I was invited to this party that was filled with your stereotypical university liberals, and they looked the part too. Now I don't openly share my political beliefs because it's a waste of time unless you are actually advancing the cause, otherwise you're just engaging in masturbatory debate. However, I couldn't hold back this time when I was pressed at this party by some scrawny nerd who had a SMOKING hot gf. I mean she was one of the most attractive woman I have ever seen.
So I was minding my business when this little nerd decides to inform me that there was this dude he hung out with in Cky called "Mike Vallely", and he was the douchiest blowhard I've ever seen.
He was a 5'8" balding manlet who looked like he hit the gym maybe twice a week to do only chest and arms, and he would get super aggro over nothing in order to look like the "tough one" of the crew; which isn't really much of an accomplishment, because the bar isn't set very high in the first place. His accomplishments included scattering 4 timid teenagers by flailing his arms like a windmill, and shoving a middle-aged mall cop away while the security guard was just trying to do his job.
He also had a brief stint as a hockey enforcer, where presumably his appreciation for violence might serve some sort of purpose, but then, to absolutely NO ONE'S surprise, the MOMENT he had to fight someone as strong, or stronger than him, who was equally as fond of violence as he was, he got his shit pushed in regularly. Never won a single fucking hockey fight in his life and was CONSTANTLY getting thrown to the ice.
The guy was the definition of coked up blowhard.
Mike Vallely, ladies and gentlemen. A possible contender for "faggiest skater in all of existence". Possibly faggier than even Bam Margera himself
In 2005, I fucked a nigger on the train tracks behind a Ross Dress for Less. Man, his ass could grip. Real tight, not a hair on it, and a sphincter you could only dream of. I had fun at first. But he was so weirdly macho about it. He kept saying things like "thats right bitch, am I gonna make you nut?" and "fucking fag I bet you can't wait to bust in my fat hairy man ass hahaha faggot". I just ignored him and kept railing. He continued unironically calling me his bitch and a fag as he had several hands free prostate orgasms spilling seminal fluids onto the train tracks, getting more angry and dominant after each one. "Yea i bet you like dudes. You look like a pussy" he'd say "I cant even feel your limpdick bitch." I just kept clapping, wondering wtf is up with him. After about 20 minutes of railing nigger's boypussy, drenched in sweat and his cream, I finally got a nut off despite his constant berating and degrading comments. He immediately hopped off, laid flat on his back and bent his legs over his head so the cum dripped out of his asshole directly into his mouth. "The fuck you looking at? You like this gay boy?" He kept saying. After he got every last drop. He cackled like a rooster and punched me in the face as hard as he could. He nearly broke his hand, but I was fine. "Fucking fag" he said as he limped off into the sunset, shaking his wrist. That was the first and last time I fucked a nigger on the train tracks behind the Ross Dress for Less
Aaron Johnson
High test males and low test girls :)
Dominic Myers
Mike V is a big time faggot. I'm sure i shared this before but in the early 2000s i was skating Hollywood High with some friends- we were at some smaller stair sets in the back not where the huge stair set where everyone films is. I've ran into a lot of ams/ pros in those days and they've always been cool, the ones who weren't like Greco or a few others kinda just kept to themselves- but usually someone else in their crew would be cool with us so it was fine. But i digest... So we're skating and we see him and one of my friends was like "oh shit its Mike V" and like a little bitch - in a very whiney voice he goes "Yes its me Mike V, everyone just stop what you're doing and interrupt what I'm doing because I'm Mike fucking V. NO you can;'t have my board, NO you can't have my autograph, I'm just here to skate. GOT THAT?" We kinda just gave him an "alright bro" and kept it moving- but because of that incident i couldn't fucking stand his ass
They aren't real men, they behave like altruistic Feminist women.
Jason Carter
The nigger was right bro that’s kinda gay, and he knew degrading you would piss you off and make you nut more. Maybe don’t fuck men in the ass if you don’t want to be called a faggot, faggot >inb4 copypasta It’s a stupid copypasta
Asher Allen
Limp wrist liberal beta male cucks don't have sufficient testosterone to please a woman.
I met Mike V in 2000 when Millz opened up and he was such a fucking stuck up insufferable asshole to all the locals. He just skated by himself because he was a too cool for school tuff guy while Hawk and Reynolds were engaging the locals and signing autographs and taking pictures. Mike V pretty much talked to nobody other than the pros he toured with. He gathered everyone around the bathtub bowl because he was going to tail drop or caveman from the pedestrian bridge above into the bowl and pussied out wasting like a half hour of peoples time. I heard he went back the next day and did it but i'm still very skeptical. Watching Hawk skate the big boy full pipe section was life changing, though. He's so pathetic he can't even make money for himself, he has to get his daughter to do everything for him
In 2006. At a HIM concert. He was there with Bam and Ryan and his family doing autographs at the concert. He was literally intimidated by me being 6'6". A literal manlet scared of a guy nearly a foot taller than him. Even the security was kinda afraid of me being big, stature and bulky. (I played football and worked out post high-school, 1st year college) He kinda had an attitude with me being tall. So I told him to fuck off, I was there with a cousin and friend getting an autograph and paid for VIP at the concert. He literally came up to me. Looking right up, said he would kick my ass. I told him, you want me to kick your ass? I would bop you on the head and that would be it. So he was about to bitch-cry to the security right? So he said, okay. I'll give you one time to hit me. If you knock me down to the ground. I'll apologize to you and your friends and family and leave you be. I said, you sure? He said, of course. So, I reared back my arm and fist and punched him in the forehead, he goes down, 2 of the security guards escort me out, my cousin and his friend got to stay, but he was crying like a bitch being hit in the head. They were about to call the cops on me. So I left
The funniest thing to do to Mike Vallely and his family would be to kidnap him, and construct an elaborate midget village in a warehouse where he and his family could live in an appropriately sized home custom built for their various deformities. A peaceful place with all sorts of midget sized attractions and places to visit: a midget supermarket with small food stuffs and a midget car lot with little midget cars and a midget bar with tiny beer and shot glasses and liquor bottles.Then once they’ve realized they can’t escape and have settled in, I would begin coming into the midget village at night dressed like a Kaiju monster and begin destroying their midget sized world, building by building, piece by piece. I would give them midget sized conventional appliances and whatnot to potentially Macguyver into possible defenses. I would of course crush any possible defense they could imagine with my normal sized feet.They would be powerless to stop me, and I could finally experience my lifelong dream of watching all hope leave a man, a man I break by continuous, world ending torment. As his tiny hands reached toward their artificial sun set against the ceiling of what is only one ordinary sized warehouse, but to them their entire midget world, he would beg for his midget god to save him. I would answer his wailing cry with a declaration: But Mike, I am your god now.
