I just realized something deep dark and wrong with me - I'm not willing to work hard to achieve my dreams.
Somehow before today all my life it was always daydreaming and someone else fault. Genes pool, bullying, upbringing, lack of control due to lack of education, lack of education due to lack of money yada yada. It was all dead end circles but I could still blame someone else but myself. Maybe tomorrow, maybe different subject, maybe different programming language...etc. to put a number - 35 years like that.
I was trying to watch some lectures today so I can have that ***imaginary(unspecified) well paid office job*** that i always subconsciously dreamed of. And it's just too hard. For me. And i don't have it in me the will to fight trough it. And I can't blame anyone for it.
I finally did it lads. I sunt to rock bottom. And it was always me. I finally get it now it's fuck me.
It's not my fault. I worked hard, got a good career. I'm also working hard on bringing my dreams to life. But tfw no gf? Yeah, that's not on me, women just hate quiet nerdy men.
Eli Taylor
meditate nigga always has been fuck hookerzzzzz
Dylan Thomas
>psyops to get wizards back into wageslavery
Fuck you kike.
Robert Martinez
so... is picrel good?
Joshua Cooper
>always has been I swear they're trying harder and harder to pretend it's not. I've watched people sleep their way to their next promotion. I've seen nepotism at work.
Lucas Thomas
Classic Russian literature is usually good.
Eli Phillips
I worked hard to a point. What did me in was seeing that everyone else who was successful didn't try at all.
I would look to people I didn't know or interact with as inspiration, but it felt so distant. Meanwhile, everyone I knew irl who had success had it handed to them, and people who worked hard went nowhere.
There was also the realisation that I was extremely mediocre as a person. Most of the people I looked up to had some sort of latent talent they uncovered. I was probably built to be a textbook normie, but rather than realising that early and being content with it, I thought I was special.
Easton Robinson
>Somehow before today all my life it was always daydreaming Similar boat but I kept to blame balanced, 50% me 25% parents 25% society. More than daydreaming for me it was a sort of forcefully impossed, anxiety, future obsession. The present is too shit to bear, and so is the past. So I focused on the future without taking a real look at past and present. Needless to say, it was the most retarded and wasteful thing I could have done. Complete limbo. All that shit I tried to study, all that shit I tried to hoard. Completely worthless. All of it. I'm not trying to "restart" my life, I'm trying to start it.
It's so, so so so so painful. I have no words. But I'll keep trying for a bit longer.
>35 years Man you're kinda fucked aren't you. I realized that a bit earlier than you. It's probably over for both of us though.
