Prison Advice

When inside don't be happy, don't be sad and whatever you do don't show any weakness. Google around, do some research of the prison politics where you're going to go inside.

>Advice
Behotch and you will probably survive

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I am an architect by profession, I'm not one of these hardened criminal types -- quite the opposite. I'm just an average Joe.

I don't do drugs. No pedophilia stuff. I hear the native gangs are pretty bad here?

if it was a puter crime the prison you go to is nothing...did my 5 yrs. If you go to regular prison you are going to get ass raped and handed around like a toy.

My advice is you can survive a lot longer being in a relationship with someone. For example I opted into receiving "bitch" status by a Aryan Brotherhood capo. It was what it was and I got through it. The only downside was after I got out I had to change my identity to get away because those guys are all over the fucking place. The sex didn't hurt if you're wondering, he was on the smaller side.

checked, all i'm saying is there might be a situation in which you either give up the goods to a random black booty warrior or you fight to death in the showers and you use your soap-sock-flail to cause massive damage to his head and once he's out cold you take all his shit, clothes, ramen, cigs. you have to stand over his body in a t-pose and loudly exclaim to all the other niggers that you're the alpha now and you're gonna be getting bitches from now on

also word of advice don't get into any debts or get anyone to protect you/help you out/lend you something - this is serious here

also do a lot of pushups

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Lawyer says I'm pretty much up shit creek without a paddle in terms of walking on the charges, but that he thinks he can get me into minimum security. Don't know my sentence yet, but he thinks 4-5 years. Currently out on bail, thankfully.

Study improvised weapons like zip guns. Also maybe skills you can use to make money, watch YouTube videos of ex prisoners sharing prison tips/skills. Hide drugs up your nose in a condom (I’m just guessing they don’t check there, I don’t really know what I’m talking about).

Just keep to yourself you'll be fine in minimum

is there anyone you can rat on?

I hate that idea, its repugnant. You gotta do what you gotta do, but I have young kids and a (soon to be ex) wife.

What did you do, OP? Talk about the Great Replacement or question child drag queens?

It wasn't an organized crime thing or anything like that. It was more along the lines of self defense.

Wes Watson on YouTube. He tells everything you need to know.

What did you get nabbed for?

you are replying to a tranny, you retard.
if you're in minimum sec you'll be ok, don't let anyone ever give you anything and don't ask anyone for help ever.
if someone tries to rape you, you gouge their eyes out and rip off their balls (preferrably with your teeth)

how good is your lawyer? I would be draining my savings on the best lawyer possible

>I'm not one of these hardened criminal types
The guards will probably see it, and place you in fitting company, since that means less work for them.
Or at least that is what the guards do here, according to a friend of mine that works as one.

Goof is prison slang for friend.
Use it often

Your experience depends on which prison you go to. How tough is Canadian prison? Does your crime warrant you to be in a high security prison?

Batteries or tinned food in the sock works even better

What did you do to warrant your sentencing? What crime did you commit?

Literally stay with your own race, don’t take anything you cannot repay from other prisoners (favors, gifts and rumors)
And most importantly of all, if you get challenged via someone disrespecting you or someone tells you to throw hands, throw hands even if you will lose.
Doing so will make you less of a target for prison rape/ murder due to the prison knowing your going to stand up for yourself

>beyond my control
Another victim of something. You're a faggot nigger. I hope you have to suck dicks immediately

It's not that easy. You can get seriously hurt if you fight back sexual advances.

Once war starts opposing armes will break you out. All cops are vaxxed, they will drop dead soon.

People join prison gangs for protection.

you will never be a woman LOL
btw you're right, you would get very badly hurt if I fought back against your sexual advances

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I would research Prison Mike. He was in a very similar situation and gives good advice.

I'll give you 10years for LARPin

if you don't fight back, it's open season on you.

They're like animals.
It's all about race in there.
You will probably be tested.
You will almost certainly have to fight.
If you don't fight you will be walked on. So you have to be ready to fight. Even if you lose its better than not fighting.
Cunts are crazy in there. Start putting size on. You'll either train all day or get fat/ on drugs anyway. There's nothing else to do. The food is usually fucking shit. You need someone to put money in your jail account. Write down a detailed description of who you are before you go in. Create a snapshot of who you are and who you want to be. You won't be the same when you get out. Put who you become back in the box and remember yourself when it's over. Remember that you became comfortable in jail and be scared of the fact that you are no longer scared of going to jail. Good luck

I'll green text it. It is a long story.
>be me
>be architect, have wife, kids, house; ideal life
>have neighbour who "adopted" a pitbull
>him and his "girlfriend" allow the pitbull to run roughshod over the neighbourhood without any constraints. Kids on the block try to play street hockey or soccer and they get chased by this pitbull
>hate this dog and my neighbour with all of my heart, it is a menace to the neighbourhood and will one day likely kill a kid, perhaps even mine
>flash forward to about a year ago
>I'm self-isolating at home because I tested positive for COVID, working from home anyways, wife and kids leave to in-laws for the self isolation period so their ability to work and go to school isn't impeded
>one day, while everyone is out and about in the neighbourhood, look out backyard window while making coffee
>see neighbour's pitbull in backyard
>take raw steak from fridge
>give it to the dog so it is distracted, then smash it over the head with a metal snow shovel so it loses consciousness
>take it to garage and strap it onto my work bench
>use tin snips to remove its teeth and cut its testicles off
>dog loses consciousness from blood loss
>attempt to bandage the wound
>leave unconscious dog on the driveway of my neighbour's house
>don't realize he has cameras
>next morning I am arrested

That's about it. I know lots of people don't like what I did; my wife is leaving me and wants a restraining order against me for herself and my kids. This has ruined my life. I was just trying to keep my neighbourhood safe from this menace.

When you get to prison don't brag about being tough or anything like that. That is called selling wolf tickets and people will beat, stab, and murder you for it.

Kike.

But submitting will mean your not just his bitch but the entire prisons bitch, expect to give up food and be whored around for Ramen.
It’s much better to go down swinging (or in a blacks case grapple) so if you live they will not bother with prey that fights back.

I wouldn't brag about being tough. Lawyer said he will control my assets while I'm gone so I will have access to money, I can buy good will that way right? I just don't want gang stuff. I'm not a gangster, I'm just an average Joe and an architect

why does everyone respond seriously to the tranny?
ok you had me in the beginning, it was a good larp thread, I'm leaving now bye nigger

Fake and gay, you wouldn’t forget to check for cameras.

Oh man....when they find out what you did you are going to be raped a lot. Get a dildo and start practicing so it wont hurt so bad

But to add to him don’t be bitch either, stand up for yourself but be humble.

There's just no way anyone normal would risk their family doing something like this and in such a retarded way as well.

holy mother of fuck you're absolutely retarded
dude you're a fucking retard
when the pit was chasing the kids, just kill it
zero legal repercussions whatsoever
holy fuck you had to go weirdo serial killer on it

Oooof....you're fucked buddy. Animal abuse ain't gonna go down well with con types.
Also I dislike pitbulls too but you went a bit far there. You could have "disappeared" the damn thing quietly. Bot overkill lad.

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This reads like bullshit. You just knocked it over the head and it became unconscious ey. That's hollywood shit.

As is the rest. And your neighbor has cameras watching into your property as well. It's all too hollywoody and convenient. Probably lifted off a karma farmer on reddit.

I was in a trance of anger, I wasn't thinking clearly. It was a crime of passion.

Anywho, it wouldn't matter if I did check because the camera in question was one embedded within the doorbell.

ehow.com/how_4558077_make-knife-out-toothbrush.html

youtube.com/watch?v=s6ZpmqjNlCk

allinjurieslawfirm.com/blog/top-10-ways-to-prevent-a-bathroom-slip-and-fall

youtube.com/watch?v=e1wYrr9-JFI

prisonphone.co.uk/blog/inside-lingo-24-terms-that-you-need-to-know/

youtube.com/watch?v=4slwZoGJrzc

bestlifeonline.com/better-wife/

millennialships.com/how-to-flirt-with-a-guy/

youtube.com/c/FreshOutSeries
mandatory reading and watching for you OP, I believe in you ^^^^^^^^

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>You should flee to Brazil, they don't extradite.

>youtu.be/KYXeSSrOcMc

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But if it's true just explain you did it for the children and take the punishment proudly, knowing you did the right thing. Make some noise about it, become a hero.

>Go by boat.

If you give away shit and maintain respect you win people over,. otherwise you will be abused. Don't get arrogant at the cards/chess table they will get offended. Don't relax around niggers, I had commissary stolen. Win the respect of the COs and they will treat you better. Be respectful to everyone and just do your time. Don't fap at all. And don't ever be barefooted, especially in the showers. Don't say the n-word either. Someone tests your patience, report it.

You and OP should be cellies. Fucking faggots.

Stay on solitary confinement. Whenever they get you out, kill someone so they put you back there. Repeat until you're out of jail

Yeah, and then what? Also I can't flee given the fact that I will get arrested at any border crossing or airport.

just work out all the time, sleep well and eat your meals. try to get a prison job, even though it means youre a slave. but it will give you some extra money to spend on alcohol free beer which makes you look cool when you drink it in the recreation room.

If your story is true there’s no fucking way you are getting that much time and you haven’t argued your case well enough. You need to explain that you feared for your childrens lives and that you lost control of yourself in a burst of anger due to stress from work or some shit.
You shouldn’t be getting any time at all if you word it correctly. Get a better lawyer.

I would rather get beaten and occasionally raped if it meant not dying. I still live my life and enjoy the life I live. If I had fought back who knows where I would be now.

thread theme:
youtube.com/watch?v=oM9c_MleWYY

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This is a rare pasta. Not good just rare.

I did 5 years in the feds for drunken arson. Try to stay away from drama, try to make friends (don't be a lone wolf if you can avoid it, though sometimes there's no real friend material so it's hard) and don't be too visibly generous or you'll be a mark for poor beggar guys. Work out, read, do vocational training if it's available, and deny the holohoax. There are usually old salt non-gang pro-white dudes, learn the ropes from them if they're available. There are generally dudes who are happy to seem like an authority and teach a n00b the rules. If you're in a low security place you'll probably be fine, since it will be full of dudes like you and guys who were calm enough to be transferred down from higher security. Try not to stand out, do what other people do unless it's retarded. In dangerous prisons there are usually pretty firm unwritten rules that as long as you don't violate them you're generally safe. The less dangerous the prison, the more annoying and disrespectful the inmates. So if the inmates are openly insulting people and not getting their asses beat (for example), you're probably in "candy camp". And when it comes to Indians (I assume you mean feather Indians), just don't raise your voice to them or laugh at them and they're generally pretty chill.

i don't believe you, but if someone did this to a dog they can probably expect similar treatment in prison. just shoot the damn thing if it's a dangerous niggerdog

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Pitbulls are a piece of shit but you went too far. It's still a living animal. Smashing it to death with the shovel should have been enough. Especially if the dog was on your property at that point. Put it in black bags and dispose of the carcass in a municipal waste bin. Job done.

>You get a job dumb nigger, such as on a farm or anywhere really.

>Also I can't flee given the fact that I will get arrested at any border crossing or airport.
>Not by boat. And I didn't say fly. I said boat.
>get creative, it's better than going to fucking prison you retarded nig.

Be polite, but don't be a pussy.

Bruh....you hurt a pitbull and the other inmates will find out what you did. Find the biggest dildo you can and just sit on that thing till you get sent to prison. Then being raped all day wont be as bad

You're in Canada my man, if it's not violence you're fine.

do exercises to stretch your butthole

Stop wasting your time on Any Forums and watch videos on YouTube

Larry Lawton has an entire channel dedicated to whatever question you may have:
youtube.com/watch?v=iO5RWCGRzXk

Also look up

AfterPrisonShow - Joe has more of a sense of humor than Larry Lawton

and Jay Williams Let's Live Life who has less of a sense of humor than Larry Lawton.

Find the biggest Giganigger in the place and just start swinging at him to show you don’t take any shit.

Prison is chill in Canada. Provincial jails are worse. Go Christian and stay out of trouble and you will be fine. I did 7 months in Toronto south gp like that. It's way rougher there than prison.
youtu.be/8jGl0SXEfys

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Imagine being a scumbag prison goon and thinking you are morally superior to other inmates.

Never, ever, drop the soap.

I did not want to kill the dog. I simply neutralized its ability to be a menace to the neighbourhood. Neighbour gets to keep his shitty pet. But, apparently that made it "worse", and "sadistic". They even paraded the dog in court to display its "trauma". What a joke the legal system has become

They won’t ultimately kill you man unless they are in for life, and even then if they rape you they mark themselves for you to kill later.

So it’s much better to just fight and roll the dice then have 10 years of constant rape and abuse.

Well you sound like a retarded psycho so if you’re not lying so you should be able to pretend you’re insane in the land of free bus cannibals

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>prison gang?
>Canada.
Unless it's Toronto, you're fine mate, if the natives bother you just tell em you don't really care about natives.

You kinda went bat shit insane is thoseoments , I can understand being mad about the dog but you went way too far user.
If this is true you are definitely up shots Creek without a paddle.

Calling bs though as a snow shovel wouldn't keep a dog down and out for long. Any more details OP?

This guy serves kikes and works for CSIS. Get raped by niggers.

I know OP he dressed up as Karen and tried to summon Anubis

Their morals are higher than the cops who protect the pedo elite.

youtu.be/E_uz37x_dgY

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This, start working out OP and hold off on prison for awhile.
It's Canada so you might just not even have to worry about it.

Ahh.. fresh meat!

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I learned to enjoy it after awhile.

Pitbulls are usually owned by prison frequenting folks. There isn't a moral in any prison

If you want details so much, this was a metal snow shovel, one of the ones you use to chip ice in the winter. I smashed it repeatedly over the head until it stopped moving. I realized at that point it wasn't dead since I saw it was breathing, then I did what I did afterwards.

I oppose masonry in police

youtu.be/E_uz37x_dgY

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I don't believe this story for a second, and anyone who does is a fucking idiot.