Feel like a race traitor

I'm a female and I live in a 100% white country. I've never found black or asian males attractive (I still think blacks are, generally, ugly), I despised bbc porn etc. I listen a lot of vidya and anime asmr, especially those voiced by men, because that's the only thing that makes me feel like I'm close to a man (I never touched a human male because I'm autistic and never socialized properly). There was this one asmr guy that made me so fucking horny and I loved his voice. Recently I found out he's black and at first it was a total turn off for me. I felt terrible because I couldn't get horny from listening to him anymore, and I was disappointed because he didn't sound black at all. I stopped listening to his stuff. But then I went back to it and I started having fantasies about him. I started wondering, how would dating a black guy feel like, but only with this particular guy. I thought he would be really sweet, but I would feel too ashamed to introduce him to my family or something. The worst thing is, one day I'd like to have a baby, and I can't imagine just straight out erasing my phenotype from existence by breeding with a black dude. My child would never resemble me. No one would ever assume it's mine just by looking at them. My grandkinds would also never have my blue eyes or my blonde hair. I couldn't just cuck my race like that, no matter how much I loved the guy. I don't understand white women and men who breed with other races. Still, I keep thinking about this one guy and I can't get over him, even though I know I could never have a family with him. How to cope with being attracted to a black man?

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What's your relationship with your father

im a white femanon but i have no attraction to white guys at all for some reason. i just see them as siblings. ill likely be having kids with an asian guy. im not really attracted to many people in general, most men are kinda ugly.

I had bad relationship with both of my parents

IMO You shouldn't worry much about the race in general if you don't have a good family or clan. Societies are built by layers and you should heal your familiar bonds before worrying about that.

You are a pathetic Asian male, shut up no one falls for that.
Sweetheart, if you'd like to exchange discord tags, I swear I'll have you in love with a white man in no time

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My mom is dead and my father is probably brain damaged from years of alcohol abuse. There's nothing to heal there really. I don't have any other close family. I'd have to build everything from the scratch but it's very hard to imagine when I can't even make friends

Post his voice please

>but it's very hard to imagine when I can't even make friends

It always takes a little bit of courage

I'm not the person you replied to but,
My discord:
VINCENT#9740

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Forgive me for the cringe kek
m.youtube.com/watch?v=35tTyzRjm3A

My voice sounds like that naturally

He definitely sounds black lmao. Not all blacks sound like ghetto hood rats.

He actually sounds white

No he doesn't. I sound white for example. He just lacks a bit of an accent.

Then you're an orphan in practice and orphans shouldn't care about national projects and race wars but on getting a new family.

>asian males attractive

Why should you, you are Black. lol

Stop brainwashing OP, you kike

why do you care about your lineage? Just do as you please. Even if the kid didn't look like you, you'd love them all the same.

Why should you give a shit about your ancestors or your people?

Nah he sounds black we have a base to our voices that other races do not share

you're acting like you'll ever meet him
you probably wouldnt even find him attractive if you saw his face
just have your crush or whatever and continue to date white people

Then record something on vocaroo to prove it huh