"Can I see your license and registration please"

I flip the switch in my car that activates the hidden harpoon gun before flooring it and making pork pizza all over the road

what crime am I suspected of committing

Run out of the car waving my arms screaming bees!

“Sir, yes sir.”

Cum shid an fart

WHY YOU STOP ME FO? I DINDU NUFFIN AYY LEMME GET YO BADGE NUMBER *chimps out*

I've always wanted to just go out with this one
but I never get in trouble

>hold up donut
>pehaps one of 'these' might change your mind, eh officer?

Can I offer you a donut officer?
Coffee?

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Elbow to chin
Take their weapon

I don't break traffic laws so I would be in the right.

Don't suck at driving and you'll be fine. Also you need to vote defund police ahead of time before they get too cocky. Other than that give it him, then return the favor later on and find out about him. Cops usually live outside of town and two towns over, so go find him.

>56% face

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I scrunched down and tore the most obnoxious hot egg fart ever one time when a cop pulled me over. I told him I was speeding because I was actively shitting my pants and he didnt believe me until I shared that seat-melting poison bomb. He gave me a disgusted look, handed me my license back and said "get to a bathroom and slow down in the future."

105 in a 45

>sir why do you have your baton out I'm going to have to ask you to return it

This right here. Work every time. Once you explain that you are merely traveling and do not identify as a citizen of the country and are therefore not subject to their laws, you will be let go. Now, the cop will be fuming, and throwing a temper tantrum but he'll be doing on the way back to his cruiser with his tail between his legs.

I'm not driving

Respect his position and him as a man and comply. He's doing his job, no need to be a prick. You'd be quite surprised to find how cool most cops are once you actually treat them with decency and respect. There are some absolute assholes who are bullies who end up being cops, but even then, complying and being respectful while holding your head up high is the best strategy to deal with them. Acting out will not work in your favour.

My state doesn't use tags. As a matter of fact Texas in general is hard to even get a speeding ticket considering the speed limit is way more than you will use. I guess based Texas?

>Sure thing.
> What seems to be the officer, problem?
As I slowly pull my cock out my pants and gently stroke the shaft while keeping eye contact.

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>Can I see your license and registration please
May I.

start unbuckling his pants to suck his cock cause i cooked my piece of toast for too long this morning

If you get pulled over and don't already have your license, registration & insurance in hand by the time the cop gets to your window, YOU'RE WRONG!
You know you did it. You know they're going to ask for these documents. So stop wasting everyone's time playing dumb like a innocent little angel who dindu nuffin. That strat never works. Cops hear this bs excuses every single day and it really pisses them off when you do it.
Just be polite. Show respect. Do not argue. Address them as officer. Cooperate with them fully and you're more than likely 9 times out of 10 going to get off with a warning.

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State national.
Failure to recognise this will be met with self-defence.

Texans are based as long as they stay there. Stop fucking up Colorado with your shit driving. Every accident I see one of the cars has Texas plates.

>officer, this is a parking lot which is private property. traffic laws don't apply
>you have no lawful authority to make a traffic stop on private property
>you are acting under false color of authority which is a felony
>officer, you are under arrest. Put your ha
> STOP RESISTING!!!!
>bangbangbangbangbangbangbangbang

I want to see an old person actually use this tactic for self defense.

>Sir I will not be patronized!
>Sir you are attempting to bribe an officer of the la...
>Sir you are attempting to partake in obstruction of justi...
>...
>...
>Sir I have reason to suspect that this confectionery item may be stolen property and am therefore removing it from your possession pending an investigation
>At my discretion, I am making the decision to not write this one up or investigate any further
>Drive safely, sir
>*The defeated whimpers of the officer in question can be heard on bodycam as he scoffs the sweet, alone in his squad-car*

you play the game like a good goy and write it off in court. remember when someone tells you to antagonize the police they are recommending that you personally antagonize a person with a sub 95 iq (maximum iq before being booted for being too intelligent) that is also legally able to arrest and or otherwise fuck with you scott free. anytime you deal with the police, turn into the goodest goy that ever cucked and wait until your jewish lawyer sticks his hand down your pants and squeezes your cock for a little cash and move on knowing thats the least raped you could get in that situation. unless you have nothing and are ready to actually die, then do whatever.

"Well whats in it for me?"
"Sir you need to show me your liscense and registration or I will place you under arrest"
"Well that doesnt sound like a very good deal"

i ant reaching for shit until you ask for it..

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Can i see your benis officer? :DDDDDDD

Well the boomerwaffen and the crackerbarrellstaffel is still alive and well, so we might just see it one of these days

You know what you did wrong.

>Sir step out of the vehicle.