Man i just don't seem to get the appeal of being alive at all, this is awful and i really want to die

man i just don't seem to get the appeal of being alive at all, this is awful and i really want to die

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Me too. I'm just lazing around burning through my money before going ahead and ending it all. This life brings nothing but suffering.

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I can relate. Do you mind describing what a typical day is like for you and how you feel/your mindset through that typical day? Trying to compare my life to others.

Right now i just sleep through the days so I don't have to deal with the heat, so I'm awake between 8pm to 11am. When i wake up i just come on here to see what's going on and watch NJPW or stardom if they're on and if they're not i listen to music all day. I cook my one meal for the day after about an hour of being awake and then go back to shitposting. I only leave my house every ten days to buy food. I would read or play some games but even that doesn't bring joy anymore.

Thanks for the reply. I've asked multiple people on here this same question and they didn't reply.
I sleep a lot and my schedule is all over the place, but even if I try to have a 'normal' day routine I eventually end up napping for a weird amount of time and then getting up again and then my sleep is all messed up again.
I have had these types of problems for well over a decade now. But I think what is mainly killing me is the messed up sleep patterns. Not every day is the same - sometimes I have to do some errands. But life is just so crap in so many ways. It didn't have to be this way.
Have you ever considered fitness as a cope? For a 'beginner' it may give you some decent dopamine hits.

They're probably afraid to admit how shit their life is.
A messed up sleeping pattern can be the cause for feeling off all the time for certain individuals. I tried fitness for a couple of years but it wasn't really helping me, so i gave up on it about 4 months back since i lost all motivation. I know it has helped people to get out their rut, but not me for some reason. I've had this feeling of being down in the shits for about 22 years now so maybe that's why it didn't work out for me.

You know that feeling when you feel like you are pushing against some ungodly powerful force of nature, I think that's the problem for guys like us. There are multiple problems here that run very deep and it's not as easy as surface level solutions like online blogs and online posters claim it is.
We can speculate all day as to what those problems actually are, but in the meantime, this just really sucks. It feels like there is no solution anywhere in the universe and trust me, I have searched for it. I have searched for them far and wide. At least in the meantime you have your copes, you have your food, your sleeps, your video games.

>just don't seem to get the appeal of being alive at all
Me either.

Im starting ketamine next week
If it doesnt work thats probably it for me
I guess I can give he magnets and ECT a try but they dont have great success rates.

I understand that feeling all too well. That's why I'm on the path to end it now as I've felt i have done everything i can to correct the errors of this exist over the past 15 years with no luck. I'm getting old, i feel tired and barely functional. Everything i used to use to cope has become a withering interest, and with nothing to cope with, what's the point?

I want to try ketamine too.
I'm wishing you all the best.

Thanks user. Ill probably post here how it goes for you if you want. Search archives for lhujftu.

Life has no appeal for me anymore. I can occasionally enjoy thingsbut it never surpasses the background desire I feel for just being dead.

why do you think anyone is supposed to feel happy 24/7 or even ever

animals, which humans are, are motivated by hunger, thirst, fear, and lust.

no animal evolved for this "how do i become happy?" business. it's just not a real thing. its not a real thing you can ever reach by seeking.

wild creatures, wild humans, were motivated on a day to day basis by being FUCKING HUNGRY or FUCKING HORNY or FUCKING SCARED.

if you have food, basic safety, and you fap enough that you dont get horny, why should you expect to feel anything at all?

the concept of "happiness" divorced from distraction and moment-to-moment entertainment is literally NOT A FUCKING THING.

its a lie used to sell you shit. "oh you dont feel absolutely ecstatic every minute of the day? theres something wrong with you, you need pills."

you are literally not supposed to feel "happy" if nothing fun is happening. "happiness" is a fleeting reward to the animal mind for making a kill or winning a fight or fucking a cave chick.

there is nothing wrong with you for feeling "depressed." it is absolutely the natural state of man in the absence of entertainment or acute pain.

I knew a guy who was in the same position and the ketamine didn't work... he took one last infusion, rowed his kayak out onto the lake in my town with a concrete attached to his body and threw himself over. This was just a couple weeks ago.

I'm 1 month sober because drugs stopped working for me. I've tried everything to cure my anhedonia and inability to mask and be a fucking phony for a few shekels or the remote prospect of some used up snatch. All I ever wanted was a family.

Honestly I'm gonna go out with bang... fuck this atomized industrial cesspool / domestic captivity and it's complicit technicians. Burn it down

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*concrete block

why do you think you have to cure "anhedonia" or mask? i have zero ability to mask either but its fine. youre gonna piss people off sometimes but who gives a living shit.

like you're aware crack addicts are out here stealing from their jobs and getting another.

maybe you aren't gonna be able to live the stereotypical, office job, house, normie wife and 2 kids life, but like, fuck that garbage anyway.

This fuck being nice I'm not going to fuck up my body with pills just so I can act nice for fucking normies who hate my guts anyway

>why do you think you have to cure "anhedonia" or mask?

I know there's no cure besides companionship. I ran my own farm for the purpose of subsistence but sold all my animals after a year because it was meaningless alone. My sole passion became torture. Now I'm literally just rotting away...

I'm a 24yr old mildly autistic virgin balding manlet. I have to fucking mask for female companionship. When my mask slips, it's crickets. No more admiration or interest. Besides, everyone I've ever had a chance with who I found remotely interesting lives in Europe and I'm back in the US now. Too many fucking rules over there to do what I want.

It's not about pissing people off, I do that anyway. It's about an inability to relate to others and be authentic without consequences. Fuck normies. Just domesticated, oversocialized swine

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what is "meaningless"? why is it meaningless to have a living that you can make alone without having to deal with normies? it sounds like a lot of hard work, though, so i get that.

you will absolutely never derive "meaning" from anything having to do with normies because nothing they do has any meaning. they don't think about "meaning". they just do things. "ignorance is bliss."

you only have to mask for the kind of female companionship that you *want*. or that you think you want.

if you have to mask from minute one with somebody, that relationship is never going to be anything but a personal hell for you. you will never relate to them, you will never really get along with them, they will never understand you or care about what you want. they will want all the "normal" things and there will be hell to pay if you can't or don't want the "normal" things.

they will want you to meet their friends, meet their parents, go on dates, shell out for a fucking wedding, every single god damn piss little thing that normies need to do to stamp out any fear that they aren't being normal.

the women you'll get along with, you probably don't want.

she will be 24, mildly autistic, fat and have acne. she will probably be autistically into harry potter or digimon or some shit.

but she will love animals in a true way. not "ohhh look how cute the puppy is, i need a pic for instagram" but hugging the sheep and sleeping in the barn with the horse when he's sick. she will tolerate all your weirdness because she is weird as fuck herself. she will probably have no friends or just some weird ones. she probably hates her parents. this is absolutely the true femanon, the vast majority of silent ones who never ewhore and never say they're a girl.

you will fight and scream at each other now and then because you are both autists. that's fine. you might have a hard time getting it up for her at first because she's kind of fat and weird looking. that's life.

I wish I hadn't wasted so much time and energy trying to adapt. I self-medicated during this entire time (~5 years) because it was the only way I could play the game.. and it quite literally crippled me. I'm certain that it caused atherosclerosis because I have all the fucking symptoms and I can't even eat without pain now. Masking destroyed me and I can no longer enjoy my work, hobbies, let alone a fucking meal or glass of water without pain.

What you said is gnawing at my heart because I knew this deep down... But I just kept killing myself because I never met anyone like you describe. And yeah, I probably wouldn't want an unattractive low functioning autist gf who's sole interests are trash. How would I even find one anyway?

I think I'm just gonna order some opiates and enjoy my last days.. can't bear the regret, shame, and pains from coping so hard. My brain and body are fucked and I'm only 24