How are you brobots

Currently being left on read by the only person who texts me. It's been a week.
I've been reading and writing more as a result, though, which is good. Every cloud has its silver lining, sometimes.What bout you guys?

Attached: tired.jpg (600x718, 39.52K)

My best friend - more appropriately, my oldest friendship started leaving me on delivered for a month at least. I don't know why he does that, I doubt he's that disrespectful to his employer or to the sluts he orbits online.

Writing thing is 12000+ words long. I've been doing ~3000 words a night, consecutively, which is already much longer than my previous longest work. Feels pretty good. I am still lonely though.

My life is like that tone that rises ever higher but instead it gets forever lower. The pitch feels like it is always falling into the depths however it is more like I am constantly falling towards the ground about to splat when I am seamlessly teleported up a few feet only to keep falling, always feeling like I am about to disintegrate, always somehow staying just barely afloat. But I know one day I will simply liquefy into a puddle onto that harsh concrete floor.

Finished 8 books in the past week, all of them at least 200 pages long. Reading makes me feel lonely, but everytime I think about picking something up other than reading I remember I'm lonely so I keep reading. Figure it's better to waste time by reading rather than writing instead of time bumming about on the internet while feeling sorry for myself. Sorry for the blogpost, I know I'm a faggot. But you guys are the closest thing I have to friends at the moment. I'm pathetic

or, not rather. tired, my brain's shite

Why are people so shitty to us? I don't know if this applies to you, but I always seem to care more about my "friends" than they do about me
The shephard tone, I think? Miserable, user, but profound. Nice

>first quote
Same.
People are generally uncaring about me, even if they are polite and display liking. They often expect me to make all the effort, and it's usual for me to hit the ball and for them not to hit back.

Good way to have zero retention.

Yes the shepherds tone. Sums me up. Hopefully I can break out of it in a positive way but aha, you know.

Jealous, are we?
Kek, you're right though. But I don't care; none of it was super dense or intellectual. I read for fun, temporary entertainment. Academic reading is not recreational reading. I like to memorise poems, though, and I have decent memory overall. Awful short-term, but I'll remember things in vivid detail some months later, lol.

>it's usual for me to hit the ball and for them not to hit back.
You worded it fucking exactly, perfectly. It feels just like that. Playing swingball on our own :(
WIsh you the best with it dude, hope I do too.

Oh, and a short story too while I'm pseudo-bragging about things no one cares abour. My father recommended it to me, and it was weird and predictable, but I enjoyed it a fair bit anyway :)

ehhhhhhhhhh bumpu desu?

Going through processes of grieving various shit in my life. I had the worst case of supressed grief, went around accumulating shit for over 20 years which I never dealt with.

It's been a rough ride these last couple of years. 20 years worth of shit packed into 2 years.

The thing that gets me is that at some point, all that loss and grief become an essential part of me and my sense of self. It became my emotional core if you'd like which very much dictated how I felt about things.
And now that I am sort of parting ways with it, there's huge chunks of 'me' that goes with it, leaving a void or an emptiness which I dont know what to fill up with. I just feel kinda numbed out, not knowing how to feel anymore since the way I felt things before was through this filter of loss and longing.

What I fear is that I will never get that emotional core again. It seems to me that ones emotional core is informed by various milestone experiences in life. Defining moments, first loves, first losses. Just alot of firsts. And now I'm past that age where no such moments come to me anymore. That I'll spend the rest of my life not feeling much at all about anything since I feel I am unable to replenish my soul, as dramatic as that sounds.

I dont know if that makes sense to anyone or if I went full schizo.

Attached: rembrandt_harmenszoon_van_rijn_17.jpg (600x796, 111.27K)

>20 years worth of shit packed into 2 years.
that's the only bit I don't quite exactly get. Baed Rembrandt too

Meaning I had to unpack 20 years of negative life experiences in a matter of 2 years.

Oh, right, makes sense. Godspeed user

bump before bed, night anons

Never been in a worse spot emotionally or mentally.

The girl I talked to for 2 years and finallly started flirting and being sweet with me started drinking with her ex again and went back to him because "he told me he loved me." So she's back to his abusive ass as usual. I thought we had a connection, we talked about everything and I talked her down from killing herself over this retard.

My previous and only major relationship was 3 years of off and on ghosting and I still am fucked up about that to this day. Monkey branching fat bitch left me for out of the blue right as things were getting better.

My mom is getting older. Money is getting tighter. I'm getting fatter. Reasons to live all going away besides video games and legos.

Stop entertaining suicide so much, you end up taking it seriously by saying this shit, even as a joke.
You should focus on losing fat, it's the singular most obvious overall net gain one can perceive in your post to your life.