*****OG Thread****
A general thread on depression, suicidal ideation, and mental health problems in general.
>How are you today?
I'll start.
Today's been mixed, the usual depression and despair, but with a hint of relief.
I just got done with college midterms, so now I have a week with no exams/lectures.
Tried to quit cutting, failed after a week.
The only reason I'm still alive is because I live with my family, they keep me sane.
Since when did guys started to cut themselves ? Just asking , not trying to be annoying. Anyways , today I did nothing all day (as per usual). I am trying to quit smoking and have only had 2 in the past 3 days. I wish I could stop maladaptive day dreaming and stop being such an escapist faggot but old habits are hard to get rid of. I am 23yo neet but graduated out of college back in 2020.
I been horrible the past weeks, my therapist abandoned me 5 months ago and i can't find another. Family fights and feeling like a useless failure shit all the time, the other day i tried to hang myself but i such a coward for do it
I just wish someone with a gun shots me in the head and i can finally rest in peace
>Since when did guys started to cut themselves
Since the dawn of time, it's in the bible. I started after I tried to kill myself less than a year ago.
>I am trying to quit smoking and have only had 2 in the past 3 days.
Good work, user. Progress is progress, no matter how small.
> I wish I could stop maladaptive day dreaming and stop being such an escapist faggot
same
>graduated out of college back in 2020.
What was your major?
>my therapist abandoned me 5 months ago
I stopped going to therapy because the meds didn't help and I thought I'd be fine without the therapist.
I was terribly wrong because even though the meds didn't work, going to therapy gave me hope that there might be a cure for my depression.
I tried to go back, but the clinic closed down because they were changing offices, and I don't feel like going to a new psychiatrist and explaining everything all over again.
>I just wish someone with a gun shoots me in the head
same
>i can finally rest in peace
there is no peace after death
>What was your major?
journalism and mass communication
it is a shit degree.
>journalism and mass communication
oh
I wanted to study a humanities degree too, but then I saw the job prospects for those majors.
So, I majored in comp engineering, I fuckin hate it.
terrible, woke up at 6am, drinking by 8am
sick of everything desu, nigger
>I majored in comp engineering
good for you user. the tech field will be in demand for decades to come. suckcessmax and get rich. or atleast train your brain to only care about getting higher on the corporate ladder. maybe the burden of work will help you out of depression.
>good for you user
Thanks, user. I question my major 24/7. It's so fuckin difficult and unsatisfying.
>maybe the burden of work will help you out of depression.
Probably not, the burden of being the eldest of four and college sure hasn't
> It's so fuckin difficult and unsatisfying.
most things in life are unsatisfactory. ingrain this in your brain and keep moving forward. take it form me, you will hate to bear the shame that comes with being a good for nothing neet.
>the burden of being the eldest of four and college sure hasn't
i am 6 yrs elder to my younger sibling and he is a zillion times better than me at everything. he even rubs it in my face from time to time. cant say shit cause he is right. just dont fall into nonworking mode. that is how you spiral down to a leech.
>ingrain this in your brain and keep moving forward.
I'm fuckin trying
>he is a zillion times better than me at everything.
Younger siblings are just us, but better.
An enhanced version of us.
>there is no peace after death
So what do you think we have after death? Nothing?
I prefer to think "That in the end, there's light in the darkness" even if is from any religion, that's the only hope i actually have in life. Died and be in peace in a place where i will rest forever, or a place where i will serve a demon or i don't know. I don't like larping but believing in that stuff is one of the things that gives hope
>How are you today?
I have so much pent up anger I'm starting to feel unironically homicidial. I'm constantly being stared at when I'm outside and everyone is trying to fuck with me. I'm at a point where very minor stuff can set me off, but I don't know how to find any sense of relief, aside from drinking. Also, more and more "weird" coincidences are starting to happen to me, to the point that even reality starts to feel as if this is all just a big fake I've fallen for.
Bro I feel you, I'm having the same problem. Fuck niggers
been pretty fucking disappointing today, i didn't sleep well and i must have twinged something in my back so i've been in a lot of pain most of today
my tempers been short to say the least
i just sneezed while writing this and holy fuck that hurt so much
i took some ibuprofen and had 4 beers so hopefully that helps?
ruminating on negative memories ruins day after day after day, months have gone by now where all i do is wake up in the afternoon, eat 1 meal a day, and start drinking immediately after until i fall asleep. i just want it to be over, i cant even be calm in a quiet room by myself anymore. i did nothing to deserve a brain like this. i wasnt prepared to live a life with it.
ive also been at that point for awhile and it is absolute torture. there is too much bullshit to put up with throughout the average day, just recently i had some cashier give me unnecessary hassle over something. im still thinking about it, what their motivation was, and i do this with similarly mundane shit from years ago. getting cut off in traffic, little interactions in public, things like that just stick in my brain more than they are supposed to and sometimes i wonder if its all coordinated to make me stressed and miserable. i know its irrational but shit will fall into place in certain ways sometimes that really just makes you wonder if you are on your own truman show and theres an audience laughing at your unlucky life.
I'm OK today. My new medication that has less horrible side effects seems to be working, which is a pleasant surprise. Still zero job prospects and I am getting ever closer to running out of money, with no plan for if I do.
Man, I relate to you a lot. I had some cunt of a cashier refuse to hand me the receipt recently, and I just realized that I am utterly disgusting and pathetic to people in general. I don't even blame them. I literal NPC's (and I mean "literal") I interact with can only react with their programming. I do also feel this is all planned and made up. It feels to me like being stuck in a well-made fake reality, but now the whole scam feels pretty obvious.
>So what do you think we have after death?
Judgment day
>my tempers been short to say the least
I got through my anger stage, now it's just heart aching emptiness
>ruminating on negative memories ruins day after day after day
Yep. I live in the past, just beating myself over anything I did
POG! What medication? Zoloft?
I thought about looking at the suicide guide earlier, the one with the anti-emetics and everything, and at the same time I decided it's too dangerous and that I'd rather live till the bitter end, I guess somewhere along the line my will to live was restored because I don't desperately want to die anymore. I thought of something pleasant earlier and it made me smile, it's like the course of prozac treatment is working flawlessly. I don't want to mess with success in kicking the blues, either.
You need to go to an institute, OP. They will help you stop cutting and everything.
And as for my depression, it's disappeared, with a little recreational marijuana and medication. It's just - and a word to the wise - that it works., and sherm decimates it to the point of extremity. There IS a cure for what ails the depressed.
>What medication? Zoloft?
Oxcarbazepine actually. Doc said that despite being an antiepileptic it might help with my schizo (I refuse to take antipsychotics) and it actually seems to work. Not as "well" as antipsychs but this one doesn't make me feel lobotomized.