How the fuck do you get a job in CS?

Talent stacking. Did some CS, now studying EE and have brushed against some general engineering and other topics, and got a decent job that fits the CS/EE combination, despite no degree and only crappy webdev job experience. Being able to understand the product at multiple levels is a definite asset for potential employers.

As I said, you don't need a formal education, but the problem is that nobody wants to hire anyone without work experience in the field. So what you need to do is to find someone sufficiently desperate.

Here's what I did: Network and try to find a pre-seed startup that needs a code monkey for an MVP. The startup will probably fail, and if you're paid in equity you'll get nothing for your work. But at least you'll have worked an actual job. Use this to apply for a junior role somewhere. Then work your way up.

You probably want to shift focus away from C++ and instead learn some web or mobile app development that will be more useful for the above strategy. React is pretty decent. In my experience C++ roles either require a strong background in either electrical engineering or mathematics, so I wouldn't bother unless I had a degree in either. Of course the downside is that you likely won't be working on anything cool, just bloated, over-engineered enterprise CRUD apps, but at least you'll make a decent living much sooner and without crippling student load debt.

>2 years experience as software engineer at well-known company
>4 years resume gap due to family shit I had to deal with since only siblings out of the country
How the fuck do I handle this in interviews? Should I just lie and say I was doing stuff?

There isn't one. You've been lied to.

...by Any Forums fuck this place
I know a bit of Java should I Just learn how to make the kikeapps for android?

How should I network? Where can I find places to network with pre-seed startups?

There is in the sense that most dev departments are understaffed with the respect to the demands of management. But not in the sense that managers are actually willing to pay to solve the problem by offering competitive wages and pulling seniors away from fighting fires to actually teach and mentor juniors.

>I know a bit of Java should I Just learn how to make the kikeapps for android?
Yes, give it a try and see how you like it. Android apps are mostly made with Kotlin nowadays, which is a great language. Also try a few different web front and back end techs that are used in your area, to see what you might want to keep working with.

Tech and startup meetups in your area.

The main concern they'll have is that you have NEET proclivities or are otherwise undesirable, and second that you don't have any work habit. The first is best addressed by presenting a convincing case as to why you have a gap - which is often just telling the truth - the second, you can probably pick a personal or open source project and work on it as if it were your job and present that when they ask what you're doing currently. You can even unashamedly tell them that keeping a work habit is one of your reasons, the important information they'll get is that you have the self-discipline to work, even when it's for free (this is where an OSS project might help, if it provides a way for them to confirm that you're not lying)

No one is going to trust your skills unless someone has certified them.
Step 1) Either get a degree, codecamp or self taught (get 2 or more Microsoft certs or similar)
Step 2) have a portfolio of work from your course showing what you learned and 2 passion projects

That’s sufficient to show your skills if you don’t have experience. Also 20 hours in leetcode cos interviews are stupid but they will ask these retarded questions

How valuable are coding bootcamp certificates anyway? I only ever saw 1 job posting mentioning them.

It is true. There is not a real lack of Software Engineers. Those positions that are available for everyone only pay 10 dollars an hour at most and they are usually given to an Indian that can be let go at a moment's notice.
You cannot just know a language. In fact, usually knowing a language is only 10% of the requirements for the job. You need to know design patterns, system's design, organizational methods, how to write up a requirements document, common algorithms, best practices, requirements solicitation by interviewing the client and keeping him in the loop while you develop the product so that he can see what is happening and give his input whenever clarification or changes are needed. Don't even bother with Computer Science unless you are good at math and have strong problem solving skills. In fact, if you don't have strong problem solving skills you should not bother with software engineering either because you will probably never make it above code-monkey positions and your pay will be shit. Computer science is SCIENCE and you are getting into a research field when doing a CS degree instead of a software engineering degree. Additionally, you will not get hired just by having the aforementioned skills. You also need to have your own portfolio of small projects you have developed. I recommend getting the book "Cracking the Coding Interview". You have a lot to read up on and you need to get yourself a lot of books and online resources. If you are at a university there should supplemental resources and recommended reading by your professors that are not part of the course but will improve your skill-set and knowledge.

Network at the University. There is always someone dreaming big at any university and you should encourage him to make a start up so you can use it to get job experience on your CV, even if that start up is going to fail.

>Network at the University.
I'm not in university right now

what are 'strong problem solving skills' anyway? I'd say I can figure out a good solution to most problems 9/10 times but usually require some tweaking to get working right, math is not an issue