What are your stand-ups like?

What are your stand-ups like?

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imagine working for a woman, they are literal IRL jannies.

I fucked my scrum master. But now I have a new job where I’m the only dev and I do whatever I feel like.

QA team, we just go through all the tickets that had updates over the last week. For "transparency" reasons all tests are tracked in Clickup, so everyone can see who's assigned what and what the status is.
I'm also on the hardware QA calls, and on those we all just scream in confusion.

>QA
grim

God I hate the anti christ so fucking much

>I’m the only dev and I do whatever I feel like.
lmao,

Project manager posts a message in slack, we reply with what we're working on and if there's any blockers. Fuck having to get on a call that will 100% take way longer than it should every single day

the platform is andriod

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This. Mandatory call standups are gay, only made by dipshit project managers who think it helps them wave control over the company ie they appear as a fake authority. PMs don't do what PMs are supposed to do all they do is use the opportunity to make everyone have to go through them, it never works then they get fired. We don't even have a standup, text based or not, but text based ones are acceptable. The most autistic NPC cucked form of project management is planning poker. If you see that shit, run for the fucking hills.

same bro :(

so you became the cum master
did you add a ticket for that?

>The most autistic NPC cucked form of project management is planning poker
Lol, we do that too. It helps to get people actually thinking through the task and discussing it as a team beforehand, but yeah it's largely useless to us and is just use a progress reporting metric

>everyone has all of monday open
>manager knows this
>manager is free to schedule a meeting ANY TIME from 8am - 5pm
>ANY TIME
>chooses 8:15AM

fast forward to the actual meeting
>it's fucking 8 in the morning
>half the team is still rolling out of bed
>we could be meeting at 10 when everyone has had coffee
>but instead
>for no reason
>we are meeting at 8:15
>manager proceeds to ramble about nothing in particular for 20 minutes
>everyone is trying to get their work started/make breakfast
>begin tuning her out
>>>>>miss a beat in the ramble where someone's supposed to say "yup"

"TEEHEEE YA'LL SURE ARE QUIET!!! EVERYONE'S SUCH AN *~~AWKWARD INTROVERT~~* TEEHEE"

I'm a monkey that works for a canadian company on home office
I barely work, they love me, I don't get out of my house on most days and I drink way more than a should
Happy?

i hate women

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PM here. The only way I can get sexually aroused anymore is by making engineers awkwardly squirm at standups. Nothing else works. I can only get the blood flowing by putting socially anxious coders on the spot by asking them personal questions or doing stupid team building exercises that forces them to reveal personal information and anecdotes.

my engineering manager runs standups, great desu.

PMs are a step away from me as a developer.

Come to think of it, we don't have a comedy board so might as well have this on Any Forums right?

>be me
>gigachad manly macho man
>land job at paypal
>tech lead is a female chubby leftsit from california
>product owner is an indian woman
>co-worker is an indian pajeeta
>managed is the blackest gorilla pajeet I've seen with an awful fucking broken english
>they hire diversity black female who unironically *smacks lips* and rubs chin all the time
>anglo manager is leaving the company
>a bunch of chinks are leaving the company
>tech lead gets angry when you ask her something related to the code base
>documentation team has 1 emily and 1 stacy who are the typical "I HAVE A BOYFRIEND" kind of woman
>wages are below market

gas all project managers they are useless parasites