Average Day in the Life of an American

>Wake up in termite infested apartment
>Pray to American flag for good fortune
>Text from my boss says I have to come in for unpaid overtime because he's understaffed
>Can't have breakfast because my landlord drank the last of the milk
>Leaving the apartment I see a notice from the Hoa saying I will be fined if I don't put up my Official Coca-Cola™ Frosty the Snowman™ Light-Up Inflatable Christmas™ Decoration
>Love that community spitit
>Can't take my car to work because it got repossessed after I missed the 300th monthly installment of $499.99
>Cant walk to work because it's illegal
>Have to take my wife's boyfriend's bicycle instead
>On the way I see a woman shovelling dead children out of the local school
>"Again?" I ask
>She shrugs and says "Shall not be infringed."
>As I'm turning onto 6379.53rd Street, I get driven off the road by a five (imperial) ton pickup truck billowing black smoke
>A man wearing a camouflage shirt, camouflage cargo pants, camouflage boots, camouflage gloves and a camouflage cap with a camouflage American flag on it leans out of the window
>"THE ROAD IS FOR CARS, FAGGOT!"
>Thank him for his service
>An old woman finds me lying in a pool of my own blood
>I beg her not to call an ambulance, but she doesn't seek English
>Half way to the hospital they realise I don't have insurance and they kick me out on the freeway
>Tip them with the $300 I keep on my person at all times
>Crawl the rest of the way to the hospital
>Don't have any money left to tip the doctors, so they spit in my IV
>Get a text from my boss saying I'm fired because I missed the morning cheer
>Nurse hands me a bill for $3,000,000 and a month's free trial of Opiodol™
>Salute the American flag on the way out
>Get shot by the police for moving my hand too quickly
>Thank Jesus that I was born in the only free country in the world

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And I wouldn't change a fucking thing

Are you neurotic by any chance?

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solid 4.5/10

I have no clue how the average American lives. I dont really care.
I will say however, the world's understanding of our medical system is not accurate.
We just had our first kid (3 nights in hospital, everything that comes with it). It cost $1000. That is all...I can literally provide the screenshot of the bill.

8/10 saved

probably because you're too fat to move around and change anything

How can I have termites if my house is made of cardboard and foam?

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Can anyone post the bong date pasta?

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>Paying $1k
joke

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Based. They hate us cuz they ain't us

I saw a bunch of school children waiting to go to Elementary School at 4:00 AM today (normal American school bus arrival time) and one of them didn't stand for the flag on the back of my truck so I killed them all for being unpatriotic. It won't make the news because there was another 109,382 mass shootings in the same time span.

Provide then user. Also congrats.

>Be brit
>Wake up in even shittier tiny "flat" that costs £2000
>Have tea and neglect brushing my teeth.
>Entire apartment building smells like fucking curry
>Turn on TV, reminder that surveillance vans are seeing if I paid TV loicense
>Walk to work in the pouring rain
>Have to avoid Muslim infested parts of town so I don't get acid attacked
>At work, participate in mandatory diversity pledge or get fired
>Salary is £60k but 80% of that goes to our godly and good NHS. God save the queen and faggots and niggers

>attend mandatory colonization apology seminar.
>Allow pakis to rape my girlfriend out of shame
>Walk back to work. Fuck up and pass by Muslims
>Acid attack
>Go to hospital
>Wait 7 hours to be seen by incomprehensible paki "doctor"
>They give me some paracetamol and send me on my way
>In shit tons of pain since NHS didn't do shit
>Complain about it online
>Get arrested by cops for daring to criticize a paki
>Die after getting raped by 20 guys named Muhammad.

Thanks bro. Its actually on my wife's email since she was technically the patient. She is sleeping at the moment...goes without saying I can't wake her up.
$1000 was most likely from the additional things we said yesterday to in the moment that were add ons etc. One small procedure on my baby.
I pay $14 every two weeks out of my company pay towards my HI. My deductible is $2000 each year. The absolute most i will ever pay in a single year would be $2,364.00.
I make gross 15k a month. My salary is not average...but I can assure you my insurance is middle of the road (definition of average).
America isn't so bad as long as you aren't a complete moron and waste a great opportunity of being born here.
If you are poor in America I would be able to tell after a 15 second discussion.

>One small procedure
You mutilated him didn't you

>Cont.
>BBC celebrates my death since one more white right wing terrorist has died.
>At least girlfriend can't get pregnant but she's a man. The British Poofter Rights Law of 2025 guarantees a tranny's right to love, and men who deny dating a tranny without a license are imprisoned

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Low effort

So was yours

Those people are not Americans and I don't know why you still think they are when they go out of their way themselves to say they're not and that they hate America.
The worst thing about shitskins being so stupid is that they lack the introspection to do the right thing and pop a bullet into their mouths unless it's an accident. Fucking retard. The US is about to run out of crude oil with no renewable infrastructure to replace it and still all you want to talk about is shitskins.

kek

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Blah blah blah make up a bunch of strawmen because you're butthurt about America.

OP is a faggot and remember to sage.