something up your ass so much

go to a med site you stupid prick

eat healthier

Strong coffee bro. Lots of coffee

Push, you pussy, just fucking push it out

You need to start eating better user.

ENIMA OR EMERGENCY ROOM

OP user here

I have been on the toilet since I made this post. Nothing as of yet. If it helps for any context I had picrel for lunch and a 22 oz steak for dinner

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Anally masturbate, unironically. You'll shit and maybe have a lovely orgasm.

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Sometimes it happens that a turd touches the nerve that makes you want to shit but it's just stuck there, not ready to come out. I went to the pharmacy and had to buy a laxative. After that I began to eat more fiber and salads, so do that you fucking fat american

KILL YOURSELF OR GO FOR A JOG IT SHAKES THE TURDS OUT

go to the doctor, the bill will make you shit yourself.

Magnesium citrate. They sell it at most drug stores or even Walmart. Drink literally just a cap and full don't be more than 50 ft away from a bathroom.