What’s the closest you’ve ever come to dying? jokes are fine

What’s the closest you’ve ever come to dying? jokes are fine.

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That time yo moms pussy almost swallowed my whole body. BAHHAHAHAHAHA

almost choked to death twice when i was a kid
almost drowned
had a close encounter with a bear (not sexual)
thats about it.

asthma attacks have nearly killed me three times
shit was mad

Drove drunk, fell asleep, woke up to my 240sx fishtailing down the highway at 70 mph. I have since stopped drinking. Don’t drink and drive, it can and will ruin your entire life and likely others as well

you got fucked by a bear, didn’t you

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it’s okay user.
just admit you got fucked by that big ol’ bear

im not responsible for what nature does

Me too, twice in fact because of asthma and when my mother was pregnant she developed some kind of disease that no doctor were able to indentify, was vomiting blood and some other things, went to coma and the doctors said to my father that in this cases they always choose saving the mothers life, i was supposed to be dead a long while ago.

I swallowed a spider to catch the fly

Someone on Any Forums told me “kys”, so I did. I was a stupid kid.

same here. I should be dead at least twice over. staying alive mostly out of spite now

kek

Fell off a cliff while blackout drunk naked into a lake at night. Only hit my shin on the rocks below, thankfully not my head. Still have the scar. Instead of dying a bunch of hot teenage chicks I went to school with helped me get out of the water while I was bleeding everywhere with my alcohol and cold water shrunken dick on display. I wished I had died at the time. So humiliated. Now I fap to the memory. Good times.

ruptured appendix when I was 7

did any of the girls touch your dick???

Not at the time. But I had fucked one of them a few times. Not a girlfriend, just the school slut.

Drove sober, fell asleep, woke up to my rental car on a rural road being all bumpy on the roadside at 100km/h. Adrenaline kicked in and I made it back onto the road.

Don't drive and sleep guys, don't do it. I've since then almost stopped driving, because driving is boring.

“Ew, he fucked you with THAT?!?”

Fucking awesome story, bro. I’m sure you have many more. Sounds like a fun life so far.

Glad you survived the fall and the humiliation.

Thought i was being funny by dropping a large bolt into my mouth and the perfect combination of the height i dropped it from and how far back i tilted my head plus the weight of the bolt itself sent the thing right down my throat. Gf freaked when she realised it was stuck so i had to be calm but act quick. Leaned at a weird angle and dug it out and eventually got it was a few seconds where i did think "this is how it ends.well done retard"

when i was 9 appendix blew up inside me, call out doctor said it was just a tummy bug. got blue lighted straight to hospital and into surgery, felt like a knife twisting

I bit a Valium er in half when I was a teen.

Driving from Houston to OKC with a buddy. He paid for the ride with weed, so outside of Dallas we smoke up. Nicely baked, the fucking contractor truck in front of us loses it’s load of unsecured plywood. One sheet flies us in the air and lands perfectly flat against our windshield. Suddenly driving blind on I-35. Sheet peels off flies up in the air and I watch it smash on the road in the rearview mirror. We just keep driving without a road.

About five minutes later I say, “No fucking way we survive that sober.” and he rolls up another joint.

Not a fucking scratch on the car.

Swine flu.
Shit was not cash.

>One sheet flies UP
>keep driving without a WORD

Bear fucker.
For the thrillz.

Working in a machine shop when I was 19, slept like shit the night before maybe 4 hours of sleep. Had to manually trim down the length of a piece of bronze because the saw guy was lazy, part was around 5 inches in diameter and probably 8 inches long, probably a 50 pound chunk of metal, manually doing it in my cnc because it would have been faster, start the chuck up spinning at around 1200 rpm. Face is basically an inch away from the glass window on the door of the machine, hand wheel the cutting tool to the face of the part, thought I switched it to move in the z axis (left or right) but I was still in the x axis (up and down) sent the tool straight into the part, ripped it out of the chuck in less than a second, part has so much velocity it bounced off the back of the machine and hit the glass right where my nose was, literally felt the vibration in my face. Only guy in my department at the time, other guy was late. Miracle that it didn't cave my skull in, didn't crack the glass at all. Moral of the story is don't operate heavy industrial equipment while your tired lol

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