What's the most painless and foolproof way to kill myself...

It's just my fault that I'm miserable, so
I did think about that, I might check maps to see if there's a place nearby. At that point death is practically guaranteed right?
I wish there was a good way to explode

Shotgun to head via inside mouth. Jumping does work, but you need to get the right height and I'm not sure what that is. Speeding and crashing is not a good plan. Hanging works too. A good of any pure inert gas. You have so much to live for, blah blah, don't do it.

I'll make sure to not crash then. I'll look into heights later, thank you. Idk if I can get my hands on inert gas but thanks again.
Right now I have a lot to live for but I fucked up really bad the other day for something I don't even know why I did and if my family finds out I'm going to kill myself because they're the only ones who ever mattered to me. I'd rather die than be estranged from them but I know that if they find out they'll never be able to love me again and it just hurts so much.
Tl;dr blah blah sob story

scrape your dick off and feed it to yourself

What did you do?

Nah, go ahead and give us details and we will tell you why that's not a good reason to kill yourself.

But you are right, if you do it you don't want to survive. I know someone who jumped from five stories and lived and I know someone who was rescued from a hanging and I've met a number of other survivors hospitalized and I am terribly afraid of survival.

2 KG of high explosives detonated against your head.

climb into tiger cage in zoo and kick the tiger straight in the balls

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Get ripped in half by 2 cars driving in different directions. That’s how I killed myself was no problem

No idea but I will go with hanging. Gonna wrap a scarf around the rope so it's not so uncomfortable. Don't want to do it at home so gotta walk to the woods.
So you raped someone OP? Pretty badass. I'm just an unhappy loser who missed out on life.

I'm a pretty big loser so sometimes I go on local messaging apps and ask women to hook up for money. I've never gotten anywhere with this but that's beside the point. This time I sent my messages and went to bed, woke up to some positive responses from this 19 year old who gave me a phone number. We get on text and she's like yeah I'm down to meet. Eventually she says she's 14 and I don't know what happened but I just stopped thinking. I know something is wrong and alarm bells were ringing in my head but I felt like I wasn't even in control of myself. I checked the pictures sent and they were all clearly photoshopped but the girl didn't give me time to think and just kept telling me to meet with her sooner and sooner. I know you won't believe me because obviously no normal person would move past the 14 year old part but I'm genuinely not attracted to girls this young I really don't know what happened. In about an hour she pulled up and it was actually this guy live streaming to 400 people and he just kept asking me questions that obviously make me sound worse and worse. "Is this as young as you'll go?" Apparently, I don't know, I'm not attracted to kids I don't know how I got here I don't know what's wrong with me but I can't just say I'm not because he's there so clearly there's something wrong with me right? He asks more questions and the answers just get worse I don't even know what I said I just tried to not dig my own grave. This goes on for, I don't know, 20-30 minutes and people were guessing names in chat which he showed me and eventually one got my name right and I don't think I let it slip but maybe I did. So now I'm just so stressed thinking this is all going to come back to ruin my life. And maybe I deserve it I don't know. I didn't think I was a fucking pedo but here I am. So that has me thinking I should just end it there because I genuinely think pedos should rot. Then it goes by to my family and life. I'm out of letters

So tl;dr again
Apparently I'm a pedo and I want to kill myself for that but if my family finds out about this guy's exposed live stream that happened and I don't even know if it was uploaded anywhere I'm gonna end my life 100%

EKKU-SPLOSHUN!

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You're a fucking idiot mate you can file a restraining order against him for harrassment, you can also sue him for entrapment.
Fuck this normie shit, not sure if you're just baiting for faggotry but you don't even have to talk to him. Ignore the cunt and file a restraining order. Threaten litigation on the terms that you are also suicidal because of his harrassment, and you can sue the absolute living fuck out of him.

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youre not a pedo, and are over-reacting. Take a valium or something, after a week or month youll get over it. At the minimum wait two months.