Anyone else lost faith in their ability to live a happy life? At least guys like us used to have a gf to fuck at the end of a shitty day, but now dating apps and social media have taken even that away.
>ugly and balding
>ship gpa in college so grad school options cut off
>chronic health problems with no cure
Yes. I doubt I'll ever be less than miserable.
>poor
>bad genes
>family full of retards who are a constant burden
Yeah, but I've been so in the shitter before that there was really no way to go but up. And then you back down again. That's life, some people have it harder than others and almost nobody understands.
I'm getting older now like everyone is, but I mention that because I'm at the point where I need to step up and put a lot of effort in or else it's nothing. Just back to the sewers again, and maybe death. That sort of motivates me but at the same time I am so tired in life that I also don't care. That's just the way it goes.
I am in an abusive marriage with kids. I know you'll never believe me, like not in a billion years, but trust me when I say you are better off single than living in literal hell every single day.
Same, I used to feel so motivated and genuinely believed I could build a better life for myself. Eventually the milestones start piling up and you realize shit just isn't what you thought it'd be. I turned 25 this summer and am still a virgin. That was seriously jarring and it kind of made me realize that there's no happy ending waiting for me. This isn't some movie or novel. My life just sucks and that's it. Slow quiet misery for 50 more years until I kick the bucket.
How does your wife abuse you? I think what you say is definitely possible. But living in this modern era is so expensive and without someone else to split things with me it's going to be very tough and it's not fair, in other time periods it was financially easier to be single.
Life just fucks certain people around no matter what they do. Some older people who never got a good start to life will cope by saying that it's a marathon not a sprint, you get knocked down you get back up, and so forth. It seems to be a good cope for people who believe it, you should try it. I guess that is the same with me, if something ever comes out of my life.
>How does your wife abuse you?
Throwing hard plastic at my face over small things, smashing my possessions (phone, computer, house walls) if I try to leave the situation or go to another room, lying on camera and threatening to call the police on me so I can't do it myself, threatening to divorce and leave over every tiny thing that happens every day, screaming insults and swearing at me constantly in front of my toddler son, and all this is almost every day.
I wonder if you can buy some sort of escape room or location for situations like that, just to keep your things out of her reach. As for the abuse and throwing stuff, you tough it out for your son?
>lost
>implying I ever had it in the first place
Maybe she is mentally ill or on drugs. There are always reasons for these things. I would be fine with being single my whole life because I'm used to it, but everything is so expensive now, it's so unfair. I could say a lot about your situation but the most important thing to think about is your kid. Any move you make should consider his quality of life.
>Life just fucks certain people around no matter what they do. Some older people who never got a good start to life will cope by saying that it's a marathon not a sprint, you get knocked down you get back up, and so forth. It seems to be a good cope for people who believe it, you should try it. I guess that is the same with me, if something ever comes out of my life.
I used similar copes for the longest time. My favorite cope was being a late bloomer in every which way. There's something that's just different about turning 25, especially given how shitty my life and trajectory is. I used to be good at convincing myself that I could turn things around. Now my life is in such a shit state that I can't even convince myself no matter how hard I try, there's just too much evidence pointing in the 'it's over' direction.
Ok so I have a study/work room with a bed that I generally "hide away" in but occasionally she's smashed holes in the walls outside until I come out.
I've thought a lot about somehow getting a kind of steel door or a steel sheet that would go in front of the door. I've looked for something like this on Amazon but found nothing.
The bigger issue is that I want to move us into a bigger house next year but I'm afraid of buying nice things like a house because I feel like my wife has no self-control at all, and she will gaslight me that "it's your fault I did this. You made me crazy so I broke this" etc. She broke the laptop and TV that I bought her and keeps asking me to buy another but I haven't done that yet. I want to build a nice house, etc. but I am afraid to buy nice things because they end up broken as soon as she goes off the rails. Smashing things probably only happens like once every 2 months though.
>You tough it out for your kid?
Yes. I am afraid that divorce could mean less time seeing my kid so I more or less do whatever is needed to not have to do that.
Did she only become like this after marriage? Any red flags you ignored? How is the sex?
She's not on drugs. I strongly believe she is mentally ill in some ways. I want her to take anger management counseling. I am currently waiting for the last fight a week ago to calm down enough to bring this up again. I called the national crisis hotline or whatever it's called a few days ago and I'm now firmly in favor of getting us counseling.
>everything is so expensive these days.
I'm not bragging but I have a great salary and savings, despite being the sole provider for 3 people (myself, wife, kid). I did this by taking actuarial exams after college and becoming an actuarial consultant. For anyone with a college degree that's technical/STEM in any way, actuarial exams feels like a pretty simple way of getting into a white collar/"good" career job.
Sorry bro you married a narc. Your kid is going to be emotionally abused and gaslit by her. Will probably end up with low self esteem and become a robot.
> I strongly believe she is mentally ill in some ways
Look up narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). You cant fix these people as far as I know. Its the closest thing to being born evil that I know of.
Is insecurity at the root of that problem or is that a meme?
>Did she only become like this after marriage?
There were red flags that she would fly off the handle with rage before the marriage, which I ignored because I was very young and wanted to get married. She is much older than me actually, so she's not exactly conventionally attractive or super hot or anything now. I felt like she was at the time though.
>Why'd you marry her then?
She's conscientious. She is obsessed with cleanliness to the point of very likely having OCD, which I realize now is not a good thing, but I can generally count on her to be responsible for things like feeding our son. And she's always at home, has maybe 1 real friend who she doesn't see much, etc. It's just me, her, and my son together with no real social life, which puts me in control in a lot of ways.
>How is the sex
A month ago I decided I wanted to lose weight and also told my wife I wanted to try having sex almost every day. We tried this for like a week before giving up and the fasting caused me not to want sex every day anyway. I am now trying to push for sex more often anyway because some user on here told me that more sex would help this relationship. It has but only slightly. Fights are still really bad.
> There were red flags that she would fly off the handle with rage before the marriage, which I ignored because I was very young and wanted to get married
Nigga..also the fact she has only one friend is a red flag because no one else can tolerate her
I'm fairly certain my mother has that, actually. Which would explain why I might have been subconsciously attracted to it in my wife at first. My mother and I fight a lot but I can see actual narcissism plain as day now when I interact with her. For example I said the other day to my mother
>So they're saying they might promote me at the end of the year
And her response was immediately
>Well they also might not
To which I responded
>Why are you so negative?
And she said
>I just want you to be prepared for all possible outcomes.
This immediately antagonistic take has been my mother's approach to talking with me my entire life.
Also I notice that when she's with my son or anyone really, she doesn't consider if they're hungry or anything, so she'll wait all day before suggesting to eat or anything, but if I point this out she will become extremely defensive and it's not worth it.
To me there is no point in gf if I can't get an attractive one. If my only option is a 4/10 for a gf then I'd rather be single. The girl you posted would be so fun to come home to have sex with. I'd be working a job if it meant I get to come home every night to that.
or that
or them
>She has only one friend
That's my fault for moving her to another country. She has friends in her home country that I've met. Anyway I constantly wonder if I'm wasting my late 20s/early 30s being married like this, but then I hear horror stories about dating in your 30s and I remind myself that I am a father too so maybe it's not a waste. I go back and forth on this constantly.
Clearly you do go back and forth, look at the first post you made in this thread and now your post that I am replying too. You are all over the place. Have you ever asked why she is acting like this?
Same, but that's not how life works. I'll get a 5/10 wife if I'm lucky. That's how dire my life is at this point. I won't even get multiple gfs beforehand. I'm literally just hoping to be a betabuxx for a 5/10 at this point. Younger me would be beyond disappointed.
>That's my fault for moving her to another country
Could be a cultural thing you weren't made aware of. Is she Japanese?
>Have you ever asked why she is acting like this?
I think it's just a lack of empathy. In her narcissistic worldview, her bad actions are always justified by anything I did in the past or could possibly do in the future, and explaining this doesn't do much good because she will rationalize everything she does with me as the scapegoat. As I said above, my game plan now is finding a counselor. Our son starts school very soon and that's the time the to go.
Korean. I'm aware of the culture and the way Korean women treat their husbands. Even living in her home country a while didn't solve or even change the problems at all.
The Asian/Korean/maybe Japanese(?) worldview on this seems to be that if the wife is insulting and what I would call abusive to the husband, the husband will think "oh no, I need to do better. I need to buy my wife things and do more so she is happier." But as I've explained to my wife, I don't respond to this. If she attacks me, I shut down. I don't "get better" I freeze. That's not the way my body learns things. But.. it's hard to get rid of one's cultural instincts I guess.
Nope see you have willfully accepted mediocrity. Just know that women do not ever accept this in their lives even if it looks like they have settles. Neither should you or any other guy. Stop lying to yourself its true suffering. If you can't have someone you are at least attracted to it will never work. Living an entire life in misery with someone else isn't my idea of a good life. I'd rather be alone if it had to come to that.
im unable to see any good feature i have so i understand why i cant demand a 10/10 girl, a 10/10 job, a 10/10 life, stick with your league anons, be happy
> Korean
She got that han
Yeah.. that's a very specific Korean word for it. Any advice for getting rid of it would be appreciated I guess.
If its the Korean style you're dealing with, might need to study the ideal Korean relationship and compare and contrast it with the ideal Western relationship to find a good middle-ground.