Hi Any Forums, it's time I told you all the story of the my time as a wall street investor.
>be me >college grad, bachelors in finance >need job >apply to work on wall street because fuck it, what do i have to lose? >investment firm contacts me back, says to come in for an interview >look at the address >"420 wall street st." >cum pants instantly >get ready to go to interview, call mom and tell her about it >"Just be careful user, they might try to confuse you and take advantage of you!" >mom doesnt think they're going to rape me, but doesn't trust banks, and says buying stocks is a sin because it's gambling >tell her "For sure mom, I'll watch my back" >hang up, laugh, and buy $25 of bitcoin off rubbinhood >go to job, wear nice conservative looking suit >look alpha as phuck when i walk in the office >shit shit shit shit >50 other guys are in the same office for the interview >take 5 hours before it's my turn
pt 2 >all other guys in the office look alpha as fuck too >get nervous, it took a lot of money to fly out here >wonder if its a scam or some shit just to fuck me over >finally get called in >"Hello mr user" says a fat fuck in a suit where the buttons are gonna fly off into my eye >"H-hello sir Gallowhat" i say as i shake his hand >"We're excited to be seeing you here today. So, you have credentials?" >show fat fuck my paperwork >ah looks like its all in order >asks some gay ass questions like what animal would i be and whats my real life experience (a mother fucking elephant but i told him a bull, and i grew my account with TDameritrade to just under half a mil) >he's impressed >asks one last question >"user... how do you feel about war?" >wtf.jpg >"War, sir Gallowhat?" >"yes, war." >"w-well" I start sweating, he's looking at me for something >"I guess I'd rather be the winner of one, no matter what." >He leans back satisfied >continue with rest of bullshit, but i wanna get out after that last comment, the way he said it with eyes so dead they could kill my grandmas corpse >"thank you sir" I sputter >Gallowhat simply waves, and i stumble away
>get nervous after a few days, but they eventually call me back >"Hello, this is user?" >"Hey sugar, how's your day going?" a black lady says >dont like blacks, just not my thing >"Uh, what are you calling about?" >"Well, mr gallowhat told me he liked your interview best, and so im calling to let you know you were hired!" >ohhhh fuck yeah >Proceed to masturbate while on the phone with this lady who is giving me directions. alternate between writing down details and jerking it while listening to her sweet southern voice >"Alright, honey, ill see you soon, buh-bye!" >"Bye mrs butterworth!" I say, just barely getting out the last syllable before coming all over my kitchen floor. >go into work the next week >mrs butterworth is ugly af, dont know what i was thinking >she greets me as i walk by, and i say hi back because i feel a little guilty >go to meeting with gallowhat >"hello again user!" >"hello mr gallowhat." >"lets get started, just jump right into it, shall we?" he says. >The room and desk seems smaller. realize im sitting in a larger seat. what kind of psycological manipulation bastard was i working for? >fucking spaz out as he gives me the rundown of what he does >in stock trading, theres the normal way to do it where you go "long" on a stock, and make a bet that it will go up. There's also the inverse of that, where you make a bet that a stock will go down called a "short". >basically when you short a stock, you get money when the stock goes down >this guy... this mother fucker... >there's a kind of stock called an REIT, basically, you can buy stocks of companies that own physical buildings that make money (like radio towers, apartment complexes, etc). >This guys shorts REITs >He shows me a itemized list of how good his guesses are. He buys 10,000 puts against "American Tower" a mobile phone tower stock >next week, over 30 of the towers collapse due to "structural integrity" causing the stock to fall almost 80% >bruh
Put me in the screencap when this inevitably gets stolen
James Stewart
pt 4
>shows me more, has several news articles to go with his presentation >this man has make over 30 billion dollars off of shorting REITs >shorts a warehouse, mf explodes >shorts a temporary ford dealership and the repaved assphault of the road turns out faulty, dropping the value >start getting a bad feeling >he mentions what he's going to pay me >bad feeling goes away >keep going, this mf shorted a god damn field, and walked away with 1 million from that trade alone >gives me my first task >"user, check out this address, i know its a for profit organization and i think i want to short it" >take address, and go to appraise the building >way out in the forest, no one around for miles >three hour drive later, find radio tower >take a few pictures, fill out paperwork appraising it at just under 2 mil >go back to office, turn in paperwork and email photos to mrs butterworth >mr gallowhat wants to see me >"good job on the appraisal, here's 2k." >just hands me a check for 2k dollars >go home for the day >return the next day, and he has me check out another location, this time a lumber shed >worth less that 5k this time >return to office >boss is less happy with this, but still says good work >apparently, he only goes for high value targets, as the most he can make from a single hit is double the value of it >all transaction footprints are disguised as "crypto-trading" >have no idea who the hell is selling these put contracts but they've got to be furious right about now >next day >sends me to a new address, this time in the city >pass a few residential streets, think im going to wind up at an abandoned residence or something >think about pulling over to jerk off to call mrs butterworth and jerk off again, because bored, when i see my location >it's a mother fucking orphanage
>start hyperventilating >totally just jerking off, and not having serious qualms about the morality of what I'm doing >tell myself it's a non-profit, and so not listed anywhere >"but then why did gallowhat send me here? on what list did he get this address from?" >decide to do research later, and my job now >go up to orphanage >children running and playing in the playground adjacent >know that it's going to be a high value property because there's a god damn playground next to it >one of the kids slams his head into a metal pole and i kek >"hello sir, how can i help you?" a woman says >"Oh, uh, hi im user and I'm with my office and I work for gallowhat accounting" i say >shes blond, 9/10, and not black, wearing a, and i kid you not, jojo's bizzare adventure blazer. not like it belonged in the show, but it had giorno on one boob, and dio on the other, shit was cash >"oh, well let me show you around!, im Tracy btw" >walk around with qt3.14 for a while, and she explains the facilities >"We're the only orphanage in this area of the city that isn't governement funded" >ohshit.jpg >"Could you explain that to me a bit more?" I ask >she looks at me quizzically, but explains >"We run our own programs, and are independently funded by three independant billionares from the area. Because of this, we aren't limited by several governement regulations holding other institutions like ours down." >Shows me the paperwork that she shows other economic types all the time where it says they are exempt from taxes like government funded orphanages, but still have total autonomy of the children, and are functionally a boarding school. >shows me a class happening right then, and i see a fucking 10 year old black kid doing calculous >shit was whack, but they way they taught it, even my dumbass was refreshed >this place was wholesome and nice >10 year old comes up to me to start chatting
>remember to not be racist infront of qt and talk to the shithead >"hi, im shithead, whats your name?" said shithead black 10 year old" >"Im user, what's your name?" >"I already told you that." >fuck >"hahaha, you're so smart!" >"Are you here to try to take our money again?" >wtfwhosaidthat >some white bastard of a 15 year old was about to start screaming at me >he looked like a fucking football player >im skinny af, even though he was only 15 he could have broken me in half >shitshitshitshitshit >qt pipes up "No harold, its fine, he's just here to-" >Harold goes tard mode, unleashes an unearthly roar, and charges me >black kid fucking trips harold, and he flies facefirst into a desk >harold whips his head around, but the black kid stares him down >"you fucking nig-" he starts to say before shithead stomps him >shithead bends down and gets real close to harolds face >"you be nice to our guests, okay?" >"uhhuh" harold gurgles >qt helps harold away >Im standing infront of the most badass kid the world has ever seen. >mf does calculous, and beats up kids way older than him at 10 >asks what i do >have one of the most genuinely refreshing conversations with another human that ive had in a long time >promise to never say the n-word again to myself after this (didn't stick with it until later events) >check in with qt >"yeah, we've had a lot of business/fake irs types around here lately trying to take away almost a third of our funding" >"well i hope things go well for you, thanks for the tour!" >not sure why she let me tour if she was antagonistic against buisness types >maybe she saw something in me? >maybe she wan fuk? >I hate this >get to car, and write up report >decide to be honest, but also make it clear as day in paperwork that THIS IS AN ORPHANAGE >go back to office >turn in paperwork >go home >jerk of to the idea of mrs butterworths juicy tits on my cock >think of cumming in her, and making a brilliant shithead like that badass mother fucker
I have yet to read all of this will do later pls do continue op
Jackson Kelly
What masters or degrees did you do op how did you get into the interview did you go to a university
Hudson Phillips
Fake and gay
You would not be in charge of imputing business valuations as a fucking stock jockey
Mason Morgan
pt 7
>go to work about a week later >ask ms butterworth out >she says yes, we'll be going out next week >get new job from gallowhat, assigns me to laundrying up the paperwork, all to be done from the basement of the office because that's where we keep out laundered copies >fuck, this will be boring >get to work, think about how much i hate blacks, think about how much im going to hate railing mr butterworths ass later >realize im a fucking traitor to the white race when i remember the qt from the other day >realize im going to be processing my own report on the orphanage, and skip to it >gallowhat has personally looked at this, and has a summary of his decision along with his current financial positions >"strictly internal document: please dont read if you aren't internal" >yeah well im internal so >reading boring financial litigation bullshit yada yada yada- >"submitting request to Cogadh De, be advised that information operations must be suspended in the months immediately following..." >things get weird >look up Cogadh De. They're a fucking Muslim terrorist cell based in Ireland. >look up information operations >get a bunch of dumbass movies about spies >fuckfuckfuck what have i gotten myself into here? >remember the sweet paycheck im getting every single week, not to mention the... and then i realized it... hush money from gallowhat. >I priced in that orphanage and all assets in at almost 25 million >realize my mistake, go to gallowhats office to talk to him, enter his office but he isnt there >see him computer is on the the reflection of the window behind him >go to it, and see he's looking at emails, he must have just stepped out >remember he often steps out around this time >realize i need more information, maybe from that computer right there >go back to dark room in basement to continue doing paperwork >cant go to cops, i was chill with this until they started talking about Irish terrorists blowing up kids >decide to lay low for the time being
you're hilarious but what a LARP, keep going though, I'm waiting for the punch line
John Sullivan
pt 8
>go to office again, next day with quick sucking thumbdrive to quick suck some data from the computer >boss is there, fuck >"Hey there user, how are you?" >I'm terrified >"Doing great sir, how about yourself?" >"Fantastic, those were some great valuations you did there, thank's for your help!" >"Awe sir, it's no big deal." >"Son... i wanna cut you in on something a little bigger." >glup.mp3 >"swing by my office later today, I've got some work to do now." he said, as a video call rang for him >"alright sir, ill be by later" >I make my escape and go downstairs >I don't want to get in too deep >I may be out of the office, but how to do get out of the whole shabang? >remember im doing the laundry on the paperwork, i can just remove myself from many of the records >buy more bitcoin because nervous >think more, get angry at boss for putting me in this situation >march back to office ready to fight >it's empty >computer is on >plug flashdrive in, sit down, and put head in my hands >"This guy talks to terrorists, and i was about to yell at him from blowing up radio towers. wtf am i thinking?" >flashdrive finishes sucking computer >i gtfo >go home that night and study files >turns out the orphanage was a major test, and usually they would have someone more on the inside do a job like that, but they wanted to see if i would lie on the paperwork or give a false valuation to save them. >they had people tailing me the whole time, ready to kidnap and kill me if i started freaking out too much at that moment >wonder if black kid was one of them for a brief moment, before realizing that it wouldnt make any sense. just a good solid dude of a kid. >Find tons of other incriminating stuff >find file on me >"-user has worked hard for the past couple of months. he is hesitant, but i believe with cultivation he can be brought into confidence- >These guys wanted to cut me in more >for some reason in never occured to me that terrorists communicated through company memos.
