Let's create the worst video game ever, a point at a time

>every other quest is an escort mission
>npc runs slower than you but walks faster than you
>tiny radius around it as leash, won't move at all if you're not standing next to it

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>Turn based dark souls combat

Experience system with forced grinding.

>unskippable 1-2 minute cutscenes before bosses

Death Stranding but without any of the gear

And the mission fails if you are 5 feet away from them.

A single repeating music track which is fitting for a festival/circus town

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>NPC auto-aggroes onto EVERY enemy nearby. And by nearby, I mean the entire render distance. They also deal 1 damage and take triple damage from enemy attacks. And have a whiny voice line that plays near-constantly.

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And all the enemies have attacks with huge knockback.

>those 3 recipes are actually invalidated by a consumable that is dropped commonly by enemies
>the crafting is still required to progress the story

Also,
>Genuinely interesting dialogue from the character(s) you're escorting
>Gets interrupted by dialogue for entering combat
>Combat happens constantly
>Story dialogue doesn't continue or repeat to accommodate for this

there are thousands of collectibles in random places in the world which are all required for an extra five seconds in the final cutscene

The npc stops every 10 meters to establish the lore.

>escort missions where the npc moves faster than your walking speed but slower than your running speed
Why is walking faster than you worse than them walking slower than you? This part, to me, feels unimportant since at the end of the day, you're still stutter-stepping so they don't get left behind and caught behind some geometry.

The tutorials keep on popping up throughout the game so you don't forget to hold W to move forward.

>hidden NPCs that you need to escort to safety
>stealth game but the NPCs automatically run into enemies when you talk to them
>if any of them die or you miss one, you get the bad ending that's hilariously bleak and out of nowhere

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a crafting and base building system where everything requires wood but theres only enough wood for 1 wall on the map

game is early access beta

Even though all of us were thinking it, you forgot to specify that it's a midi track.

>game stops to have a 15 second cutscene showcasing a close up of every single mook that you can kill in 2 seconds
>never stops even after you kill thousands of these guys

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All the shit everyone has suggested, and will suggest, plus the worst thing:

>Sequel to a beloved game, and the new permanent direction for the franchise.

The game doesn't autosave. There are no quicksaves or quickloads. Everytime you save or load a game you need to go through a confirmation box.

all the lore is written down in 1+ pages you have to find around the world
no reward for 100%ing the game

You can skip some of the grinding by purchasing gacha loot boxes which sometimes contain consumables that multiply exp earnings. But it would cost several hundred dollars to get enough multipliers to half the amount of grinding, and even than it’s extremely time consuming.

>desert
ok let's make it unbearable
>survival mechanics
>all items for needs upkeep need to be dug up
>theres no way to tell what resource you'll find
>needs still go down as you dig
>theres no buffs to keep on top of them but several debuffs for letting them get lower and lower
>shovel breaks and digging with hands is much slower

sadly, this board is full of zoomers who think that sounds like the best game ever.

elden ring

holy moly he said it

Volume sliders don’t affect the menu theme or cutscene volume. It’s always on maximum when you boot the game.
And you can’t skip them.

>final boss has a 5-10 minute unskippable cutscene
>final boss also has a move that instakills

>game's only source of character customization or gear comes from procedurally generated fetch quests
>awards are equipment that gives you something like +2hp when your HP is in the hundreds or thousands

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The game crashes just often enough to really piss you off, but not often enough to just make you quit playing it.
Every time it crashes, it also resets the settings you chose in the options menu.