29, still not having sex with anyone except anime girls

Money and genetics play too large a role in life. I was born with nothing, not even a healthy body. Satan has lead me to believe that it was intentional. Oh man... I just want life to stop... why will my heart not stop beating, I treat it so poorly but it keeps going. This is so painful.

He keeps telling me I'm about to have a heart attack, by writing the words over reality. I keep telling him I hope I do.

Ok. Well I'm a dreamwalker. I wish I could reach you, but I need to know the person for several months first before I can work that sort of thing.
My suggestion? Go to a carehome and strike up a conversation with someone lonely. Make them feel loved, and give them a hug. I can't do remote work, it HAS to be in person otherwise I can't move through you.

Real love begins with paying attention. And a gracious act of self-forgetting. Giving love and care to someone or some animal won't stop the voices, But it will heal other parts of you.

sex is gross user i would rather get cuddled to sleep

if i want to where can i start learning magick
it seems cool and i actually wouldnt mind doin some in my spare time :3

I can barely get out of bed, dreamwalker. I've been hit in the head with a crowbar, repeatedly, and he is still doing it. Owe. Owe. Owe. Owe. Owe. Owe. Owe. Owe. Owe. Owe. Owe. Owe. Owe. Owe. Owe.
Owe.

Yes, as soon as I close my eyes he starts showing me naked women in my third eye. Instantly. It is torture. Owe. Owe. I can't close my eyes, but the reality in front of my face is so horrifying that I want nothing else. Owe. Owe. I'm not allowed to have sex. Owe. I have no food in my fridge. Owe. I'm ugly. Owe. I'm sick. Owe. I'm in poverty. Owe. I haven't talked to anyone in 10 years. Owe. This was all done by a godlike, inhuman, all knowing figure. Owe. They make me watch normal people. Owe. He said this is actually good for me. He said this is good for me, even though I can still think clearly, I can see I was just born in extremely unfortunate circumstances. I think he's trying to take credit for everything to more easily control me. Why won't it end. Why won't it end. Owe.

He shows me beautiful naked women in my third eye, then when I start actually crying irl because it hurts so bad, I can not have sex, the visions don't stop, he makes my lips feel like they're being kissed. My hand felt like it was jerking off a penis when I started writing this. The walls speak to me. My fridge speaks to me. He's always doing things. The duration of this, it's just insane. It's just insane that somebody would make me spend 30 years here. It's just insane.

bump
where the magick person :

there's lots of places. But it's hereditary in my case. My grandmother was a white magick practitioner. Whenever my mom has a dream about a phone call in the kitchen, she knows she's about to speak to someone dead. I walk through dreams to sit with people in their final moments, or times of dire need. I also dreams births and deaths of those close to me. There's more, but that's not relevant right now.

My VERY first lesson was to spend my summers visiting the elderly and playing dominos with them. I will tell you my tenets, and maybe the gift of heart magick will be yours too (thats just what I call it) And it will give you more power than any grimoire or arcane ritual can ever grant. Here are my tenets, maybe you can use them to approximate a path-- because this isn't a LARP. I've healed people all my life, and continue to do so.
>The tenets and rules you should follow if you want to walk the right-hand path:
>Your three mandates: Healing, protection, and knowledge. They work in tandem, and if your intent is true, they bolster each other-- Heal their
>Have you ever seen a 'spooky' game called light as a feather, stiff as a board? well, there's a hint in there. To be light. You must lighten your heart, have fun, laugh, be joyous, compassionate. Magick was never meant to be dark and serious. It's a celebration and a nod to the unknown.
>The string of a violin is held under tension to produce the most beautiful music. Magick draws off of a tension similar to this-- except instead of a root and a tab to pull it tight-- you are instead using disbelief. You must simultaneously believe and disbelieve that what you are doing in having an effect. And you must be ready to let go of the whole concept. You don't want to cling to the 'secret' world. Forget about it, it was fun, you had fun, and you don't need to dwell on it.

Should I keep going? Or is this just a bunch of BS to you?

Ok! The crowbar hitting the head. I can use that.
Where do you live?

I might as well finish regardless.

>you don't need to bully, barter, or bargain with spirits and entities. All they are doing is dipping a thimble into the ocean of your soul and handing you back a thimble. I know this, because in my weavings I've bumped up against them, and felt their utter jealousy. Those entities need US, not the other way around.
>Listen to people. Find the good in them. Only with a loving eye can you see into people in a way that borders on the supernatural.
>Make people feel appreciated. Show them that they're not alone. That they matter. Their minds will open up to you like a flower. You will see their needs, wants, and fears, you will see and hear and taste things from their past. You will know things that are hidden from their site.
>A truly good deed is done anonymously, without thought of accolade or award. Don't talk about it extensively, don't brag about it, don't get an ego about being privy to something grand. The only reason I talk about it on here is I'm anonymous.
You don't need books, you don't need sigils or reagants, you don't need to perform and jump through hoops for the entertainment of other thoughtforms.