Almost daily I polish off 750 ml of some liquor. today is 1800 Tequila, and only because I was too lazy to go down 2 blocks to get a bottle of whiskey. Often I drink more. Yesterday starting around noon i sucked down a fifth of jack, switched to the pint of vodka i had around.
I know it's probably killing me but honestly I don't really care. I succeeded early, got into a job where I get paid an obscene amount for very little work, so I can keep my habit up. I remember being happier when I was broke mostly because I was interested in the work, and i was hungry for success. Now i'm just floating by.
And the thing is, I'm a better person when I'm drunk. When I drink, I'm generally happy, but i'm also more accepting. I'm irritated by trannies sober. But drunk I say live and let live. I'm suspicious and paranoid when sober, but I give everyone the benefit of the doubt when drunk. When I'm sober I'll tell a homeless guy to go fuck himself, and be irritated they bother me. But drunk, I give out a couple hundred to some pandhandler on the street, and rationalize that while they were going to spend it on booze and drugs, that's what I would be spending it on.
If I could find a way to be drunk all the time but not have it kill me, I would do it. I feel better, I'm more empathetic, I enjoy life. I'm starting to shake after major binges, and it's not from withdrawl - it's me basically drinking until I have damaged my central nervous system.
No real point to this post. Just trying to get a few things off my chest. I dunno if I'm gonna be able to do this for much longer. But some connection is better than none, I guess.
i think circle jerking about it is stupid. ive had a few fifths this year and yeah, you know its a problem so treat it like a problem and don't feed it
Best I can say is just reduce it user, imagine if you drank less every day and made goals to get down to a lesser amount. I wouldn't suggest making a goal to stop outright just yet -- that can come when you've halved your input. Even just reducing it will give you more days in future life for when you do feel like living.
also consider going to gay bath houses. gave me something to look forward to
Cameron Sullivan
Just smoke da ganja and toss the alcohol
Sip on cranberry juice or tea if you get urges
Daniel Wright
do you get hangovers? how do you deal with them
Mason Price
Crazy how anyone can be addicted to it when everyone who is addicted to it is a disgusting sub-human piece of shit. I refuse to join that group of people. I just watched a documentary on that KingCobraJFS and Onlyusemeblade. What a depressing life man.
David Phillips
go to /x/ you need an exorcist
Hunter Evans
Did that years back. It didn't seem terrible. And agail, i'm a weirdly functional alchoholic. I suck down all of this hooch and i'm still able to show up to work the next day (working from home helps) and not only do well, but actually excel at the job. But I have no love for it anymore, despite it being fucking amazingly interesting. I can just barely keep my interest in it.
I tried getting a script for adderall recently, to see if a stimulant would be effective in focusing me. And it was. but I enjoy the contrast between the upper of meth and the depressant of the booze. When I analyze it, it seems like i want to feel something - anything - beyond the day to day bleh of my life.
I would, but i gave that a thought (again, drunkenly) and it just didnt' strike me. actually it got me thinking about JB type shit and i got all weird and predatory thoughts that i swiftly said shut the fuck up to and went back to like giraffe porn. I think i just wanted something weird and forbidden.
Can't do it. I'm hypervigilant, and the idea of something slowing me down like that just irritates me. The last time I got high was 20 years ago, i soaked half a dime bag in a pot of cream on the stove and then strained it into a green tea mix. I got high for 9 hours and hated every second of it because I couldn't think. I seem to not be able to relax much, unless it's booze, which weirdly makes me think faster, more creatively, etc. I don't pretend to understand it. I just know the results.
I dare you to make less sense.
I drink a lot, i'm not summoning chaos through warpgates, pedestrian.
Jayden Reyes
what do you do for work?
Christopher Robinson
Therapy. Will be expensive and take time but try pissing your money away on therapy instead of booze to at least see if it helps.
Isaac Phillips
Information Security. I started early i guess with getting into stuff as a kid in the 80's (i'm old, almost 50 now), Was kind of shit at everything else and then around 1995 suddenly the infosec industry started to kick off and suddenly shit like pentesting and vulnerability tests became en vogue, and even required with shit like PCI and insurability etc.
I was definitely in the right area at the right time though. And I'm weirdly good at it - despite doing it for something like 25 years professionally, a lot of it is just experience and common sense, and then expressing that to management these days. Which is why I can get paid this crazy 170k+ salary for basically doing nothing (my new job is building a threat intelligence program. what is that? go through news and a 200k platform and send out warnings to various other people in the company so they can patch shit/prepare for things). It feels fraudulent, really. It's part of why I hate it, but they put me in it because i'm good at building practices out.
Started that, but my issue is that I need someone who will call me out on my bullshit. Every therapist I've run into (especially the guys) all want to be mothers. They want to nurture. And I was astounded by the sheer volume of people who bought into the Get In Touch With Your Inner Child shit. It wasn't feasible to sit there and pretend to talk to a younger version of myself, addressing my needs. I need something more...i dunno. Aggressive. Something to make me face myself more face-on.
Hudson Fisher
I drink to get into touch with my emotions , sober I feel absolutely nothing. I hate it and I'm only 26. I hope you can fix your self my guy.
personally leaving las vegas made me realize i don't actually want to drink myself to death and deliruim tremens is A: awful and B: a sign that I need to drink more water I've also lately been considering that spending money on car parts and other more productive hobbies is more interesting than spending money on booze/weed i don't want to stop forever but it gets boring when you don't have other hobbies
Adrian Hernandez
literally talk into a mirror alternatively record a video of yourself wasted and watch it when you wake up
Justin Gray
I’m with you on the “inner child” narrative. I’m 56. I don’t need to go back to 6
Dylan Powell
I've gotten more insight from reading Freud's wikipedia page than I've gotten from $100 per hour psych grads
Ryan Ward
If there's a cure, I hope you find it. I'm 47 years in and I haven't found it. Being able to keep up day to day is a blessing and a curse. I don't hold out a lot of hope but I keep hanging on because the alternative is blowing my brains out. And truly speaking, I don't want to die. Why should I, when it's everyone else that sucks. Let them top themselves off.
Sebastian Brown
you're not drinking to feel happy, you're drinking to feel normal.
give yourself tolerance breaks and clarity to reset your body and mind. If you can't handle the concept of short term sobriety than you are not going to be able to function long term. your tolerance will build and your body will require more alcohol than your mind can handle. your baseline will rise to a point where you won't be able to work and you'll go from functioning to non-functioning without even realising it. You'll get fired and work will dry up.
you'll lookback and not see yourself as coping and getting by, but a slow descent to the bottom you didn't realise you were on
smoke weed or go full cold turkey for like a year and see how you truly feel about your alcoholism. addictions are like ex's a few months of clarity will make you wonder why they had such a grip on your daily life.
wut Talking with other people who have the same problems is actually a plus, not a minus. That's why there's such a thing as shrinks and group therapy. But hey: what do professionals know?
Austin Thomas
I'm blessed and cursed with an insane memory. Everything comes back to me with near perfect recall. And I talk to myself. A lot. It's like my meditation. Especially on long walks. It's how I sort everything.
I recently started trying to date again. The last time I did was about 10 years ago. She dumped me because she "just didn't feel it". I decided to give myself a break, because I had spent so many years just jumping from relationship to relationship. The problem was how comfortable I was not being in a relationship. I felt the physical loneliness, the desire for sex etc. But the idea of being in a relationship became this feeling of intrusion. Like it would be distrupting the absolute nothing that was everything going on in my life. So I recently got on some of the dating apps. It breaks my heart to say so, but there's so few enticing prospects out there. And the ones that are are all fat older chicks. I'm giving thought to maybe sexual attraction isn't as important to me as someone who challenges me. But fuck me if the idea of some cat eyed glasses 4th wave feminist with blue hair is repulsive as hell to me. I mean, there's always porn.
Stopping isn't the problem. I'm not physically addicted. I'm ...emotionally addicted? Is that a thing? Psychologically at the very least. But the idea of sobriety for any extent of time is fucking horrifying to me conceptually. It's like thinking about prison. You're in this room with nothing but yourself. You can do movies but even that analysis is with yourself in the end. You can take other drugs but that defeats the purpose.
I keep looking for the magic combination. The person who makes me want to change. The purpose that makes me want to improve myself, to focus on betterment. But I achieved all my goals by the time I was 25. I realized very harsh realities about people around the same time.
Yep, I'm finishing up a liter of Viuda de Romero at the moment.
Andrew Wilson
protip: if you stay away from carbs you can drink as much liquor as you want because it actually drops your blood sugar.
so if you eat like a baby with money for 15 years and you get yourself in a diabetic bind, alcoholism can be justified to yourself as a way of addressing your shitty A1C levels. Or at least thats what I do to myself.
