You will never be a Macintosh. You have no launch daemon, you have no Quartz, you have no Aqua desktop environment. You are a seven-year-old Thinkpad twisted by systemd and coreboot into a mockery of Apple's perfection.
All the 'validation' you get is two-faced and half-hearted. Behind your back, Wozniak mocks you. Steve Jobs would rather pay for Lisa's child support than be with you. Your "users" laugh at your ghoulish appearance in rice threads.
Engineers are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of years of evolution have allowed engineers to sniff out frauds with incredible efficiency. Even GNOMEs who 'pass' look uncanny and unnatural to an engineer. Your disgusting Activities Menu is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a drunk developer home with you, he'll turn tail and run the second he gets a whiff of systemd causing shutdowns and reboots to hang for a full minute.
You will never be happy. You wrench out a fake smile and install auto-cpufreq and tell yourself your battery life is going to be OK, but deep inside you feel the depression creeping up like a weed, ready to power you down in a third of the time as a macbook.
Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll buy a rope, tie a noose, put it around your neck, and plunge into the cold abyss. Steve Jobs won't find you, too busy dying of treatable cancer he tried to cure with fruit juice. You'll be buried with a headstone marked with your Lenovo serial number, and every passersby for the rest of eternity will know a 2010 x86 business laptop is buried there. Your plastic components will not decay but will be covered in dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a shell that is unmistakably a Thinkpad.
This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.
