Hello. I'm a 24M with Asperger's Syndrome. Virgin, never had been involved in anything romantic until recently with this woman (25F) who lives just under 2 hours away from me.
Physically you'd think there's nothing wrong with me. I'm 6'2, mixed white/brown (but look white with what one would call "cherry-picked" features), average body type. I got rated a 7.5/10 on average on r/truerateme. I had a 24% match rate on Tinder when I used to have the app, but I wasn't happy with the options I was presented. I wanted someone receptive, sweet, caring and had similar interests/life values/future goals. So in steps this woman.
She's 25, hapa with dyed black hair, pretty, 5'5, quite thin and looks young for her age. Wears big glasses. Met her on Discord while playing Apex Legends, and quickly became good friends. Personality-wise she fits the description above. We had been friends for 5 months and since last month she expressed a desire to date me. So she set up a date with me on Sunday for the end of the month. I have met her IRL before as a platonic friend in a bar, but she seemed she wanted something more based on her body language. Twirling her hair, intense eye contact, flirting, complimenting me, etc.
Her last relationship was with a black guy for 3 months when she was at uni. I have a clean slate.
As you can tell I'm very inexperienced with dating. I strongly crave intimacy in dating with a strong preference for LTRs. Therefore I have an anxious/preoccupied attachment style. I stayed away from dating and sex from uni because to me, these relationships won't last as soon as we go back to our hometowns. I usually am not a fan of long distance but this girl had the entire package.
We had our first facetime call on Sunday but I think I messed up. I wanted to know if she was okay because she had some exams (job-related) coming up very shortly lasting for the entire month. So I decided to check in to see if I could help her out as she claimed she hated studying especially considering the fact she left university. She'd always be there for me to give me soothing, comforting words and I'd reciprocate.
But my anxious attachment style and stupidity got the better of me and I ended up leaving 25 missed calls within 2 hours last night. Oops.
Liam Gonzalez
She hasn't blocked me on any social media, discord, on WhatsApp or on mobile.
She sent me a text this morning telling me that she couldn't take it in, didn't know what to say and that it was too much for her.
As a result I can't even focus on work right now, and I've been visibly upset. It's lunch and I am unable to eat because of this. I've made a good friend with her and I don't want to lose her. If I lose her I think it would be over for me and would have to settle, because she was the entire package. Well educated, pretty and had all the personality traits/goals I wanted.
I can't even focus with people talking loudly in my ears. I just want to shut off.
Colton Scott
Immediately after she texted me this morning, I hit her with an apology explaining that I was in the wrong, and would like to talk to her some time to mend the bridge and resolve problems and that it won't ever happen again. Man I'm so scared I've messed up because we were gold friends.
Usually she takes 24-48 hours to reply to my texts but they tend to be pretty long. I like it that way.
What do I do? I know there are other fish in the sea but I don't want to settle. She was everything I wanted. I won't eat, I had to wear ear plugs today and can't even concentrate. I'm just craving companionship with a woman that fits the bill. I'm getting old for goodness' sake! It would be a dream to get married by 30. And now I think I won't get anyone like that anymore.
I think you have the ability to make it work, but you need to be up-front and honest with her about everything you just posted here. If it's truly going to work, she'll love and accept you and try to understand despite all that.
Carter Lee
Maybe not. I can't even eat. I can't even concentrate.
Asher King
also jesus fucking christ you type fast op
Jordan Cox
Honestly I would rather be friendzoned by her than for her to completely remove me from her life. I loved talking to her....
Also with hypergamy everywhere how the hell could I find another pretty, smart girl like her?
I know I type fast. I have to get all my emotions out quickly.
Gabriel Richardson
Hey it's Andreas Lubitz!!!!! Fly high legend till you reach heaven!!!!!
Jackson Cook
I wish I was in the right headspace rn...
Jeremiah Butler
I've got an update. She's seen my insta story (I posted 2 things) but she skipped through it. In other words, she just saw the first post.
Ian Nguyen
Bumping for more advice. I can't even focus properly at work...
Noah Thompson
I think your best bet is to fully express your feelings just like you did here, while acknowledging that it may be a lot for her to take in and you don't expect her to match your intensity right now, and saying that you'll try to reign your anxious behaviors in.
Also, you aren't really all that old, especially as a man.
Chase Garcia
>'m 6'2 Not even reading. Go back to plebbit or instagram bro
Jack Anderson
I'm not a Chad but ok.
Charles Johnson
>I'm getting old for goodness' sake! Oh no!
Justin Richardson
>But my anxious attachment style and stupidity got the better of me and I ended up leaving 25 missed calls within 2 hours last night. Oops. This is the kind of shit that's most likely to put someone off. You can't help it, but at least you seem to be aware that it is something you shouldn't do. Try to control it. Make up some autistic rule if you have to, like if after 3 messages and 1 call there's no response, if you're gonna call again then at least wait a day. You can try to loosen this rule when you feel like you're actually getting somewhere with this woman.
Jayden Wood
I don't even think she wants anything to do with me anymore.
Camden Watson
Does she seem avoidant in some way?
Gavin Wilson
>25 times in 2 hours
It's over bro, that's like a junkie trying to hit up a dealer when he's fiending.
Probably has categorized you with every other guy who has ever done something like that to her now.
Caleb Collins
I'm not talking about your oneitis, I'm talking about you. You have a character flaw. You should try to control it, or this kind of thing will keep happening to you.
Alexander Ward
dont worry mr thundercock, you will find someone to replace her in hours if you really put your mind to it. your genes have ordained it so.
