I don't know how to explain this, but I'm essentially done with life. I basically have no zeal to continue living since all of my efforts have always been widely futile. I don't think I was always a misanthrope but being a 3/10 deformed autist made me prepositioned to that eventual plight.
I'm basically a 22 year old hiki and I don't even have the zeal or energy to do anything these days. Just years of relentless bullying and loneliness divested me of whatever dreams and aspirations I had. It's obvious that I wasn't meant for this world. In this current collectivistic society, the nail that sticks out is hammered down back into isolation and so I accepted that. The only issue is isolation and loneliness really does lead to some sort of existential crisis.
Can any other robots relate? Feel free to share your stories too, bros
i sort of understand what you mean i feel like i don't have much left to do with my life, i get really depressed and want to die but i can't because i have to be here for my mom. my brother is not in a good place.. he does hard drugs, in and out of prison, and he's never thankful that she goes to visit him, tries to help him, gets him groceries when he has nothing. all he ever does is scream at her, curse her for not giving him more money, etc. and i see how much pain it causes her, she's already lost one child. so i can't have her lose me, too. i feel like i'm the only one she has, so i have to be here for her. and i guess in a sense it's my purpose. but so often my chaotic and dysfunctional family, although i know it's not an excuse, causes me so much depression. i've felt overlooked a lot in life. i was never able to make friends in school cause of this too, i was always just a freak. and i don't want anyone to feel bad for me or anything, rather i just wish someone could understand. i think that's what i long for, and what's bringing tears to my eyes. nobody understands. how lonely i feel. it's like everything is going on around me constantly and i'm just in the middle of it totally invisible. i just wish there was somebody else who could see me, and i could see them, and we could acknowledge each other. it would be such a huge relief. the only thing that keeps me going is my mom, and my faith. i'm very religious, and when i feel completely unstable i think of Christ suffering on the cross and then i don't feel as bad cause what he went through was way worse. so i just hope to meet Him one day and i hope at least he understands why i kept living. we will both make it through user, God willing.
I relate op. Im 26 and a neet. Ive been this way since I dropped out of highschool and even before I had spent years alone in my room. Im like a 4/10 with gross teeth and a huge nose and I cant smile or move any muscles on the right side of my face because of brain damage. It means my right eye sags and my eyebrow looks really serious and angry kek. Im pretty autistic too.
And yeah if someone told me I was gonna die in a week id be more relieved than anything. I know eventually I will have to be homeless or work some awful backbreaking and socially demanding job. I want to become enlightened. Im crazy, like properly insane, but I think something like that is real. Even if its just a state of mind and has no supernatural quality it still seems worth it. I have felt something like it and it was the greatest most pure feeling ever. Nothing compares to that. For now im just meditating and playing guitar. I have to quit drugs but im not ready for that yet.
Nolan Price
I'm 27 but my mindset has been set in stone since i flunked out of university at 23. I got beyond angry because I wasted so much time and effort on pointless busywork just so I could get closer to graduating but none of it felt appreciated. I'm a neet because I know no one will feel sorry for me if I take up a soulless, backbreaking job. I'm still holding out for a glimmer of hope I guess. An unexpected event that will turn my life around for the better.
Jack Russell
>life has been shit for past 10 years >attempt to make it better >make it 10 times worse
Well, back to doing nothing and sitting in my room feeling miserable all day
David Foster Wallace described suicidal people as those who feel like they are jumping from a flaming building to avoid the pain of burning to death. You are probably suicidal but haven't encountered your flame yet.
Justin Adams
I also technically dropped out of high school but have a British equivalent of GED which is my GCSEs. I actually got very good grades too but I started to withdraw from society at around 16. Any other attempt made to change came crashing down pretty swiftly
Lincoln Ross
I've always been jealous of people who can find solace in religion, honestly. I also have somewhat of a supportive family and it pains me to know that I probably come across as some sort angsty spoiled brat who willfully prefers to isolate himself to them. I just don't know how to fix my situation
Connor Jackson
>t. Literal faggot
Orgna
Liam Ortiz
>You are probably suicidal but haven't encountered your flame yet. Perhaps. I do agree with this
Isaac Reed
Wish I could go to Ukraine and get shot in the face from nowhere and die without realizing it, but I struggle with even getting to the grocery store and back.
Ryan Cruz
I bet half the people that want to go fight in Ukraine aren't heroic empaths and are simply disillusioned with life itself
Ryder Lee
We don't want to die, we just want another life. A life that was promised to us. Messing around with girls during highschool, nervously going to the ball etc. Later get a good paying job and wife her up.
Reality isn't that way. No one gives a fuck about us. Everyone is replaceable. A better, bigger cock is just one swipe away. Never settle because FOMO kicks in.
Escapist media is on an all time high for a a reason. This world has nothing to offer for us except escapism.
Gabriel Jenkins
>We don't want to die, we just want another life. A life that was promised to us. I agree with you here, honestly
Benjamin Rivera
I did pretty well on my GCSEs too but did terrible at A-levels so I worried for a while that I wouldn't do well. Didn't realise most places basically want a C or upwards in GCSE level and barely give a fuck about anything else (as long as you're computer literate and have basic skills at a C grade it's fine).
I've been working from home for just over 2 years now and I've pretty much succumbed to a recluse lifestyle. I don't socialise, don't go out, don't visit the office or anything. I get about two calls from my boss every week but other than that I'm left on my own. I'm glad I'm getting paid to stay home and do minimal work but shutting away from society has gave me no aspirations or desire to do anything. I'm fully accepting that this could be my life.
Isaac Barnes
What do you do for a living if you don't me asking, user?
Lincoln Gutierrez
Froze last time I tried to kill myself. I'm about to try it again 6 years later.
Logan Parker
Ugh feels. I bet the same would happen to me if I attempted suicide
Charles Carter
Sometimes, putting an effort into it only makes things worse.
Isolation is just an illusion. Makes you feel good at first but then it all gets worse after a year or so
Gabriel Ward
Mostly the same; Just waiting for it to be over. Won't goo too much into detail >moved to another country as an 11 year old. >didn't fit in >couldn't integrate because normies here are god awful soulless npc or full blown narcissists who have no interests >there is NO inbetween >it's either one extreme or the other >couldn't get along with anyone long-term >on govt gibs since 15 >didn't get hired anywhere back then because "foreign name" >basically got cucked out of a future >if you're poor or not working you're literally worse than hitler because muh taxes >if you're on gibs and a foreigner and don't have a phd in every field imaginable, no one will give you a job except places that do not pay, treat their people like shit, do borderline illegal shit or at fast food places >only managed to get those jobs because they will take anyone >now 30 >still on gibs >still live with mom >haven't left the house in 5 years >get rent paid and earn more than wageslaves >bought myself a mid-end pc from the free money >didn't care about the flue >never wore a mask >never getting the jab >don't care about the war either I'm waiting to die, but i stay alive out of spite. If i kill myself, the normies win, and i've got a feeling i will outlive everyone.
I was going to shoot myself a few years ago and decided not to, I didn't want my mom to be the one to find my body is all. I guess I'd be dead but I didn't want to do that to her. I'm already dead though, just waiting. I feel it OP.
