Would you take this $500,000 job?

if there was a job offered to you that was $500k a year, would you take it? job description:
>every day, you have to take a dump in front of an audience
>the audience you never see. you just know it's 100 people behind one of those 1-sided see-through mirrors
>they record it with a video camera to watch later but NOBODY ELSE EVER SEES IT
>you HAVE TO keep the job for 5 years
>while you take a dump (completely naked btw) a 10/10 girl is standing in there with you, talking to you like a baby with encouragement "wow who's a big boy, keep pushing user! i believe in you. wow that's a big poopie!"
>you literally have to do a standing squat position and shit right on the floor and walk out of the room without wiping at all. then you can use the shower
>if you use the provided shower, the same female bathes you with soap and a sponge, being very supportive "wow user that was a big poopy, you're such a big boy lol!"
>if for whatever reason you wanted to get another job after the 5 years, they agreed that you could put any job on your resume and they'd lie about it
>if you don't last the entire 5 years, they take all of the money back (unless there's some medical emergency)
>even if you don't have to poop you have to stand there at least 10 minutes, squatting while the girl encourages you to take a dump
>the company will hire a personal chauffer to drive you to and from the place if you want
>after you take a dump there's a gormet chicken tendie and pizza platter if you so choose
>no drug tests

would you take this job?

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Dude, I'd do it for free

i would but i can't dump regularly and reliably like that, especially under that kind of pressure
like a male porn star, the pressure to perform must be maddening

my nigga keked lmao

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>i would but i can't dump regularly and reliably like that, especially under that kind of pressure
you'd get over it soon. pop a xanax bar to relieve the anxiety and drop a stimulant (even caffeine would work) to get your poops flowing

yeah but altering my diet and or using laxatives to be able to shit on command every day would be the difficult part. your whole life would be modified to start working up the next day's shit.

would you request a button next to the door on the way out, that when you press it says very loudly
>CLEAN IT UP WAGIE

idk champ. i get into a rhythm where i poop basically every morning

How often is payment? Per shit, per week, month? If it's $2.5m at the end of five years that might not be much after joeflation. I'd want to invest the pay so it's enough to retire after the five years.
I only shit once or twice a week but I can squat for ten minutes a day no problem, especially if there's a cheerleader giving moral support. Sounds like a good job.

Any chance the girl will spend extra time lathering up my cock and balls? Maybe give me a nice jerky werky and call me a good boy when I cum? Or is there a strict no sexual contact with the pooper clause in her contract?