Hey fellas, gonna be honest, I haven't really been on here much since I was more regular back in 2013-2015 ish, so maybe I don't really understand the culture anymore, but at this point, I feel like this is the right void to scream to. It'll be nice to know it was here for a few seconds, or that maybe I told someone, but you know. Everything gets flooded so fast, so I very much welcome this getting buried as soon as it's posted.
Anyway, I'm killing myself tonight. There's some train tracks not too far away from me, I'll make sure to walk far enough so they aren't going rural speeds, and I'm going to put my neck right on the rail. Haven't had anything to drink yet, but I don't plan on being sober because I figure it would be too easy to fuck up and just hurt myself real bad if I was too much in a right mind. I figure it'll traumatize the driver, but I wonder if it's late enough maybe it won't be noticed? But you know, it's just what's gotta happen. Feel like it's symbolic or some dumb shit because I was always afraid of trains as a kid, I dunno.
I've fucked up enough. I have tickets that I haven't paid, and I can't pay them, rent is due, all the other bills are due, I lost my car and everything in it, and I'm not getting any of it back, I have a shitty part time job stocking shelves, I'm lying to everyone I know so they don't tear each other heads off because my friend and my partner are both their own ways abusive to me. Because of some of that, I've cut myself off from family, I don't know how to get back into it. I'm just delaying the inevitable by being alive at this point. Life's been hard, and I've been hurting people every step of the way, and my hope is when all my lying gets out, because there are people who know the truth, maybe they'll hate me too much to be sad. Having people depend on you is exhausting, and I really wasn't meant for any of it.
Yeah, so anyway, whining aside, I think I just wanted to put out final thoughts. I'm tired. I'm tired of trying my best and failing, and then not being able to ever get back to my best, and I'm just kind of a liability at this point. I'm tired, so I'm just gonna take a nap at the tracks and I'm going home.
Thank you for reading if you did. Kind of a weird thing to go through, especially on a place like this. My opinion on most of you is probably not great, but I don't really think it's anyone's fault. It's fun to be an ass, so y'know, I get it. But, I guess my word of advice is to be honest from the get go. It's easy to give little white lies and say you're okay with everything, but if you're not actually, you'll become a problem later. If you really want to stay out of the way, and not be a bother to anyone, then you'll actually do the trouble of doing what you need for yourself to actually not be worried about. Don't just say you're okay. Because it gets worse when everyone believes you.
Josiah Collins
Why not just rob someone for a bunch of money, flight somewhere nice you've wanted to go and bum it up. You got nothing else to lose
either way, take care user
Jaxon Bell
Cmon user be logical, this is a temporary fit of emotion that you're struggling with. You know there are ways out, don't hurt others and yourself
Landon Hernandez
GG user, sorry to hear you lost the game of life. We can't all be winners. Better luck next time. Enjoy your eternal peace.
Brayden Evans
I'm dumb enough to kill myself, but not brave enough to rob someone, but I did consider it, so you're not off
I appreciate the sentiment, but this has been 4 months in the making. I really don't want to hurt others, but I've already have already, so it's kinda like ripping off the bandaid so they really can see all that I've done. But thanks man, it's nice to hear the support.
Isaac King
Thanks man. Weird wishy washy bullshit and all that, I've always wanted to be a tree, so. Maybe we'll get lucky!
Lucas Anderson
I'd still try to do something at least meaningful to yourself before making the decision. There are non-violent ways to obtain money. I've known people with similar and worse situations pull themselves back out of the gutter to really accomplish something. 4 months isn't really much time to contemplate a choice that lasts a lifetime.
Hope you have a change of heart
Charles Robinson
I mean I can't make the decision for you but I still think it's very illogical. Life is never kind but the endless nothingness of death isn't much better. You should fight and ride the tiger.
It would traumatize the driver because he'll at least eventually be told about it even if he doesn't see it at first. I hope you don't do it for both of your sakes.
You have nothing to lose, instead of killing yourself why not do something fun (e.g. rob someone like someone else suggested). Or go travelling to a random place with what little money you have left. Or just walk around in a city and see what happens. Or go call your manager a cunt.
If you do something like that and still feel like checking out, then that's your decision and I would understand. I won't give you the usual "call this hotline" bullshit which I know you don't want, but I've called them before and you can literally say anything to them. Kind of helps ranting about shit to someone. But anyway when you've got nothing to lose you gain a lot of power. Go have fun for a bit and pretend you're in GTA (dont kill anyone though)
Juan Jackson
OP here, thank you for the support, it's nice to see a little humanity before heading out. Thanks for taking it seriously. Y'all have a blessed night.
Brody Gutierrez
Better to die fighting.
Kayden Lewis
Tl;dr your boring ass flesh story should find its way to /mlp/ along with the rest of the shit no one cares about.
Isaiah Myers
I actually don't care if you do it anymore, you're a coward putting the negativity of others unto yourself.
David Young
Jesus christ. Didn't you kill yourself 6 times last week? WTF?? Then you post this fucking WALL of text and want answers WHY? GO BACK. The rredditt, it needs you.
Don’t do it bro. Just join the military and they’ll provide all the food and housing you’ll ever need and you’ll have life long friends who have made equally bad decisions in their lives to be with. Or go to prison and have shelter and food.
Dylan Morris
he knows that he can do this, OP doesn't care
Nolan Thomas
Thanks for the words, I'll remember that advice whether you die or not, good luck user
