You will never be a ‘pro’ nuzlocker. You have no unit of measurement, you have no tournaments with prize pools, you have no recognised e-sport. You are a disingenuous Bort twisted by mediocre childhood gens and an inferiority complex into a crude mockery of Pokemon’s perfection.
All the “validation” you get is from social climbers. Behind your back people mock you. Real fans are disgusted and ashamed of you, your “friends” laugh at your arbitrary playstyle behind closed doors.
Comfychads are utterly repulsed by you. 25 years of games has cemented that Pokemon can only faint, not die. Even nuzlockers that claim to play casually seem suspicious and off to a Comfychad. Your constant references to ‘viability’ and ‘shitmons’ is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to convince normies on Twitter and YouTube that ‘pro’ nuzlockers exist, they’ll turn tail and bolt the second an e-celeb with more subscribers calls you out on your bullshit.
You will never be a ‘pro’ nuzlocker. You wrench out a fake smile every single morning and tell yourself that you are one, but deep inside you feel the reality of actually just being a ‘content creator’, since this is where your income actually comes from, unlike real e-sports players or speedrunners that have real events with prize pools.
Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll sperg out on Twitter about Gen 2, get caught cheating one of your nuzlockes, and expose yourself as a conman. Your friends will see you get exposed, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment. They’ll have a eulogy on Discord for your dead career, with a headstone marked with ‘former content creator’, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know an irrelevant content creator was rightly outed. Your legacy will decay and all that will remain are YouTube videos that you earned ad revenue as a ‘content creator’.
This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.
Pokemon Youtubers are cancer. They all only become relevant by circle jerking each other for clout, because the algorithm would never let them become relevant naturally. Begging others for shout outs and collabs is pathedic.
Aiden Garcia
Bro I don't care that you're mocking this guy but for fucks sake get a new copypasta. I've seen this exact post 4 fucking times now.
Jonathan Nelson
ywnbapn
Ian Lee
‘Pro’ really is such a weird word for it, but at the same time, I’m not sure I can come up with an acceptable concise word any better for ‘someone who plays pokemon nuzlockes exclusively as content for a career on youtube’. Ultimately though, ‘pro nuzlocker reacts to [thing]’ is just about as low as it goes for poketubers.
Jaxson Lee
>I’m not sure I can come up with an acceptable concise word any better for ‘someone who plays pokemon nuzlockes exclusively as content for a career on youtube’ 'YouTube Content Creator' is likely what he would put on his tax forms.
Adrian Jones
You will be a ‘pro’ nuzlocker. You have various completed runs to your name, millions of dollars, and fame. You are a happy man who doesn't let genwars and autistic bullshit get him down or stop him from having fun with Pokemon.
All the validation you get is from chads. Behind your back people are amazed by you. Real fans flock to your videos, your friends are surprised at how far you've come.
Comfychads love to watch you. 25 years of games has cemented that Pokemon can be played however you want by anyone. Even nuzlockers that claim to play hardcore seem inviting to a Comfychad. Your constant references to ‘let people play how they want' is a dead giveaway. And because you managed to convince everyone on Twitter and YouTube that ‘pro’ nuzlockers exist, some small group of turbo incels on Any Forums will endlessly seethe over you.
You are a ‘pro’ nuzlocker. You happily put a smile on every single morning and tell yourself that you are one, and deep inside you feel the reality that you're not a wagiecuck like angry Any Forumsoreons, who earns millions of dollars doing what he actually loves instead of sitting in a cubicle for 22 hours a day or being a NEET whose parents can't stand the sight of them.
Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - one day said Mongolian image board users will finally stop sperging and will watch your streams or stop caring about people on the Internet. The people who hate you will finally see they were simply jealous you can literally play Pokemon for a living. Your legacy will grow exponentially for the rest of your life until you retire in a large mansion and a happy wife and children. And when you die, they will give a eulogy about what an intelligent upstanding pro nuzlocker you were.
This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back. Have fun.
t. Jan Nobody cares about your autistic "career" except other autists. As soon as people get tired of your cookie cutter content they will move on to the next flavor of the month, and leave you to sink into irrelevance as you face having to get a job flipping burgers in your 30s, because you've done nothing else with your life that will help you get a better job.
t. Unemployed fatass living in mummy's basement Everybody cares about Jan's career. People will never get tired of his endless streams of content, and when he's ready to retire he will be still be a multimillionaire like he already is despite being in his mid 20s.
Chase Morales
>receding hairline >smoker teeth >head the neck >woman lips This is the ideal PRO NUZLOCKER physique. Cope and seethe at all the pussy this PRO NUZLOCKER will get, incels.
Memes aside, is this a thing? I find speed runners and nuzlockers sad already but to actually tag yourself as a “pro” for playing a childrens game with arbitrarily self imposed rules is super fucking ultra sad.
Isaiah Davis
Holy FUCK you're right he's a Chad. If I were a woman I'd let him impregnate me in an instant, unlike the bald fat teenage soiboys on Any Forums. A slave can only think in terms of followers and masters. A woman brings everyone else down to her level of insecurity.
A man knows that he stands shoulder-to-shoulder with giants. One day you will join us in the sun.
Nolan Rodriguez
it’s based on the you will never be a woman copypasta, dumbass
Ryan Kelly
yes, his channel is simply called Pokémon Challenges
Isaac Thomas
I'm way better looking than this guy. If I start my own retarded nuzlocke channel, you guys think I'll be able to divert all the pussy away from Jan to me?
Josiah Lopez
>"pro" nuzlocker lel this shit it just arbitrary self restrictions to make babby's first game slightly enjoyable, it's not a professional occupation
Juan Perez
that is a face that needs to be punched and i will do that if i ever see that faggot in public
>user discovers that "pro" is the new "amateur" as meaning of words changes over time
John White
>people are amazed
Freezai and FlygonHG have established themselves as better players, they don't waste time with reaction content and actually consistently make better plays with better strats than Jan. Those guys ACTUALLY play around crits.
Jans whole thing is that he sucks at every game, and just reruns them to barely scrape by. The only noteworthy thing he's done is critique the most popular Nuzlocke videos on YT.
