Hanging in there?

Hanging in there?

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F*** no. Psychiatrist has me on new meds and I can't stop thinking about f****** food

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It's not even that late, I'm definitely not losing control of my life when it's this early.

you're two and a half hours early stu

yeah its alright. I still have my job and my health. Could be worse.

I'm going to be homeless again in three weeks.

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eh. the city's sleeping like a soldier trapped inside of an iron lung, but otherwise i'm alright.

not really. everyday is an empty void of nothin and only reason I don't kill myself is cause i live with other people.
once i'm on my own i give myself a week before suicide in some way.

I really wish my family wasn't shit.. I'm 26 and I still hate my parents for getting divorced over 20 years ago. I wish my mother wasn't a crazy shitbag. I wish I had been raised by my dad.
I'm at least grateful for being in a good financial situation and being healthy
I hope the new Monster Hunter expansion is fun.

I'm sorry user

Why am I getting preflightmissingalloworigin even when my preflights return 404? Preflights aren't mandatory, are they?

It's ok I did it to myself by being a drunk asshole. At least I'll finally have money in the bank again since I won't have to worry about rent or electricity. Living out of a car isn't that bad.

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im dying

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YELLOW CAR

My first thought was "China".
Doing okay, thanks for checking.

Every day is another reminder that I'm getting old and everything good I had is gone.
I hope to one day soon have the courage to do what needs to be done but I haven't been able to go through with it yet, obviously.

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Yup. Just waiting for my money

I'm out of my xanax.

Were they shocked?

I'm enjoying life. Haven't worked for 5 months and have just been NEET living off my savings. Have about $10k coming to me in my tax return soon too. I don't know why people complain about NEET life, I don't want to ever work again.

Is the one on the right disabled or something?

I got covid which sucks a bit, coughing my lungs out at the moment. But at least this gives me a good amount of time off of work to finish up some college shit and play Mario Strikers when that comes out.

So could be better, could be worse atm.

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I should be asleep right now. I have to wake up in 4 and a half hours to work a 12 hour shift. But I'm not tired. And not just because I'm moving from night shift to days because of how short staffed my place of employment is. But also because I just want to play my video games in peace. It's not even a particularly good game. I've played it a million times. The other game I play I've also played a million times. I very rarely play anything new and I have a bunch of games that are just unfinished. But I continue to play these games because they're my comfort games. I know everything about them even if I don't win every time. It's a world I have control over so I can put off the existential dread of the real world which I have far less control over. I probably won't have some form of PTSD but I can't get it addressed. And even if that wasn't there the self hatred would be more than enough to cripple my ability to exist. I'm making an effort to be a better person even if I'm forced to acknowledge that I've become someone I hate. No one here gives a fuck about this wall of text and this thread will probably be deleted but I just needed this second to interpret the swirling mass of anxiety in my head into words on the vague hope that maybe I'll be able to untangle my own head and stop this self destructive spiral and get my fucking life together. I know I'm probably capable. I just can't seem to find the strength to continue after I've started.

That's my blogpost. Proceed to call me a faggot. But I managed to keep S rank through half the missions in Megaman Zero 1 so tonight is relatively good. Maybe I can try Xenoblade Chronicles again.

Try tea. I know you probably don't want it since you feel hot and like shit but it helped relieve my throat for a bit. Also anti-mucus medicine.

I have two therapists, yet I can't stop thinking about how everything is ultimately meaningless. No matter how many bing bings I wahoo, no matter how many great enemies are felled, no matter how many things I play, there's no point to it all. So what if I master some dumb ass game, I'll still be exactly where I am in life now. I have everything I need in life and probably won't go hungry/homeless for the rest of my existence, but what does it matter? I'm still going to end up six feet below in a marked grave among a thousand others. I'm too goddamn tired of busting my ass in college to get slightly ahead of my peers, and I need a change. At least I'm fucking graduating in engineering this week. Maybe I won't regret it later, but damn it feels shitty to waste a lot of my youth being "studious". There has to be some meaning I can create out of any of this, right? I think I need to go travel for a while so I can finally see what's out there on this green and blue droplet and change my perspective on things.