So fucking alone. Why me? Why did it have to be fucking me out of everyone I know? Almost everyone I know from high school except the mega NEETs have had or are in relationships. Fuck, even some of the mega NEETs are in relationships. Maybe I'm just too autistic to love, I don't fucking know, but I have spent the last 2 and a half years in brutal solitude separated from all of my peers, on the social periphery with no way back in, and I can feel life's opportunities slipping through my fingers. I feel so resentful and bitter when I see how blissfully happy others are walking with their partners and living great lives. And there are absolutely no ways to spin this to make myself feel better, I'm not the main character, I'm not the deep thinker, I'm not even the psychotic, I'm just another guy who fell through the cracks. What a fucking nihilistic existence
So fucking alone. Why me? Why did it have to be fucking me out of everyone I know...
Tl;dr also use paragraph breaks
The average attention span of the modern man everyone. If there was ever a reason to an hero this is it right here.
honestly i believe in fate at this point because no person would willingly sign up for this kind of life i sure as shit didnt
I'm really fucking lonely. We're in the same boat except I'm barely a person anymore.
I can't make friends with any of the men in my classes, they are either locals who dont speak to foreigners or redditors that get angry at everything I say.
I turned to talking to the ugliest chicks for company to feel less alone, doesnt matter anyways cuz women look at me like a circus freak and I visibly sweat and overshare when I talk to people now.
I was already autistic as shit in highschool, the covid isolation has made it hard to even realize that you're speaking to a human being when you talk to me.
I'm so unlike my peers: The only new friend I made in 2 years at my new uni was the fucking russian exchange student who is now back home.
The worst part about growing up is the fact that you realise there's no narrative to any of this. The universe doesn't have a plan for you, things aren't just going to "work out", "the one" doesn't exist, romance is transactional, hell, there's not even any guarantee that you don't one day just turn insane and lose everything forever and live out the rest of your life tortured by hellish delusions. That's not to say that there aren't things I like in life, but on a whole, suffering is the name of the game for so many of us.
this whole life is misery and some of us experience worse misery then others. sure we could be worse off like starving in africa but I wouldnt wish loneliness on anybody. the kind where your family doesnt care about you. no one loves you. we could die tomorrow and we would be forgotten about within a year like we never existed to begin with.
to add onto that I feel like the people who dont understand robots should spend an entire month with zero contact with anybody. no texting, no voicechats, no going outside and talking to people, absolutely nothing. and see how your mental health is doing after the month has passed. and then you can judge us
From my years on Any Forums I would guess most of the regulars here are your exact archetype. There's usually 1-2 per graduating class, people that are so invisible and so isolated that they don't even fit in with the weirdo clique or nerd clique. They are decently smart on paper but rarely engage in mentally stimulating professions, talk and look relatively normal but have that constant undercurrent of something being wrong or off, and get completely wrecked by regular life hurdles. They don't even have the romantic downfall into drugs or homelessness, but rather spend a quiet life in mediocre dead ends. I don't know if it's some unstudied mental illness, executive dysfunction, or if having such a specific amount of autism (not enough to really grab life by the spergery) dooms these people to come crawling here en masse.
>Why me?
You're on death row saying this in front of all the other condemned. We're all in the same boat.
Sounds like unironic Schizoid PD
Better alone than alone in a group of people and observing them them interact with each other while completely ignoring you as if you were a ghost.
Anyway, stop lamenting on the fact that you're alone, being alone isn't a curse on the contrary, you're free to do whatever you want without ever risking to disappoint or displease anyone and needing to cater to other needs and tastes.
The only thing that sucks is to go outside normalfags trying their best to show how their grass is greener, with their arrogant exhibitionism and blatant overacting.
the only way out i can see for people like this, myself included, is finding some drastically different outlet to our usual, shit lives. shizoid types were the shamans and the poet-warriors and the esoteric rider kings. we should be OUT THERE doing strange shit and we act this way because we're like lightning trapped in little metal boxes. at least that's how i feel: i believe going far out into nature and living primal will awaken that in me and give me new life. if you're an invisible schizo like this, you need at least one moment in the whole span of your days to stand out in the absolute middle of nowhere and scream at the moon. everybody on the inside is too press-rolled and fucking grey, and most of them are straight up blackholes of humanity that you will never be able to wake up or change or have any fun with. embrace the loneliness to the extreme at least once and venture into the woods. it's as well a coming of age modern man doesn't get anymore
>to go outside
*to go outside and seeing
OP here. I've been dreaming of getting out of town and wild camping for 4-5 days, leaving my phone behind and just bringing a dummy phone in case of emergencies, finding someplace very secluded where I will see no one else and I can be at peace. No cars, no smog, no bullshit social hierarchies, no modern obligations, no authoritarian bosses, just the calming indifference and Tao of nature. It's the only motivation I have to keep living at this point, because I've exhausted my potential in human society.
Neither I nor my 2 friends ever even kissed a girl AFAIK. I had two opportunities I turned down as a child. Nothing since
see? you already know exactly what i'm talking about. ACTUATE IT. make it a reality: put down on paper what you would need, how much it would all cost, when you could do it, and then plan and execute. i have to wait myself because i need a shit load of money for all the prerequisites, but i am ACTIVELY trying to get to the point where i can do that.
>just bringing a dummy phone in case of emergencies
As long as you think this thought, you will never be free. You'll always be a slave to technology, to your possessions, and to the fact that you're a scared pussy...just like the rest of us.
Before the year 2000, people used to be able to find the courage to go camping without a cell phone, bro. Somehow.
>we should be OUT THERE doing strange shit and we act this way because we're like lightning trapped in little metal boxes. at least that's how i feel: i believe going far out into nature and living primal will awaken that in me and give me new life. if you're an invisible schizo like this, you need at least one moment in the whole span of your days to stand out in the absolute middle of nowhere and scream at the moon.
sounds absolutely kino, I need to schedule some vacation days for this
This is pretty much why people tell you to take risks in life, when you escape your comforting lifestyle, it can feels like the whole world has opened up to you.
if you wear any but deer skin clothing you killed with tools you yourself made out of flint you will always be a slave to technology you colossal fucking nigger. Go fucking hunt a bison with a sharpened stick and timestamp it faggot.
>so fucking alone
yeah? and? nobody gives a fuck you retarded negro. look inside yourself. are you happy to be with that person?
I'm not the one claiming I'm GONNA GET OUT THERE and master the TAO OF NATURE and be a WILD SHAMAN, bro. That's you.
>Oh wow man I am so at peace! I am ONE WITH THE TREES! I have gotten so beyond my AUTHORITARIAN BOSSES! I am a wild man doing WILD THINGS!!!! Ooooo wait did my phone run down? I need my phone charged in case I stub my toe!!!!
t. you
>I'm just another guy who fell through the cracks.
That sums it up pretty well.