I have a job interview tomorrow

I have a job interview tomorrow.
I havent had one in a while

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good luck user. what's the job?

Proud of you! What's the job?

That's good news. Good luck and do your best, fren=)

Open up with your most tasteful rape joke

Finance analyst or something like that. Im gonna fail desu, i don't know anything about finance, I didnt learn anything in university

fake it til you make it
hopefully they'll have someone train you

Just talk about how the Fed shouldn't raise rates too fast.

I don't even care about finance desu, I shouldn't have studied that.
My problem is that this offers usually say
>0-2 years of experiencie
So someone with experiences probably applied too, why would they hire me instead of him?

Good shit OP, I'd give you advice on how to do a proper interview but I will stutter and look like an idiot. Maybe try practicing interview questions with a friend, brother, or relative if you have any.
oh

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I don't have friends or relatives

because you're more valuable for the job. the reason why is the other guy has notions and it takes time to train someone to unlearn those notions they learned at another job.
it's basically easier and faster to train you than it is to untrain and then retrain someone else. so you have an advantage. emphasize your eagerness to learn how *they* do things.

Don't worry about that, it just means they're looking for someone new. A year of experience doesn't mean much. If this is your first one in a while just think of it as practice anyway.

When the time comes for you to ask a question, ask the interviewer in a completely serious manner:

"Where does this company see itself in five years?"

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i have a ten year unemployment gap, if i dont secure a job asap, am i about to be fucked during this recession?

Do you know why rapists are so difficult to identify? Because most women kiss with their eyes closed.

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Is this really a good question? Sounds like a meme question
I don't get it

It is so common for an interviewer to ask a potential job candidate "where do you see yourself in five years?" I think it would be funny to turn it around on them.

There is no kissing going on during a rape. Also, many females will claim they are raped when the reality is they simply regret the adult choices they made.

It's a horrible 5 year old "no u" flip of a question. Instead ask: "What are some aspirations your company has," assuming it's small enough to have them. If it's a corporation ask about the mangers specific goals.

Tell the interviewer that you are concerned about the Feds quantitative easing policy.
((printing money))
You are going to do great user. Good luck!

I really don't give a fuck about any of those money related things, why did i study this?

Just stroll into the interview like you already have the job and make some nice conversation. You have to show them that they'd want to work with you. The reason they're interviewing someone with no experience is because experience isn't important for the role. So whether you get the job is gonna turn on your likeability.

I don't know how to hold a conversation. I don't have friends, I literally never spoke with anyone in my 5 years of university. The only human contact ive had since i finished school is my mom and the rest of my closet family.
This is why i fail so many interviews, I can't behave like a normal human being. I can notice it in the interviewers face that they know they won't hire me the second I open my mouth