I just came to the realization that i am the nice guy that women avoid like the plague...

I just came to the realization that i am the nice guy that women avoid like the plague. im not nice to them just because i expect sex in return but rather im just nice to be a decent human being. i treat both men and women the same yet it seems like if youre a nice person women will assume you have hidden motives. so how do i go about changing this? i dont want to just be an asshole all the time but i also dont want women to think im some creepy nice guy that throws temper tantrum when he gets rejected. before you even ask, yes i am a 26 year old virgin.

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It's all subconscious. People on Any Forums either ignore this or think you're a schizo for talking about this. You are just not someone on a deep level that attracts them in any way. I know how it feels. I have achieved temporary success with changing myself via hynotherapy but the results are not what I need. It's very hard to change your foundation.

There is probably a bunch of stuff you do without realising it and the problem is, trying to change means you overthink stuff. It is hard to say what to do without sounding cliche.

It is a bit like talking to people online, I often meet people who tell me their whole life story (without asking) because they have no real filter. And these people often think of themselves as nice people but don't actually seem concerned with others, nor interested and don't really ask others questions. And I've found explaining that to people often improves their conversation ability immensely. It is a bit like when someone tells you something and people have to relate it back to themselves. "Oh you just bought x" and they go "Oh I just got y" instead of asking someone about that thing they bought and furthering the conversation that way.

This is just my anecdotal experience but I find a lot of so-called nice guys suffer from these kinds of social things. The Internet doesn't help because it create "crabs in a bucket "situations where people are stuck somewhere and drag each other down to stop them escaping. Conversation online is very adversarial and doesn't have an ebb or flow to it. It is often, I say x, you say y, points don't connect and go past each other. That stunts people a bit because they can't understand others. And if you don't have the experience of understanding those social cues then it is hard to artificially build them, especially when your peers move past you.

In a way technology and societal have almost created a bunch of autistic people who don't really understand others. And when people claim they are decent human beings a lot of the time that is just your brain justifying how you feel because people don't like to think of themselves in a bad way. But being decent requires looking at the best in people and sometimes being selfless to your needs over others. A lot of people are just so performative that people instantly distrust motive.

Same here. Girls actually hate guys who are too nice to everyone because it seems they are trying to get into the pants of every girl. I'm exactly like that unfortunately so I've been trying to tone it down.

Same. I'm just completely unconfrontational irl because anything else just feels like asshole behavior.

This is all bullshit. I've seen guys exhibit the worst behavior that would other guys knocked the fuck out. But since they are attractive and act boisterous, they get away with it. They get respect and women essentially handed to them.
I have also seen very attractive spergy autists get women simply because of how good they looked, regardless of their creepy behavior or vibes. Now vibes do matter, but attraction rules all. If you are an attractive male your behavior and character suddenly starts mattering a lot less because people look past all your flaws.

>A lot of people are just so performative that people instantly distrust motive

i relate to this so much. i genuinely feel like im putting on a performance when im put in scoial situations because i have been socially isolated for so long that i dont really know how to act like a normal person.

>"Oh you just bought x" and they go "Oh I just got y" instead of asking someone about that thing they bought and furthering the conversation that way.

Guilty, it's often hard to think of good questions to ask on the spot

It is generalisations about things user, I am not claiming it is fully how the world works, of course there are exceptions. It is just musings on some things I've seen. I sometimes feel like people have difficulty learning social skills for various reasons (some of it because of technology or changing society) that has put them back pedal compared to their peers and then they hold on to the idea they are "decent" when all people do that to justify their behaviour (not many people think of themselves as bad). But often their "decent" behaviour might not often be decent and sometimes they are ignorant to how they really act towards others. What you're saying is your perception built on a bunch of interpretations you've had on those situations that might be fully correct or might not. Of course attraction, status and other things matter but a lot of people throughout human history have had basic interactions with the opposite sex that for a myriad of reasons are now becoming more difficult.

Often it isn't what you necessarily say, it is more that you've acknowledged you listened to what they said and are interested. I think a lot of people often find it difficult to really feel interested in another person in a genuine way because it is easy to label huge groups of people as being one way or another.

This. Good looks trump all. Good looks set the tone of your behavior.
>Chad being an asshole
"omigaaahd he's so hot!"
>beta being an asshole
"ew get away from me creep!"
>Chad being spergy dork
"he's so cute and quirky"
>beta being a spergy dork
"gross what a creepy loser"