That's it then. I'm writing my suicide letter to my family and gonna itemize things for whoever ends up having to clean up and throw out what few possessions I have, probably my sister. -massive lifelong video game addict -ADHD -borderline personality disorder -starting to show early signs of alzheimer's -starting to show early signs of schizophrenia -starting to show very early signs of dementia -years and years of depression -multiple suicide attempts -poor -loser -old -no education -no friends -no relationship -only one family member who still even talks to me -inferior male specimen both from lifestyle and genetics -nothing to offer a partner long-term -no money -no food -3 months behind on rent and bills -shit wagie job -too fucked up to go back to school -too fucked up to get a better job -too fucked up to focus and harness any sort of drive to find a better job or apply to school or to basically perform any basic life functions like ... renewing my driver's license or making a doctor's appointment -cannot focus on anything besides a computer/phone screen anymore -cannot read books because cannot focus -cannot remember proper nouns anymore (names of literally anything especially people, legit cannot remember half my coworker's names and I see them 5 days a week)
I'm done. I quit. THIS TIME I'm gonna make sure I do it right. I wish I could get a hold of a gun and just shoot myself but A: no money B: no license C: it's Canada so I don't think you can get guns here anymore. I considered overdosing on some (I have boxes and boxes of the stuff like hundreds of pills) meds I have left that I was taking for BPD but it's not reliable. I'm thinking jumping onto the rails as the metro is pulling into the station (so it doesn't have time to stop unlike that thing in new york yesterday) OR actually suicide by cop, like maybe brandishing a BB gun to trick them into shooting me cuz I couldn't & wouldn't actually hurt someone) are my best options.
>massive lifelong video game addict you have no idea but this is pretty much your only problem all of the other stuff get fixed a lot easier when you stop giving yout energy to these demons. youre fucking with your reward system bud. people arent meant to live this way. this lifestyle will drive you to suicide bud youtube.com/watch?v=neZq-axSV8g youtube.com/watch?v=SMWX2AJW2to youtube.com/watch?v=eBPsWni-3Fs youtube.com/watch?v=nwgSW19nrzQ >cant remember... cant focus if you want to change your life, take a full MONTH and dont look at a screen AT ALL start reading as your main passtime and do start doing some bodyweights eventually startbodyweight.com/
user I dont know your name, but theres always something good to look up for.
My own life story has been in nightmare mode and yet I am certain that one day I will be happy and then Im gonna tell myself "I am so glad I didnt kms".
Even in the present surrounded by shit you can find that little glimpse of joy. That little pleasure.
Forget about this mentality and try again. At the end you are free, and sometimes we forget about this. Theres an entire world to enjoy.
Isaiah Sanchez
meant to post this one
also bud, try praying or talking to God all that matters is that you mean it but whatever just stop the bad things, do a dopamine reset try to move back in with parents if possible.. wagiedom will kill you bud
I've been thinking about subway too but I don't live in the city so it's kind of a hassle. I wish the trains that go through here weren't so slow and/or didn't have the guard thing that would push you off the track instead of having the wheels go over you.
Brayden Wood
Try what user said here >take a full MONTH and dont look at a screen AT ALL Give it a go, sounds like you got nothing to lose so why not? Read books and go for a walk, maybe a nice bike ride if you got one/can get one.
David Martinez
>theres always something good to look up for. for lots of people looking at killing themselves, this isn't the case anymore
Adam Phillips
If you're in canada, you probably have some wilderness nearby, go out for a hike and just look at the nature, spend a night out there
Easton Carter
Oh there's no question about it I'm certain that I've got fucked up neurotransmitter levels and I spent years trying to fight this but I always end up circling back to the computer and the lifestyle around it. It's all I know. It's all that I am at this point it's like the one thing that defines my character and existence.
Alexander Richardson
>massive lifelong video game addict >-ADHD >-borderline personality disorder >-starting to show early signs of alzheimer's >-starting to show early signs of schizophrenia >-starting to show very early signs of dementia >-years and years of depression >-poor >-loser >-old >-no friends >-no relationship >-inferior male specimen both from lifestyle and genetics >-no money >-no food >-cannot focus on anything >-cannot read books because cannot focus >-cannot remember proper nouns anymore (names of literally anything especially people, legit cannot remember half my coworker's names and I see them 5 days a week)
All this applies to me aswell. And many points of my own.
Theres some of your points that are just a desceiption of your mentality and not an objective reality.
Change is all you need. Realize you feel like shit because your situation is shit. You think you cannot have a better life but thats a fallacie prompted by your current situation. You are free. Theres nothing holding you into this situation.
Jordan Long
bruh fuck you dont give up, if ur gona die atleast try this litteraly body hack big pharma hiding
This is the easiest way to fix ur problems, start using steroids.
>feel like a fucking stud, literally feel like you can kill anyone with your bare hand (completely delusional but that's how you'll feel) >wake up with rock hard erection every day >20x confidence >best anti-depressant in the world >...more??
don't be a retard and just stick to testosterone ethanthate and whatever meds you need for sides (prob just arimidex)
>I always end up circling back to the computer and the lifestyle around it. its either you stop it or you get older and rot get an airbnb for 2 or 3 days and go there. leave your computer and phone at home
Ryder Wilson
I already talk to god. Well ... not really. I talked to him a few years ago which taught me a lot about how it works and since then I keep that "direct line" to god silent because it's scary. I decided to indulge my curiosity a few days ago and lay in bed for about half an hour pouring my heart out to god quietly while whispering to myself. Is this spiritually significant or just schizo behavior? I don't even know at this point anymore because I've completely lost touch with reality.
Jayden Sanchez
also to add to steroid post, if ur broke and suicidal just steal shit / rob people all you need is fake gun or knife (ur gona die anyways) and if u dont suicide by cop (prettyyy cool geting shot) then u atleast get free shit in jail
Evan Morris
talk to your sister about this op
Cameron Kelly
it's fine dont worry
Kevin Jenkins
HAHA noooo way! She has her own family to worry about now. I can't be making my problems her problems anymore.
I finished writing the letter. I also got dressed in some nice clothing. Now just time to get psyched out, make sure my home is in order so there's nothing gross left behind and I'm good to go!
Carson Peterson
Can't go around committing crimes or hurting people. Can't have that on my conscience before I die and prison is not an option .... I'll just suicide by prison guard or other inmate before I spend one night in prison. I'm already in a mental prison don't need a physical one too.
>She has her own family to worry about now. theres going to be moments in her life after you're gone where shes looking at her kids and thinking about experiences they missed out a uncle they never got to meet or spend time with birthdays will never be whole for her, someone is missing from this picture
Nathaniel Mitchell
Yeah the addiction is basically the cause of all the bullshit in my life. I would go back to school and study engineering to work at a nuclear power plant or to build stuff but my problem is the fear of how fucked my mind is makes me essentially believe I've no hope of passing or ever even finishing a university degree. Plus the crushing guilt of having wasted so many years of my life is just unbearable.
Eli Foster
Yeah I'd love to be around to watch my nephew and any future kids she has grow up but realistically I'm of no use to any of them. I make everyone around me worse just for having known me because sooner or later my bullshit ends up corrupting all of my relationships. Plus I'm extremely anti-social at this point. Not because I don't like people, because i do, and i like being around people, but my lifestyle has caused whatever part of one's mind causes them to seek out social interaction to just not work anymore. I don't honestly care about being others anymore. On the rare occasion I leave my home for anything besides work to see my family it's like a holiday not a normal activity for me and I think they see and realize that.
>I wish I could get a hold of a gun and Yeah, so you won't do shit.
Nathan Cox
Is the steroid protocol different if you use them for different reasons or is it the same protocol if you take them for gains, deficiency, age and gender transition?
