When was the moment in your life you thought "What have I become?"
This happened about two years ago. I had just broken up with my girlfriend and felt like I had to have sex to get over her. I met this girl online and I thought from her pictures she was a little chubby but thicc. I was okay with it. When she showed up she was way fatter than I expected.
I couldn't even get hard when looking at her pussy or ass. I almost wanted to kick her out but I felt bad. She ended up giving me the best head/ball sucking I ever had. But I felt so disgusting for having a random hookup with somebody I'd usually have absolutely 0 interest in. I still regret it to this day.
Are there moments where you looked at yourself and realized you'd become the exact opposite of who you wanted to be? At least we can all commiserate and realize we're not alone when we do shit we'll regret. What matters is not making the same mistake twice.
The worst point of my life was when my schizophrenia started. It started with absolute mortal terror and absolute mania. I burned through thousands of dollars on gas driving non-stop for days at a time. I was running, but it seemed I could never run far or fast enough. Eventually I wound up in mental hospitals but when I got out, it was right back to driving. This lasted for about 6 months
Jose Barnes
I've had plenty of those moments, recently in fact. I never thought life would turn out this way for me. But then again, I'm realizing just how much of a clown world we truly live in. So I have to stay strong, if not for others, then for myself.
Christian Jenkins
Wow that's pretty glad I'm glad you're doing better now. How do you manage your schizophrenia?
It's hard because you go into it thinking "I'm making a mistake" as you're doing it you can rationalize it. But then when you're falling asleep all alone with your thoughts the guilt comes and you think "if only I had more will power."
Knowing you lack will power and knowing that you could be so much more if you just could control your urges is such a horrible feeling. People describe it like slavery and I couldn't agree more. You're literally enslaved to the part of yourself you hate.
Brayden Lewis
whoops not "pretty glad" I meant to say bad
The second glad was intentional though lol
Evan Watson
>Knowing you lack will power and knowing that you could be so much more if you just could control your urges is such a horrible feeling I definitely agree with that. I think the biggest issue for me though is that I have too much free time on my hands, so the boredom just causes me to do weird, impulsive shit. I think I'm getting better though, slowly but surely.
James Murphy
For anybody reading this just know that rock bottom is usually just a moment of clarity. Either you can mope on it which leads to things getting worse and you making the same mistakes or you can recognize you fucked up, cope with any guilt or depression, and try to move on.
The good thing about being so disgusted with myself was that I didn't fuck for a year after and even stopped jerking off for a long time. Rock bottom, for those in free fall, can be a blessing in disguise if you take the disgust you feel towards yourself and use it to never make the same mistake again.
Parker Anderson
> I think the biggest issue for me though is that I have too much free time on my hands, so the boredom just causes me to do weird, impulsive shit. Yeah I know that feeling. The only way to stop that is to throw yourself into something, preferably long term. But it's easier said than done when you feel comfort in your free time.
Juan Young
It was a week after my Mum had died, maybe 2 months after I had gotten married. Starting yelling and destroying our house in front of my wife, smashing furniture, something set me off and I was just a rage machine for a little while. Definitely the worse I've been as a human being.
Brandon Collins
Based schizoposter BTFOing the mundane and boring regrets of OP with a superior ailment
Jonathan Hernandez
>how do you manage your schizophrenia Originally when I was living with my mom I would do nothing. Just lay in bed and wait for the manic episodes to pass. My rationale was "it'll be over eventually" But now, since I got kicked out, I try to take walks. I get sidetracked real easily, so I talk to myself constantly to try and keep track of my thoughts and plan my future. I cant really do anything about the hallucinations and delusions, so I just try to get a full 10 hours (its worse the less sleep you get) and keep to myself. I can't trust anyone longer than a day, and my mom is practically out of my life, because my delusions get the better of me. I just gave up trying to form social connections. The only thing now that keeps the feelings of impending doom and fear away is Hope. Hope for a better life, hope for a home of my own, hope that I can go all the way to a PhD, and hope for a stable job. It's been really rough the past couple of weeks though
Jacob Robinson
I'm knocking on your fucking walls. Do you hear me?
Ayden Russell
Fuck off you Piru piece of shit. Eat a dick you absolutely evil piece of scum.
Matthew Davis
>Get born >Get molested >Get bullied >Get stalked >Get mold poisoning, get bedridden, go blind, forget english, incapable of walking I spent years recovering. I'm finally 'back together', but I'm pathetically weak, I had no friends, I have no idea how socialization works because I dropped out of highschool, my memory has turned to swiss cheese and I've been hallucinating. The only reason I haven't killed myself is because my mom spent so much time, energy, and money keeping me alive that I would feel guilty throwing that all away. She deserves a better son than that. My rock bottom is now until I die, user.
When I was getting interrogated by the FBI in my kitchen one morning over false accusations that I was a "potential mass shooter". Seriously, if your problems are just bawwwwwww muh gf bawwwwwwww be very grateful because shit can be a lot worse.
user fucking a fat bitch and regretting isn't the worst thing that could happen. KEK.
Brandon Barnes
Yeah his is worse. But still it's pretty bad from having a gf you love and think you'll be making a family with in a year or two to fucking a disgusting woman you could never imagine yourself fucking. When she left all I could think about was "how did I go from being in a relationship with somebody I love and found so beautiful to what I just did?" I wanted to die.
>The only thing now that keeps the feelings of impending doom and fear away is Hope. Hope for a better life, hope for a home of my own, hope that I can go all the way to a PhD, and hope for a stable job. That's the only way to keep going. Men without goals fall into bad habits. Even when they know they are fucking up their life they can't help it. Truly the only way to bounce back from a rock bottom mistake is to decide the next day you will focus all your attention on something produtive.
That sounds pretty bad. But you shouldn't just give up. Even if you think you can never have a perfect life there has to be ways you can improve it a bit.
Brody Ramirez
>What was your "rock bottom"? March of 2020. Living in an apartment that I hated with a manic brother who financially exploited me and beat me whenever he felt like it. Constantly taking drugs, zero friends, socially fearful, lying to my mother, no privacy, always busy with university, doing all the chores/cooking, etc. Just an awful fucking period in my life. I'm doing much better now. Still no friends or a gf though.
took female HRT after my gf left me to try to get her back. Now I'm just a depressed man with gyno and infertile
John Davis
I know it's not the worse thing that could happen and it's not the worst thing to happen to me or my biggest regret in life. It's more that was the moment in my life I felt more disgusted with myself than ever before. I truly was a slave to immediate urges and I felt so low and disgusting.
Ethan Powell
Hey that's not the end of the world. It's over now. And even if you have no friends or gf it sounds like you probably have things you're focusing on at the moment that keeps your future open.
