Well Any Forums, im a precarious position, i have no will to live but no will to die, now what?

Read Marcus Aurelius and the other Stoics.

maybe i should enjoy it then, freedom to fly, freedom to fail i suppose, also gonna doodle from now, fuck it

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ooooo fucking genius, why didn't i think of that
stoicism isn't for me friend, thank you, epicureanism perhaps?

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+LEFT ARMPIT ZAPPER+

see
you wont

so just go and live or something

If nothing matters, nothing matters.

Depending on how willing you are to leave the current state I would say you have no reason not to be genuine to yourself and your nature. At least the aspects of it that are not malevolent.
If im right youve spent your time suppressing the real you just to avoid some petty response from others. If so the question is was it worth it?

i didn't say i had the will to die user, infact i said the opposite, the the absence of a will to live isn't the same, nor are the circumstances that come with each
i've been open about it to friends, but i have soso friends, and it stops at, "well i dont want to kill myself", "good", then i stop talking about it and they dont ask, and typically, i don't worry myself over it, its not intentional supression, i've just stopped caring, and why i care now is probably a flare up or something, but i dont think its a good way to exist nonetheless, for nothing, not only on a univeral nihilistic scale, but a very personal one, errata aside i doubt that even if i was as open as bearable, that much would be different, this is personal and i have no one close enough to actually effect my state of being or the partial lack thereof i suppose, but i also gain nothing from keeping to my own, nothing of worth is gained or lost either way, i can't give a yes or no

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right arm pit zapper?

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Congratulations. You feel like all of us now.

you will kill yourself by doing nothing at all. you can waste your entire life and let the years pass you by in a hurry, by living sad. and eventually you will die. that would be just your way of killing yourself. you will kill yourself but it will take a little bit longer, although, it will still be a shorter life than one if you had the will to actually live
and because you probably havent explored the will to live at all (to any extent) you have probably not yet explored the option of killing yourself
if you go all the way and really just realize that you could kill yourself right now and die then you would either do it, or you wouldnt, and if you didnt then you would live
you cant have neither the will to live nor die. that does make any sense with any application

you could stay in this moment, right now, forever. you can stay sad and laying down thinking that you dont have the will to live or the option to kill yourself, until you die, and then you will, eventually die. and then you would have killed yourself - so by not having the will to live you have allowed yourself to do this
its nobody elses fault but your own so take that however you want and itll be your answer anyway

by the way, we all have the will - as is our nature - built in-to us - to live. its just that we have the homes built for us, the food hunted, and fortress secured with our cities and countrysides. what you are experiencing is a human life with everything already done for them (if they want to settle). you are experiencing "what now?". you are going through a life of gathering, securing shelter, and a mate, with it all made so easy for you, with none of the challenge, and nothing to conquer
but this also means that we won. and humans won, and for so long, because of this will to live that is built in-to you. now, these instincts are kicking in. go and make something and then go and get it, and then, go and get some more. this for the same reason why animals cant suicide

1973 characters... i am still 27 off of 2000 but i did go 5 over before deleting the word "probably" from the post. so i dont know what that is about
but i am still accurate
from 2000 words, 600, 400, 350 words, 75 words, in one take. i am getting more accurate

find something, OP. when i was younger i bit my nails until i quit, then i started again to quit once it became a habit
when i was a little older i would look at clocks often because i would ride the trains into the city to do things. i learned to be able to know the time without looking at a clock, ever, just innately. i can navigate anywhere from any location at most levels and do it completely fine... innately! if you cant find something internally, or are up for the challenge, make enemies with another person. just find something and hone the skill and it will satisfy your primal, and evolutionary, whatever it is or what you want to call it, urges