I'm 26 and have done nothing whatsoever in my life. I can't get over mourning the loss of time, nor can I accept that things could possibly get better.
Sorry for the wall of text. I would really appreciate it if you read it though, I genuinely need some help right now...
So, when I say I haven't done anything with my life, I genuinely mean that. Back when I was about 5, I started getting bullied. At the same time, my parents had a messy divorce. The teachers never noticed either, so I didn't have anyone to help me, or to teach me how to handle a situation like that. This lead to my learned behavior of avoiding painful situations and bottling up my thoughts, which in turn lead to me being ostracized and actively bullied for nigh-on my entire youth. I actively avoided social situation (still do), seeing as the vast majority were negative anyway, and that obviously lead to a pretty severe case of social anxiety.
When I turned 17, I quit school, and since then (9 years), barring some disastrous attempts at getting better but lacking the support structure to make it, I have done literally nothing worthwhile with my life.
I know for a fact that I'm smart enough to successfully complete the course load required for computer science, which I'm going to start in about 2 months time. I prepared by getting my high school diploma over the past year; losing 70 pounds, gaining 70 pounds, and losing 20 pounds over the past 2 years; and trying my best to prepare myself for the actual work required to complete an undertaking like an university degree by trying to actively study multiple hours per day.
The thing is though, I just CAN NOT get this horrific feeling of mourning over the past 23 years of my life out of my system. It hounds me, constantly, and makes me break down into crying fits semi-regularly. I feel this intense amount of pain whenever the thought comes up, and it comes up really frequently and without me willing it. On top of all of this, I genuinely believe that it's all too late for me. I'm going to college at TWENTY-SIX. Not because I chose to, because my original career path didn't end up being for me. No, because I've got this huge fucking 9 year gap in my life, not to speak of the fact that I barely have any experience worth mentioning that happened in the 14 years prior to that.
Xavier Ortiz
Most of the people there will be 8-9 years my junior. I can't be relying on people that young to be my main source of friends. It's weird at best, and fucking creepy at worst. And people my own age, or thereabouts, are on a completely different level as me in nearly any respect. What respectful ~26 year old would want to befriend a friendless loser like me, with no life experience, no financial stability, and who's going to college at 26? And that's not even to speak about my actual interest, and the reason why I'm still going, which is starting a family!
And the worst part of it is, it all (seems to me at least) sounds so incredibly logical. Why would I be able to get a romantic partner in the next 5-10 years when there are perfectly normal, attractive, and successful people out there who already have so much trouble getting such a relationship started? What are the fucking odds of me even successfully becoming a functioning human being after I spent ALL MY FORMATIVE YEARS in the fucking house cowering from people who didn't like me.
I mean, let's say everything works out perfectly. I lose my remaining weight and keep going to the gym, which turns me into a reasonably physically healthy person by the back-end of 27/beginning of 28. I manage to complete my bachelor by the time that I'm just over 29. I used those three years at college to fit in as many social things as is possible, racking up some experience.
What fucking then? I'll almost be 30. A 30 year old that's starting his career, living in a small apartment (hopefully at that), with this massive amount of baggage and this huge gap in terms of life experience. How will anyone worthwhile ever want to date me? It's just... It's impossible. It makes me sad to the point of crying.
Kayden Taylor
It fucking sucks that my chance at a life was ostensibly taken away from me. Not only by myself and the uninformed and cowardly decisions I've made of the past 23 years of my life, but also the people who didn't include me in anything, who actively fucked up my self-esteem and self-worth and the adults and my parents who failed to see what the issue was and who failed to take the proper measures.
Sorry for the venting. Ultimately, my question is:
How in the hell do I get over all of this? I've got school in 2.5 months. How can I possibly take on such a massive undertaking with the state of mind that I'm in? Seriously, how do I become OK with my past, and find some hope for the future? I'm unable to think "positive thoughts" or reframe my negative thoughts when all it takes is my brain telling me "But don't forget that you've done fuck all in your life, and people can obviously tell thanks to your depressed demeanor, let alone that they'll notice regardless at literally the first question they pose you!", or "Don't forget that even if you put in all the effort imaginable, and completely and utterly succeed in the goals you've set for yourself, that that still doesn't guarantee that anyone will ever actually like much less love you!" to fuck everything up for me.
Gabriel Reed
We have similar life stories. I also quit school at around 17 cause of depression and an existensial crisis and did little except game and work at a store while i grinded my studies at home to get into a cs degree. Eventually joined a cs program at 26 myself. It did pay off a lot and i really enjoyed my uni years and I suggest you try to do the same. because its a once in a lifetime chance to get to enjoy the good aspects of life. Theres no issue being 26 at uni the age range differed a lot sure people will be younger but that can be a good thing to as you are on similar life experience levels so you can relate. Try to just not overthink sbout your past and try to live in the present. Learn to appreciate what you have and will achieve over time and just go for it on a day by day basis.
Xavier Jackson
Structure is numero uno!
Wake up early EVERY day. Eat a protein rich breakfast eg. 2/3 eggs and a slice of bacon and a cup of coffee. Work out twice a week regardless if you feel like it or not, no pain no gain. Watch at least 3 documentaries every week (I watch 2/3 every day...).
Figure out what you wanna do with your life - computer science? Then do it on your spare time. 2/3 hours every night week in week out. And within a year you'll have enough meat on the bones to get into uni or enough to continue with online courses. There are a lot of good ones cheap (when they are on sale) on udemy.
Control your finances. I can't stress enough how important this is, especially in this tumultuous time we live in. Earn more than you spend, learn to save in real estate, gold, silver, bitcoin and commodities - when to get in and when to get out. Always prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Remember, when you hear about stuff on the news, it always too late to act. Be smart, be frugal, be tenacious, be strong both physically and mentally and in the end, the world be yours for the taking.
life is a struggle dude, whether you are a neet, rockstar, or a garbage man you either get used to struggle, or you find a way out again, life isn't fair or supposed to be fun
Hunter Lee
Tl;dr war will save us all
Logan Young
>I can't get over mourning the loss of time pointless waste of mental capacity
>nor can I accept that things could possibly get better.
why? things getting better is just a matter of you doing it. just do it. it's literally that simple. stop treating life as if you're a passanger on a runaway ship. you aren't the passenger. you're in control of the ship. get back to the wheel and start steering, nigger.
im not even going to read the rest of your post because i already know it's just you making excuses for the situation you're in and trying to absolve yourself of responsibility for it.
you're 26 years old. you have 25-30 years of prime living ahead of you. it's entirely your choice what you do with those 30 years.
Nolan Collins
>going to start in about 2 months time.
Then you won't be a neet anymore. Congats. Don't fuck it up in the meantime with your sick mind. Try not to think at all.
Joshua Smith
didn't read but just bee urself
Noah Taylor
Go work on a local farm you like and work your way up. Maybe you'll get to start your own farm someday. Go to farmers markets to meet them.
Logan Ward
based
Ayden Reyes
You are only 26. Even the average college grad isn't doing amazing at 26. You identify that you have this huge gap of experience, and everyday you mourn the gap grows. You need to just get a job you don't absolutely hate and get good at it. It could be managing a fucking mcdonalds, but you have to want to do good at it. You are at the point where you can work a dead end job and slack off, living your life for the weekends, or you can try to be the best at whatever it is you do. All your pasts mistakes are past mistakes, learn and move on. Planning your path is for highschoolers that have the ultimate luxury, time. You are out of time to plan, get off Any Forums and go to work.
Dylan Cook
why did they bullied you? i got negative feedback all the time whenever i'm around people and it hasn't changed since i was a kid. i don't want to scare you, but what if they bully you at uni?
Oliver Morales
Just become a forklift operator like Tetsuya Yamagami. It's a great job. And then become a millionaire on the stock market.
i will just add; women don't really care about your past. they care about who you are now, and even more than that, they care who you are going to be in the future.
Nathan Peterson
>I know for a fact that I'm smart enough to successfully complete the course load required for computer science, which I'm going to start in about 2 months time.
This is a huge opportunity and serves as a useful means to channel all your frustration, self-loathing etc into something productive (i.e., learning to code, or whatever your course involves).
Suggestions: 1. Accept that suffering is inherent to life, especially the life of a sensitive and - no offence - neurosis-prone individual like yourself. 2. Accept your position in life; no longer expend energy on looking back and trying to stop time. Believe me when I tell you that the energy you evidently have to type out such a long post is useful and is an asset; many people lack that kind of autistic intensity or lose it over time; again, channel it wisely. 3. Acquaint yourself with some entry-level philosophy such as Schopenhauer, and detach yourself from unnecessarily extreme emotions and attachments to material reality.
Seriously user, provided you pass your exams and find some sense of satisfaction with your chosen career path you will probably look back on this post in five years' time and laugh at how autistic you are being. There are many people who lack the intellectual capacity to even consider studying what you are, or who lack the confidence in themselves to pass such a course.
Again, you are young and you at least have a plan to succeed. Concentrate on your studies, on keeping fit (for your own sake), and remain authentic when dealing with others. If you meet a girl be honest with her and confident around her, not as a performance but as an expression of a self which has been produced through suffering.
Try to keep in mind that suffering is necessary to live, and that everyone suffers in some respect. It is your choice whether you use this suffering as a teacher or an adversary. Good luck.
James Wood
literally nobody cares about your age you retarded faggot. You sound like someone who would be really annoying to be around who is obsessed with inconsequential things.
William Carter
I'm a NEET, 29(will be 30 on the 30th) I dropped out of highschool at 16 or 17 and while everyone was studying for their careers and to be in the real world I had schizo delusions that I would become a king. Those were th best years of my miserable life when I had those delusions, I still have them from time to time. But it's not healthy for me to have them. Anyway you should always be studying during your NEET years, I study math and programming from time to time. I have been dreading to go to college because I don't want to see niggers around me, especially not ones dating White girls. Ad for getting a job, if I don't have a girlfriend or own a house(in a White neighborhood) there is no point in working. I despise successful eagies because I know their employer owns them. If I was going to go to work I would make sure I know who the owners of the company were and what their politics were. I don't want to work for leftist vermin.
