I had a drug induced breakthrough where I fully understood why I am the way I am, all the events that raised red flags and grew into crippling anxiety and depression.
I don't know what to do with this information, it's not weighing me down right now, but I've been this way for so long that adjusting to going outside again feels like going into the darkness without a flashlight.
I just want to know one thing, have you ever understood yourself so well that you almost feel like you're removed from yourself, like a new person within the same body?
I had a drug induced breakthrough where I fully understood why I am the way I am...
Lincoln Sanchez
Zachary Davis
>I just want to know one thing, have you ever understood yourself so well that you almost feel like you're removed from yourself, like a new person within the same body?
Yeah, got into psychedelics and realized a lot of shit about myself and my childhood; realized why I was the way I was. Starting learning about tons of different drugs from recreational to nootropics and supplements and started using them to heal myself. Now I'm a completely different person than I was and good riddance.
Brandon Martinez
>Now I'm a completely different person than I was and good riddance.
How long did it take and what kind of regiment did you use to heal yourself?
I'd like to be in your position someday, congratulations by the way.
Joshua Carter
yes shrooms did that for me but it wasn't productive in any way. was just introspection that resulted in me being more anxious and depressed than i already was. the only thing that makes me feel better about myself is going outside, walking, getting sunlight. problem lies in motivating myself to go outside
Evan Sullivan
If you've changed so much, why are you still posting to the board?
Jaxson Cook
>the only thing that makes me feel better about myself is going outside, walking, getting sunlight. problem lies in motivating myself to go outside
I feel you, sometimes the only things that can make me go out there are extreme circumstances but I always feel better after doing so, exercising every other day has helped me a lot recently, been feeling better generally, have you considered doing some basic physical activities?
Jace Murphy
maybe log all of it down in a journal, otherwise not too sure. That way you can see your patterns and try to self improve with the info
Julian Gray
it hurts to face the truth
my mind does everything it can to protect myself from facing it
even while my ego was dissolving on lsd, that selfish part of me fought to stay in control
i had glimpses of genuine and authentic truth. i was taught a story of childhood neglect, abuse, and trauma. afterwards, i was scared to come back to myself because that selfish part that had gripped on to dear life to my ideal of myself, revealed itself to me. i didn't know how to sit with myself after i came down. i still don't.
and now i can't sit still alone in my head. my attention must be directed elsewhere because i am afraid to look inside myself again, to reveal my own wickedness to myself, like the little "sins" we hide from our parents when we were children...
Jaxon James
>have you considered doing some basic physical activities?
yeah. my motivation comes and goes in waves. i picked smoking back up during the pandemic though, so the lazy waves are getting longer now. after a day of work i can't imagine doing anything other than relaxing and smoking cigs. i'm more or less resigned to this lifestyle. it's comfy. not overly depressed or anything but not really happy either. just complacent. one things for sure i won't ever touch psychs again. it's a miracle i didn't rope when i was really into that shit
Hudson Martinez
Embrace them, they are a part of you but they don't control you.
Nolan Nguyen
Yeah that is one of the few things that makes me feel a little better too but going outside always alone gets boring pretty quickly. I still have to go out because if not I could have some attack from being inside for many days but going everywhere alone is shit. For me life doesn't make any sense without friends.
Caleb Jones
>i'm more or less resigned to this lifestyle. it's comfy. not overly depressed or anything but not really happy either.
That actually sounds really nice.
Matthew Walker
Life was miserable and I only felt worse every day, to the point where I was having trouble functioning at work. Eventually decided that if life is so bad, maybe I can just have some fun enjoying drugs until I inevitably die, either intentionally or unintentionally. Didn't matter. Nothing mattered. While looking into what drugs I could get my hands on easily, I discovered mushrooms and psyches in general. Always interested in them, but not so much as to do that much research. Realized how easy they actually are to get and apparently how much they helped people. Also a spiritual person by nature and I was enthralled with people's details of what they experienced and saw. Decided that if I was going to go out, I deserved at least enough to give myself a last ditch effort. So without details, I put in all the effort I could muster to get a large amount of mushrooms and just went all in--figured this was my hail mary pass. Felt pretty good but nothing crazy the first trip. Decided to do it again the next weekend. Stronger but still nothing crazy. Then a third weekend, and it's like I fell through reality and everything was torn away, leaving me to learn about the universe and myself and our reality as it truly is first-hand. Afterwards I felt like I had never felt before. Still depressed, but I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. I realized there were things I could actually fix about myself. So I worked on those things--the mushrooms gave me a desire and drive to work on them. When I thought I had reaped the benefits, I repeated the process, focusing on things I wanted to overcome. Slowly but surely, I fixed myself, including a lot of things I thought I didn't care about, like eating healthy. I had a really bad trip one-time, but that trip made me realize I needed to be stronger in both body and mind if I wanted to go deeper.
More info if you want.
Mostly for /drugfeel/
Those bros helped save my life. I try to help out where I can as well.
Chase Morris
This is really firing me up, would love for more info if you've got it.
Lincoln Roberts
>For me life doesn't make any sense without friends.
i hear that.
it's not bad man. i smoke on the porch with my boomer neighbor sometimes. he never talks about politics or other bullshit. i don't remember any of our conversations and i wouldn't have it any other way
Samuel Lee
damn, sounds amazing, I've always fantasized about having a breakthrough like this.
I have no friends and tried cultivating my own in minecraft but they didn't inoculate, I wish we had better legislation for psychedelics.
Brandon Diaz
So I have a ton of stories I could tell, of both trips themselves and my drug use and how individual things affected me, but everyone is different and I feel that while potentially entertaining and motivating, the more important lessons are the random things I've learned along the way, that I either needed to learn myself, or was told, but didn't listen to at first because I didn't like the implication of that knowledge. But I'm going to share those tidbits here so that even if you don't believe them at first, you'll remember and think about it, the same way I did when starting out.
>psychedelics don't heal you; you heal yourself
It feels so much like you just take them and you're mentally healthier for it, especially early on, but that's not really what's happening. What's happening is that psychedelics put your mind into a state in which it's easily capable of massively rewiring itself, same as if you were a small child again. It's the intention going into the trip and the integration coming out of it that's important. Be mindful of why you're taking them and what your goal is, trip and have your revelations, and then integrate afterwards by taking the time to sit down and think on what you learned and how you will apply those lessons to your life. Nobody can walk the path but yourself; the psyches just light the way.
>don't be afraid of bad trips. they're an important part of the process
As hard as it is to face, bad trips are usually nothing more than the psychedelics showing you something about your life or self that you simply don't want to face, but must to progress forward. We all have mountains we must climb and some are harder trails to the summit than others.
(continued)
Joseph Rogers
>the really, truly terrifying trips are usually because you're heading into a bad trip and you try and fight against it.
You can fight the trip all you want, but you will never win that battle. It will take you where it wants and you better be prepared to go along for the ride, because fighting just makes it worse, and the truly terrifying shit comes when you simply refuse to face what you must. Often though, the things you desperately fight against, so quickly become benign once you just throw yourself into the stream and let it carry you where it may.
>you see with fresh eyes
Part of what makes the trips so effective is that you're seeing your problems with fresh eyes. When you trip hard enough, you no longer look at them from your own perspective, but from that of someone else looking in. It allows you to confront them in entirely different ways, which means finding solutions that simply never occurred to you before, or in many cases, seeing your issues for what they truly are. It's hard to fix a problem when you don't actually know what the real problem is or you conflate it with another.
>psychedelics allow you to transcend reality, or maybe they just trick your mind into believing mumbo jumbo. the answer doesn't matter
Some people believe that psychedelics make you just believe total fucking nonsense because you're high off your gourd. Other people truly believe in the magic of them--either literal magic, a gift from God himself, or currently unexplainable scientific phenomena that allows you to transcend the boundaries of space-time that constrain our physical bodies. Honestly, I personally believe some wild stuff about what's actually happening and simply don't buy the "your just temporarily insane" explanation. But the thing is, no matter what you believe, none of that actually matters whatsoever. All that matters is what you experience. Experiences are all we actually have in life.
(continued)
Gavin Nguyen
>don't take other's experiences at face value. experiment for yourself
I cannot stress this enough. Every person is different, and drugs affect everyone differently. You simply have to experience for yourself and experiment to find what works for you. For example, as part of my integration, I smoke a shitload of weed during the afterglow period, or the next-day. For a lot of people, that would completely wipe the healing from the trip, but for me, weed is a purely spiritual experience in high doses, and it allows me to sit and think on what I experienced and learned, with a focused intensity that I simply couldn't manage sober. I take away so much more by making it a part of my integration process, but you can't simply mimic and expect the same result.
>keep the experiences meaningful
Psychedelics are usually pretty good at self-regulating, in that you won't want to take them all the time, but still, you must be mindful. This goes for all drugs. Keep the experiences meaningful--abusing the gifts drugs give us just cheapens the experience. There's nothing wrong with purely recreational use from time to time, but don't let anything become a habit. For example, I use pot only on weekends, and when I use it, I dose once and I dose high. I'm not looking for a general mind-numbing experience, I'm looking to commune with spirits. Same goes for Salvia and many other drugs I imbibe. These are experiences I treasure.
>drugs are everywhere and there's nothing wrong with that
We get sold this lie in modern society that drugs are either illegal or prescribed and everything else is some separate category. Drugs are fucking everywhere, for good and bad. From raw cacao to catnip and chamomile, there's drugs that do everything right at your fingertips. You just need to do the research and look.
(Would you like to know more?)
Jordan Lee
>I have no friends and tried cultivating my own in minecraft but they didn't inoculate, I wish we had better legislation for psychedelics.
Practice makes perfect. Few get it the first time around, or often even the second or third. But you will get it eventually.
Ryan Peterson
I'm so jealous of the people who are able to use psychedelics to discover new things about themselves.
I had a bad trip on edibles a few years ago and gave myself lasting derealization. I wish I could go back.
Gabriel Morales
This is why psychs are retarded. Just take a downer and melt into bed.