I am God. AMA

I am God. AMA

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What the fuck were you thinking asshole?

What is your name?

Why are you white? That's racist.

Prove you're god by posting my full name and address

is canada literally hell on earth? what is wrong with canadians?

I'd like to know myself leafbro. What the fuck is wrong with these people.

I did it purely for the lulz. The universe was pretty cool at first, but I eventually god bored of the space stuff and decided to create some life. I honestly never expected any species to become more intelligent than the iguana.
My true name is not comprehensible in your pathetic human languages. The closest translation in English is Tony.
I do not have race or gender, nor do I have a physical form unless I choose to manifest myself. This is just how you mortals like to draw me.
I do not believe your mother would be pleased with me sharing her home's location on the internet.
>is canada literally hell on earth?
No.
>what is wrong with canadians?
Canada was my attempt to adjust for my mistakes when I made the USA, but I must have fucked up the concentrations in my creation formula yet again. Also you guys weren't supposed to genocide all the natives. I forgive you.

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Can you come chat with me in person? If you're too busy, you could send an angel. I mainly just want to see a divine being with my own eyes and maybe shake their hand.

Can i be a girl next time please, thanks

>Tony
>not Sneed
LARP

Why are you torturing me

Please give us Flood 2 but this time no survivors. Humanity was a huge mistake. Seriously what the fuck were you thinking?

Dude, please make me not be depressed. Please?

Give me a 14 inch dick or I won't believe you

There is virtue in suffering. I would actually be pretty afraid to be wealthy and having hot sex with hot girls right now. I would much rather look like a foot and have an xbox sized nose and no money for food and a twisted gut with heart attacks every night, because the Bible told me it was actually a good thing. Yep.

>Can you come chat with me in person?
No. I'm busy witnessing events so infinitesimal they could be said to not be occurring at all.
>If you're too busy, you could send an angel
I will send Gabriel. However, he will take the form of a incredibly attractive woman who makes subtle hints at being interested in you and you only get ONE brief chance to approach him or it will never happen again. This will occur on the coldest day of the month of April.
>maybe shake their hand
It would be extremely painful...
Just because you dared to ask, I am reincarnating you as a man again. I'm also deducting 8 centimeters of height and increasing melanocyte concentration by 25%.
Sneed is the name of the Son, not the Father.
I torture you because you were always my favorite little pogchamp and I want to see you grow strong.
>Please give us Flood 2
No. I want to see if you guys are going to make it to Mars. I left a big surprise there for you to discover.
>Seriously what the fuck were you thinking?
Again, did it for the lulz.
You will absolved of your depression if you lift big weights and volunteer at the soup kitchen.
I cannot grant that request. You are not worthy and I've seen the porn you coom to.

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Good evening god, how are you?

>I will send Gabriel. However, he will take the form of a incredibly attractive woman who makes subtle hints at being interested in you and you only get ONE brief chance to approach him or it will never happen again. This will occur on the coldest day of the month of April.
You can't trick me, satan!

Hey God, I just wanted to say I'm a huge fan! Thanks for giving me the gift of life and an amazing well-paid job, I just have one question for you:
why the FUCK was I cursed with eternal wiping?? I'll be sitting on the toilet, shitting, and enjoying myself, until I realize that I have to wipe. And wipe. And it just doesn't stop. I regularly go through half a pack of wet toilet paper, as well as a roll of normal, dry TP.
If this wasn't bad enough, it also never feels like I have truly shit out all my shit, it always feels like I have something left inside that just won't come out, no matter how hard I try.

PLEASE GOD, WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS, AND HOW DO I STOP IT?

sincerely,
user

I am splendid and magnificent as always. I like this "anime" stuff that the Asian humans came up with. I'm quite pleased with the Germans (post-1945) as well. They created a beverage named Paulaner Salvator that truly brings new meaning to the ethanol molecules I originally gave to a particularly clever Chinaman about 9000 Solar years ago.
Satan is a myth created by you foolish humans. It's actually just me. Satan is how I refer to myself when I'm logged into my alt account and do a little bit of trolling. Did you seriously believe that I would allow the existence of a defiant and powerful being when I myself am omnipotent? Come on. Think a little.
>why the FUCK was I cursed with eternal wiping?
The man who wipes many times is always humbled. He never forgets that he, despite all his glory and intelligence, is a poopy little boy with a stinky sphincter. The man who wipes little grows increasingly arrogant, prideful, and pugnacious, for he believes himself to be no simple creature. You will never be my strongest solider, smartest scholar, or bravest hero, but you will always be my poopiest lord of porcelain. Oh and maybe just eat more fiber.

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