What am I doing wrong?

I don't fucking understand what's going on. I was 270 lbs at my max weight, which shocked the fuck out of me. I'm only 5'10 and 41 years old. I work out at least 3 times a week; an hour of cardio on a recumbent bike (500+ calories burned) I lift weights at least once or twice a week. I eat two meals a day usually; 400 - 600 calories at breakfast and 1200 - 1800 calories at dinner. I don't snack (aside from maybe a couple pieces of chocolate after a meal) and I do intermittent fasting for at least 16 hours on most days. I have sleep apnea but I recently started treating it with a CPAP machine. I thought it would help with the weight loss.

So today I finally step on the scale after a month or two of working out. 280 lbs! HOW?? How the fuck do I keep gaining weight? I'm probably 500 calories below my BMR on most days. The only thing I can think of is that once a week I have a binge day where I'll eat a small pizza with some wings and down 12 - 15 beers. I understand that's a calorie bomb, but how is it possible that it's undoing my entire week of working out, intermittent fasting, and eating at or below my BMR?? It's literally 1 step forward and 2 steps back.

I don't think I've hit blob mode yet; pic related is me and I hold my weight pretty well considering I'm a whopping 280 lb whale. You might not believe it, but I'm "skinny" at 200 lbs. Anything under that and I start looking emaciated. A decent amount on my arms and legs is muscle; my forearms are relatively lean, my calves are huge and like 0% bodyfat, my thighs aren't even that fatty; it's all in my torso. Hanging gut, manboobs that are starting to gain fat on the fucking sides! I don't give a fuck about aesthetics because even if I lost all the weight my body would look like shit from loose skin, I just don't want to be this fat at 41 years old because it's unhealthy as fuck. Should I get a gastric band or something? Be super strict on counting calories? Stop binging on the weekend?

-t. Defeated Fatso

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didnt read. buy some salt/mag/potass, snake juice for 5 days, then do omad carnivore 1000cal a day. drink black coffee (max 2 cups a day) when hungry.
if you don't lose weight and continue to lose weight with the above you're lying.

Also, I have yo-yo'd between fat and not fat a few times in my life. When I was 20 I went from like 240 to 190 in 3 months from daily gym and basically starving myself. It wasn't healthy. Then in my 30s I hit 270 and that was a new record. I started working out aggressively, did long walk/hikes, played tennis, and could do 50 consecutive pullups on the bar. I followed the Scooby diet of beans with salsa. I got down to 200 and was pretty lean and strong. I'm no stranger to losing weight, and usually I'd be well upon my way, but I'm just hitting a wall now and I don't understand why.

Is it my age? Am I simply too old to effectively lose weight anymore? Or is this an indication of a bigger health problem, like a metabolic disorder?

Bump

>salt/mag/potass

What does this do? I might not be able to take that because I am on medication to lower my slightly high blood pressure from being overweight and having sleep apnea.

>snake juice for 5 days

Been wanting to try this or another type of non-food fast.

>omad carnivore 1000cal

I eat mostly vegetarian. I eat fish 2~3 times a week and chicken or other animals maybe once every month or so. I don't like eating animals but when I don't eat meat I tend to load on carbs, eggs, dairy, and other calorie-dense foods. I already drink black coffee, but only once in the morning.

Could I just do something like a tuna melt and a whey shake for the omad or does it have to be strictly low carb?

A month or two? Sounds like a month. You just fucking started. Also whenever you begin working out, your body turns your fat into muscle which weighs more so you put on weight. Up the amount of time your workout a week. 1 hour a day - 5 days a week. If you don’t see progress then you’re objectively doing something wrong. At 280lbs your burning probably around 3000+ calories a day just sitting around. Try to eat 2200-2500 calories a day and still workout. Literally all you have to do is a caloric deficit. Quit bitching and get working. You got this, if you been working out like you CLAIM you have then you should see yourself toning out. Get fucking shredded and eat right, high protein.

you're eating way more than you think you are. A small bag of chips is damn near 400 cals, count everything. Even if you eat 1 oreo.
What's more plausible. You breaking the laws of thermodynamics, or you eat too much.

you're a huge fatass at 280 lbs, yes drinking 12 beers will add 10 lbs dumbass. you should weight about 180 lbs at 5:10. you think you look emancipated but thats because youre american where fatasses like you are around 24/7.

also go get your thiroid checked

there is a big shift in your bodies sodium (salts) when you go into ketosis (not the meme diet, simply the thing that happens when you fast) and if you don't flatten that dramatic shift you feel like shit (keto flu). it is a temporary thing.
the diet advice i gave is basically what i did to go from 130kg (286 freedom units) to 79kg (174) in 200~ days. except it was keto, then ketovore, now i'm carnivore and keto is my cheat days. i'm sure you could put aside your morals for 200 days and eat real meat and fat. if not then maybe cico would probably help more.
here is a good source of information from a practicing doctor: youtube.com/c/DrCywesCarbAddictionDoc/videos

>I don't snack (aside from maybe a couple pieces of chocolate after a meal)
So, you snack. Specifically, you consume fucking CANDY and expect to LOSE WEIGHT. You're fucking retarded OP. I bet you arent even counting your snacking calories when you add them up.