Who is here reached a point in his life where he surpassed the depression and learned to turn the pain into fuel but at...

Who is here reached a point in his life where he surpassed the depression and learned to turn the pain into fuel but at the cost of his sanity? My family and friends fear and hate me now but at least I'm getting results out of life instead of rotting.

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I've always got results in life. I've been a textbook "successful person" since I was a child. I'm still unhappy regularly and don't know how to connect with people well.

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How are you getting results? Tell us your story user.

How did you do it? I used to get amazing results as a child, then got bored and started self-destructing. How do people just keep well behaving like good little drones for all their lives? I'm thankful that I went Postal, now I'm found with a sense of new purpose and strength

Hmm... after learning the pain, I decided to go on a 5 day dry fast. On day third I got sick and starting seeing hallucinations I think. I broke it at day 4 but it was enough to get good results, I experienced a huge reduction in my facial bloating and ADHD. Then I followed it with a 40 day fast after a small recovery period. I talk about this because learning to love the pain is what made me able to endure it, and it led to great results. I learned that when you stop eating, your libido dies, so I stopped fapping too, completely. Once that was done I thought fuck it and decided to get a job because I felt functional. I found a position as a waiter in some empty coffee shop After that, I decided it was time to open my old folders and found all my old data on self improvement I had gathered a long time ago but never bothered using. A lot of it was pretty unique stuff that dated from the 8ch /selfimprov/ era where people would post high quality OC. I started lifting, learning to program on the side, and read books. It's all the basic shit I should have done a long time ago, but now it was like I was immune to fatigue with this new mindset, I could just keep going. It eventually went to a point where as I was visiting my cousin, feeling like a totally different person, I naturally without thinking started talking to one of her friend, it was like I wasn't in control myself, and ended up asking her out to go out, which she accepted. I'm not gonna go into details because character limit but she's my gf now. I can feel like I'm growing stronger everyday, my brain is healing, my body is restoring, my age is reversing, I can feel it all. But since I don't stop, I can also feel some kind of mania. Sometimes when I'm in the middle of doing something I get these violent urges like I want to rip the head off someone. I know this seems kinda pathetic for some normalfag but to me, a schizoid hikki, it's kind of a new life. Maybe I'll go back to college in a year or two

I'm gonna fucking rip your head off smug anime faggot btw, I'm only waking up and soon I'll surpass you.

I started not caring about anyone but myself and basically purposely becoming a narcissist and It feels like people respect me more

>How did you do it?
>How do people just keep well behaving like good little drones for all their lives?
Fear. The consequences of making mistakes are too great in modern society, so I simply do not make mistakes. I pursue success because I'm scared of what it means to be a loser. It's like doing a pull-up, but I'm not doing it so I can have nice muscles. I'm doing it because there's a pit of spikes beneath me.

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Surpass my cock and balls with your lips, troglodyte. There are people far more successful than me and they still post here. No matter what you do, no matter how much you make it, you'll still be on the outside looking in.

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That's interesting. I romancitized being a loser at an early age because I thought being successful was a dead end, like a ladder to nowhere. You see so many extremely successful people and they still seem miserable and full of problems/doubt. There are indeed spikes beneath and they pierced me, but instead of dying I experienced a rebirth.

A man who has nothing to lose cannot be stopped. I'll surpass it all and become a demi-god, the one who experienced the bottom and the top, hell and heaven. This is what making it truly means. In little to no time you'll be growling at my feet

>The consequences of making mistakes are too great in modern society
that stuff did more to kill me than help me out - there are so many arbitrary spooks (see Stirner) to follow you stop recognizing which rules are enforced and which are not
social media makes you see all these people being made an example of but you can't see the context of why they were punished without seeing heaps of slander, best you can do is guess

I've always had depression but it doesn't make me some psychotic invalid. It has in the past, but not in a while.

The whole deal with depression being about something, like, I can't find a girlfriend, or I don't have enough, or I hate my job, or whatever seems more like some kind of social pathology, a personality disorder, in other words. Like, all those problems are totally made up and if you actually have depression no amount of pussy or wealth will help, except insofar as it grants you access to adequate health services.

Depression is like driving a car that struggles to go past 80ks. Like, any description of it is bound to be a description of the mechanics of the vehicle, not, like, "oh the car is sad because it's not an Audi".

Yeah I reached that point too, detachment, enlightenment. Its fine but it's boring, and I think that to truly understand what it means to ascend and detach yourself from the material world, you need to fully immerse yourself in it, hence accept the depression as something that will not go away and let the thrill of triumph and self abasement intoxicate you until you lose yourself yet again.

>turn depression into fuel?
How do I achieve this?

It's as if an alternate timeline of me started this thread. I did the same thing my friend, don't worry. You are not going crazy

~3 months of fasting, began lifting and working out practically every hour, went into programming as well, and began my book documentation log. I began to experience the same shit too in a different direction though. I just stopped giving a shit about people. I actively went out of my way to be manipulative and narcissistic to a few people. My anger fluctuated and I just began becoming manic as well.

I believe it has to do with how quickly things transitioned for us and how differently we feel, plus that sense of freedom. Kind of like when a child with helicopter parents goes to a long-distance university and they drink themselves to death; we've become free from that restrictive turmoil and are now experiencing something we never had the chance to experience: freedom.

I've pretty much gained all the weight back (got a gf who liked to do nothing but eat, then broke up with me) and I feel like my old self, but I want to lose all this weight just to be my maniacal self.

I now am trying to fast and workout again but now I have even less motivation or care. Honestly I just want to be fit again to be an attractive asshole and get away with it. It's crazy how much shit people let you get away with if you're fit. Told a girl she bored me to her face and she still wanted to be around me.

Lose all hope until you start reaching a limbo phase where you feel nothing, recover from it and start feeling fine with the idea of slowly dying, aging, being all alone, stop struggling, feel yourself float, feel the time pass, I think you get the idea, just stop caring about the physical world. Start realizing that you don't know enough to be this enlightened yet, you have the instinct but not the experience. Realize that you simply wasted a ton of time and that it might be over. Turn that broken heart of yours into a nuclear central, you also need to have people you profoundly dislike. In a sense, get heavier, as in, more in touch with the real world, start caring about what they say, do, about injustice. Care to the point where it hurts, it hurts a lot. Normally your past experiences should have stripped you of your fear of death, at least on a theoretical and philosophical level, which is enough. This is how you achieve it. You're now ready to die and suffer.

Why did you give up brother? Well, I assume the anger runs out at some point. That's something I'm scared of too. As your situation gets better, so does your motivation. It's like you're being shut down.

You can do it again again, restart and reach new heights. I've found things after years of research the average human being would never believe in. To me it's evident in my heart that anything is possible and that we must do our best on a physical level to truly understand the bliss that comes from detachment to the physical realm. The only alternative is a slow death.

I dont see how depression can be fuel. It is literally an absence of energy.
I learned over years to turn my depression into not giving a fuck and just being content with whatever thus erasing the miserable part of it. Depression is still there, but it does not bother me. Whatever I get or lose, nothing touches my heart.

post improvement materials, I want to be whole again
use drive, mega or whatever but please share brother
last week I smashed my phone's screen out of sheer mania, and now I have no phone but I still feel like it's not enough to escape this trap

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