Rolling for Incredible Umber Hulk 1d20 = 2; fuck me, completely impotent.
The battle rages on, but for the moment it seems entirely one sided as the allied forces have DECIMATED the Boibugger Bears. Even with Knob Goblins coming to join the offensive, their ENTIRE initial engagement was twarted by brilliant Dwarven strategic planing and ingenuity, leaving the emergence of the Knob Goblins landing flat on their faces. Even the Drow Syndromers have finished their tactical assessments and engaged in the battles. Thought the Boibugger Bear Shaman was able to summon a monsterous ally, the allied forces were COMPLETELY undaunted and have even the beast rendered ineffective by their fearlessness. A Drow Mage has even broken ranks to summon forth a mighty Articuno, to counter the Boibugger Bear's Rockwurm. Even The Incredible Umber Hulk was COMPLETELY nullfied this round by a fearless squad of Dwarven Dragooners. The frenzy CONTINUES in the next round coming up!
It'd be more true to style if you wrote it a bit more pretentiously but I totally heard all that in Howard Cosell's voice.
Grayson Harris
DOWN GOES UMBER HULK! DOWN GOES UMBER HULK! DOWN GOES UMBER HULK!
Christian White
Oh shit, I have to hold up on the wine a bit. I'm almost a cup and a half in and I'm feeling a good buzz. If I keep it up, I'll be to fucked to run game.
[Jennifer Aniston = take a gulp] Why not right? I like being your servant. So you get to decide how fucking sick I get tonight. for all intents and purposes I have unlimited wine(Carlo Rossi; Jew table wine(stout)). I have well enough to put me in the hospital if that's what we're doing. ...more likely to end up passing out from alcohol poisoning, but I'm game to find out.
Anywho... I know this probably isn't exciting from your end if you don't know how to follow the game yet. That's whay i recap shit and do these intermission threads.
Fucking Christ... it's3:10am and we started at about midnight. That was literally ONE fucking round of Siege!
Levi Flores
Back when I was DMing Table Top for my Sherman group, I ran this scenario with a simple fucking premise. The same Wizard that's attacking your Legion's Hall, attacked a miliatry fort in Arduin. It was Fort Solstice. To my own flare, it was a prestigeous base that doubled as an academy for noble born kids.
Leo Nguyen
The Wizard had the social ties to access the base, so he walked around and planted little innocuous boxes with Maximized+Extend Spell(Metamagic) shrunken monsters in them. He had also basically commissioed the local orc tribe to attack on schedule. After he ended the spells simultaneously, the fort was instantly overrun completely off guard. As the troops were fighting the monsters, the orcs just walked fucking in and slaghtered everyone. They took the noble born kids out into the forest as instructed.
Asher Cox
After the party retook the fortress with great painstaking effort to kill all the exotic monsters, they had to go save the noble cadets. They had this greta plan to compeltley unarmor and disarm the warrior, fill his backpack with poisoned wine that they got at the Nightmare Tower module, then WALTZ the fuck into orc territory to willing get capture.
Cameron Walker
It was hilarious, because completely unarmed, a FULL fucking group of orcs was having troble capturing the Paladin of Ares, because his rolls were hot and he was literally beating all their asses with a bottle of wine and his fists.
Eli Bennett
The did eventually kick his ass and take him prisoner. When they took him back to the Chief, that greedy fucker(on a roll) took ALL of the poisoned wine for himself. Then that bitch didn't drink any at that time. The Paladin was placed with the cadets, so they had them square, but the rest of the party was suppossed to sneak up on a half disabled tribe of poisoned orcs.
Kevin Gomez
Little did they know, the not before, I had planned ahead and calculated their EVERY fucking move. I planted a recurring villain(whom they previously made a joke out of) and he had his OWN plan.
Caleb Walker
As they crept up on the relaxed orcs, the scorned Drow male tossed out a fucking fireworks bomb(Like those voodoo bombs or the sky burst flares). The orcs were instantly alerted and came barreling down on the fucking party like majestic clockwork. They were completely surrounded and TOTALLY fucked.
Christopher Stewart
The Drows plan was to get the party into trouble, espceially the Drider Arcane Archer of the Group, whom he had rolled a natural 20 on(True Love at First Sight), then jump out of the teess and save her so she'd fall in love with him.
Joseph Hernandez
It was an INTENTIONALLY rediculous fucking plan, because none of my plans in D&D EVER fucking panned out right. So I figured I'd make a plan that I WANTED to fail.
Nathaniel Peterson
Nigga... guess what. His crazy ass jumped out tha muthafuckin trees and started slashing up orcs just as Elisil was surrounded. Due to exceptional circumstances, this was essential the first time she got a good look at him, so she got a reaction roll. ...yeah...bitch rolled a natural 20! XD
Jonathan Perez
In that fucking rediculously over elaborte overly contrived fucking moment, she fell in love with him just as he'd hoped. The party was still royally fucked though.
Jonathan King
The Paladin of Ares, Maichael Jameson broke his bonds, freed the cadets, then made a Any Forums-line past the orc tribe... and then that mothafucka used an artifact he had gained through unbelievably exceptional circumstances; The Adamantine Fortress Lion's Shawl of Ares. It's a archtypical BLACK lion's head shawl, that can be removed and tossed out to become a three story nigh INVINCIBLE fucking tower made entirely out of Adamantine Metal. LEGENDARY as fuck artifact that he absolutely EARNED... pratically by dying the most epic death imaginable for it.
Jace James
With Valdrorn's help(The scorned Drown) with his Double Glaive, carved a path through the orcs and got the whole party and ALL of the cadets to saftey within the Admantine Tower.
Leo James
The scenario went from being an inversed reveresed ambush to being a fucking siege scenario.
Nathaniel Cook
We played... fucking 8 HOURS a day... for THREE DAYS straight! Member of the group SKIPPED fucking WORK and COLLEGE so we could assemble and fight this bitch out!
Landon Martin
After every session I went home and concocted new REASONABLE ways for the orc tribe to siege that fucking tower.
Julian Rivera
I am a pretty bad-the-fuck-ass General, when I'm allowed to be. I beat and battered the ever loving FUCK out of my group for THREE FUCKING DAYS!
Daniel Lopez
They conjured EVERY single ounce of wit and ingenuity to keep my attackers OUT. By the end of the third day, the area around the tower was HEAVILY cratered. The INSIDE of the tower was SCORCHED!
Daniel Robinson
The characetrs were pushed WAY BEYOND what they thought their capabilities were. The only weakpoint to the tower structure was the door, which wasn't Adamantine. I came at them with battering rams, the Druid warped them. I scaled the tower to get intot he windows, the archer and the rougue ranged them down.
Jaxson Green
I set fire of brush and hay to SMOKE them motherfuckers out, but the Druid put out the fires with water. I scaled the tower REPEATEDLY hoping to attrition them, but the Paladin of Ares, used his Aura of Intimidation to scatter the orcs every time they managed to gain traction aganst the ranged fighters.
Dylan Jones
My orc tribe brought supply crates full of looted goods to help them siege the tower. The Arcane Archer Fireballed the stock piles!
Brandon Reyes
By the end of that third day, they had no mana, no more arrows, no more throwing daggers, no more Divine powers, no more cleric spells(also divine from Ares), they had NOTHING left... but the orcs had had enough and they retreatded after the death of the Chieftan.
Ryan Powell
Can you imagine 8 hours a day, three days in a ROW... doing nothing but rolling dice to back up every ounce of wit you could muster to out think, out class, out match, and out LAST your fucking enemy?!
Chase Sanders
I swear to the gods minions, if you can't do that... I will not only take The Statue of Grace Hopper, The Forge of Holy Fire, The Temple of m00t, and Legion's Hall under the Database Mountains... I will take meta-location after meta-location of significant territories from you. I swear by EVERYTHING you think is relevant to the interweb in the modern day, that if you don't fucking fight with EVERY ounce of brainpower, spirit, and stregnth that you have... I WILL bring Darkness upone the ENTIRE. WORLD. of man. ...and I won't even stop there. I will Darken the very fucking SKIES. It doesn't matter HOW I CAN and WOULD do it. You better find some real fucking faith in your soul, because... the combined faith of my people and I... IS absolutely sufficient to do EXACTLY that! I loath humanity with a terrible passion and would gleefully erase them from the universe. The ruins of man would barely even be of interest to alien civilizations of the distant future. So you better figure out something you hold SACRED....and protect it with all your little hearts.
