Tfw you're 30 and about to start your third multi-year "self-improvement" cycle after the previous two haven't given...

>tfw you're 30 and about to start your third multi-year "self-improvement" cycle after the previous two haven't given any tangible results

i-it's going to happen this time right guys?

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You're going to make it this time user

Here are the results of the previous ones:

18-22:
was an autist but reasonable looking in high school, even had like 2 5/10s interested in me despite the fact that i was a complete autist. wanted to become more extraverted and fit in college and get laid more often and more socially competent. fall into the PUA crap Tyler RSD or whatever that shit was called. get down to a pretty low bodyfat %, but zero size since i was using light weights. do some approaching in clubs and shit. mostly get ignored or rejected, fuck two fat girls out of desperation.

23-26:
get a job. start saving money. more interested in money. get bigger weights. kinda look like I lift but not impressive. lose my hair so i have to start shaving my head. improve my clothing. actually look pretty respectable. can kind of talk to women pretty well. literally zero results outside of a past her prime 40s milf interested in me. my Chad buddy that doesn't even lift and eats like shit and makes zero money fucks more chicks in 2 weeks of visiting than i do in the entire period.

26-30: my dad squanders all his wealth, leaving us only debt. also borrows like half of my money that i saved up to that point and i eventually realize he has no intention of paying it back, ever. property prices and rent skyrocket. no jobs. i lose motivation to lift and start eating more. get fatter, start drinking more and becoming a functional alcohol. get a DUI, someone punches me in the face, start spending more on prostitutes and alcohol. even my crypto shit crashes. literally only exist to go to work a soul-crushing low paying job and then to eat/drink/jack off/sleep, only existing in a repeating cycle of this behavior. Spiral into depression.

Last few months: quit drinking, quit going to prostitutes, watch less of and less degenerate porn, stop eating so much

*YOU ARE HERE*
Debating whether I should start a third self-improvement cycle?

As I am wondering whether I should embark on the third self-improvement cycle, I see both positives and negatives.

Positives:
I have retained some positive aspects from the previous ones (ie improved social ability, can still lift more than when I first started, know how to dress better, etc.) so I think it should go faster. I also know what I did wrong in the previous ones so that help with avoiding mistakes and wasting time.

The negatives:
I already failed two self-improvement cycles, even though I *was* doing some things right in both of them, I never saw any significant tangible results financially or with women. I am concerned hyping myself up with optimism and that feeling of "going somehwere" might end up in yet another disappointment and I'm already 30 now so...this would probably be the final disappointment before I just give up. I don't mean to be fatalistic, but I am becoming blackpilled with the idea that some people are genetically meant to succeed and others to fail and that society simply accomodates these outcomes regardless of what you do personally. Sure it's not that black and white, but I've seen too much evidence of this not to at least consider it as possible. If that's the case, my new self-improvement cycle will be just another waste of time, time I could instead use for example to record a crappy acoustic guitar album I'd actually enjoy listening to while acknowledging that nobody will care for it. So it's another large effort that might go nowehere, or a low-effort drop out of society and enjoy life perspective on the other hand which I know I'd be at least content with.

As for what caused my "fatalistic outlook". I have a pretty social job and know plenty of people from total nerds to absolute Chads, from poor junkies to CEOs. What caused my fatalism is seeing reasonably competitive normal looking guys grouped by society into the "invisible loser" bracket while only the select few are given opportunities and golden parachutes everywhere. It's a bit difficult to explain, but you'll never understand it if you don't know actual Chads IRL as friends. As much as it is for an average or below guy impossible to succeed, it is equivalently hard for a Chad to fail in his life, you literally get opportunity after opportunity no matter how retarded you are or how many of them you squander.

I assumed you're joking about being autistic, although I do see some traits in your post. One of the traits autistic people have is "black and white" thinking, which you seem to be aware of.

You describe men like their are 2 categories. Chads and invisible normal losers. In other words, "the haves and the have nots".
I get the impression that you categorize yourself as the invisible loser (have nots) and you want to start to journey to become a somewhat of a chad.
It looks like you still use the "RSD Tyler stuff" to frame the world in.

My advice would be to see your position more in a grey area instead of black trying to go to white if you catch my drift. Try to see your life position as a ongoing journey. Meeting the right woman or getting the right job once can change your perspective entirely.

I guess what I'm saying is, alot can change in no time. Maybe it doesn't seem that way at the moment, but everything changes constantly and its always a good idea to try your best. Just keep doing what you think is the best for you and drop the black and white thinking.

It worked for me, your genetics have to be absolute trash tier to not be worth doing it

This is coming from an almost 28 year old male who had his fair share of depression and a history of multiple existential crisis.

I know exactly the feeling of thinking that some people just got dealt a better hand at life and I wasn't one of them. I'm just glad I kept working out, got back to college on an old age and doing hobbies I loved doing and becoming better at those, even when I had days that I wondered why I was doing al those things and asking myself for who and why am I working so hard for?

Things just change man, just keep trying to make the best out of it and as long you don't fall in War or get physically sick I believe everything will work out

It's not that I think men fall into black or white camps. Haves and have-nots. It's that outcomes tend to fall into those two camps. It doesn't matter what part of grey area you are in when the outcome is the same negative outcome. As mentioned, I am aware that I do have some positives retained from my previous self-improvement cycles, it's just that what I have is not nearly enough to cause any consistent positive outcome. Not even close. And based on my interactions across the spectrum of different men, the variety of men and their situations is very large, but the outcomes tend to be only two. Again this is very hard to perceive or for a man to accept unless he has several connections across the hierarchical spectrum, knowing men from all walks of life, from the so called "losers", to average guys to Chads. It's a generalization of course, but the outcomes tend to change drastically when you move from the grey area to the Chad area. I don't think RSD Tyler stuff is all that helpful beyond getting someone out of his inertia, especially now with the explosion of dating apps and social media, where you can't really fake being something you're not, because women can just pre-screen guys that fit what they want online and don't have to talk to him at bars and clubs. So the only real way to see positive outcomes is to have the combination of looks/money/status that makes you appealing enough to your average woman, of course that bar is quite high but when you reach it you can almost do anything and you will have unlimited amount of options. That's black and white, just the outcomes. I think by and large wallowing in grey areas and deluding yourself into thinking, "hey if this girl doesn't like, maybe this other girl will" is largely delusional. Because the outcomes won't improve or will improve only marginally with the increased attempts, the only thing that will improve will be your ability to talk, but that still won't be enough to change the outcome.

What are you gonna get from doing fuck all? Apart from a guarantee that your life will stay shit

I could do cool things like play guitar, record albums, be chilled out, not have to wake up early, not have to lift heavy objects, not have to worry about the clothes I wear, not have to stress over my finances...like it's a pretty fun low-event, low-stress life if you compare it to trying very hard and failing consistently.

I do understand the black and white outcome. It's sometimes hard to deal with seeing the tall handsome guy effortlessly pulling girls with ease, often times them being lowlifes for lack of a better term.

I think where I'm going with the grey area is that "chads" are relative. You might not consider yourself a chad, but some guy might put you in the "Chad" categorie. Other way around, the "chad" you know might be a loser in the eyes another more handsome/famous/rich guy. That "chad" may also feel insecure in a the presence of a more chaddy guy and he probably also has a whole league of women that is "out of is his reach".
It's a rat race. Sure there most be a rock bottom somewhere and a god tier chad, but I'm pretty sure most men fall in between those two and also you.

Why does this all matter? Thinking of black and white outcomes means you're either winning in life or losing, and you are assumably from your post perceiving that you are on the losing side at the moment.

I think you might be better off not depending on outcome and just focus on doing the thing you think is best for you with the balance of enjoying yourself. Going overboard on a self-improvement journey is just going to wear you out. Sure you'll be motivated at first and go for it, but when you are focussed on the outcome and you don't see the changes you want to see you're just going to disappoint yourself and just burn out.

I'd say keep fucking prostitutes if that keeps your edge off and try to enjoy going to the gym instead of forcing yourself. Also try to find a balance where you get to enjoy making an album for yourself and working on your health/physique/status whatever. I'd recommend to just self-improve in small things in your life and just go from there.

I always struggled and got poor results. For years this continued until I decided to go to a private lab and have my testosterone checked. It was nursing home old man low. I ordered a few vials of test from an underground lab and needles, syringes, and alcohol swabs from a medical supply company. Within a couple weeks all anxiety was gone, confidence through the roof, I broke past plateaus in the gym, I started gaining weight at a ridiculous rate, I slept better, mind was always calm, focus improved, it even seemed to help with talking to people. It's a fucking panacea. If you want kids then freeze some sperm. There is absolutely no reason not to be on testosterone.
All the women are regulating their hormone levels and even skipping periods with birth control. Why shouldn't you do the equivalent? 250mg testosterone enanthate per week is all it takes to turn your life around. Weekly cost comes out less than a cup of coffee including the needles, syringes, and alcohol.

>hey if this girl doesn't like, maybe this other girl will

It might sound delusional to you but I actually stand by this, albeit it being cliche and even blue-pilled.

When you have a girl who you want and she likes you back, then that's all you need to be happy. Definitely don't lower your standard, and try do avoid comparing yourself to other in terms how easy they would've get the girl or whatever. There are toxic thoughts and I believe RSD and attraction stuff did poison our brains at young age. at least I caught myself sometimes still thinking in those frames and it doesn't do me good.

Are you just cruising with 250mg T for the rest of your life? or planning on PCT'ing. I'm actually interested in doing it but still need to read up alot on it

Keep chasing the dragon user, I'm sure you will catch him soon.

Just know that if you hide, it doesn't go away.

Chads aren't relative. It doesn't matter whether some guy from the street thinks I'm Chad. Whether you're Chad or not is largely measured precisely by the consistency of good/bad outcomes you get. And this is largely a black and white situation. Either you're desireable or you're not. The point is, the same thing happened in the sexual marketplace as it did in the economic sphere a long time ago. The rich get richer and the middle class disappears, making up just one giant blob of serfs. That's why you don't really see guys who "do sort of OK" with women anymore, it's either guy has tons of options and the other category is everyone fighting for scraps and largely getting nothing or very little. Everything else is cope. The only question is whether you have the necessary personal qualities to put yourself above that magical line where you go from fighting for scraps to having options. To achieve that you need to have some high-end quality, whether you're extremely good looking, famous or very rich, or something else, but those 3 are generally the most typical ones. Being employed, showering every morning, kind of fit, with a hobby or two is simply not enough anymore. It might have been enough in 1970 or even up to 2000 but now it's not enough, that just places you in the blob of boring average men that are not interesting to women. To be average, heck even above-average today means that you have either zero options or fighting for scraps. And from the perspective of a woman, it kind of makes sense, why would she engage with a sea of averageness when she can find a local Chad on social media in like 5 minutes? Even for the more traditional minded women, they will rather stay unavailable searching for the "good" Chad rather than spend their peak youth engaging with a decent average guy.

I'm rusty on the jargon but I think you're talking about Hypergamy.

I think we'll just have to agree to disagree on this, I'm not really into that theory. The whole theory is based on data from the dating-app OKCupid and I don't think that data translates to the real word. Maybe to an extent but not so much. That's just my opinion though.

I do sort of OK with woman. I'll give myself average looking, not more then that. I'm broke and still in college and my apartment is basically a man cave. I do lift but it's nothing to write home about. I still am happy with my sex life and currently have a relationship. The two relationships I had before where women who where definitely "out of my league" look wise. I know this because the outside world kept reminding me of this. My current GF is also out of my league and she even keeps reminding me of that. I honestly don't care and neither does she. I also don't have a huge dick or something and just consider myself average in most things in life.

The women I dated could find a more attractive/succesful/stronger/better physique guy in a heartbeat on tinder, but they chose to suck my dick and some of them even wanted to be in a relationship with me.
I'm really not trying to brag, I'm just trying to point out that there are other factors then looks/money/status to have good outcomes with women. Hypergamy is in my opinion a poor theory that really simplifies the dating scene, although their is some truth to it.

I don't think we'll agree on this one, I just hope you don't give up on yourself and become bitter. I had those periods a lot and I put them behind me. I hope I won't get those periods again but who knows I'm not perfect.

I have pct on hand but hopefully will never need it. Strictly in case sources were to all dry up, but even then I'd at least try to get an rx from an anti-aging clinic before giving up completely. I want to stay on for life. My low test days can hardly be called living. I did a lot of reading and probably took longer than I should have before taking the plunge. It's good to have a some idea of what it is before starting. Heart health seems to be the biggest risk, but heart disease is the number one killer in general so that's hardly a surprise. I'd imagine if cholesterol levels are good and you get a couple cardio sessions each week you'll have a better heart than the average man.
I was a little nervous my first time injecting but it was easy. I started with ventrogluteal and alternated just that site for a while. Eventually I tried the vastus lateralis and deltoid. I kind of like deltoid more just because I don't have to pull my pants down like with the other two, but they're all about the same really. Best of luck, I don't think you'll regret it. Fraud threads on Any Forums might be worth lurking in, most bodybuilding sites are very gatekeepery and think you should wait until you're 40 and already at your natty limit before even looking at the natural hormone your body produces.

i can't do this because ADHD, asperger's, fluctuating mental health, the weather, the temperature. i can't even get myself to lift weights most days, i just don't feel like doing it. i've mostly come to terms with my life never becoming much because of this.