Here is the translation of the speech of the new leader of Afghanistan to the world:
For the last 40 years, we have struggled to establish peace in Afghanistan. We have defeated the forces of the atheistic Communists and the Zionist west and we have liberated our country.
We invite all Afghans to participate in our Islamic Emirate and we promise we will work for the betterment of our people. Our priorities are to bring peace to all regions of Afghanistan and to ensure the fairness of law. We will punish those who have done evil and we will pardon those who fought against us, but have now submitted themselves. Allah is the most merciful and we can only thank Allah for our victory. Islam will be upheld in Afghanistan.
We have but a few things to say to the world. If you want peace with us, end your hatred for our government of Afghanistan and recognize our rule. We are the rulers of this land graced by Allah, and no matter how hard you have tried, you have never defeated us.
To the people of this world, especially the Palestinians, we hope that our victory over the superpowers of mankind will inspire you, as our faith in Allah has been confirmed for all to see. How can you deny Allah and his will when he has delivered such a great victory to the believers? We dream of a world in which there is peace between all and we ask all world governments to recognize our government. Our message to the American people and people of the western powers who fought us, who we know are hurt by this defeat, is simple: we do not have any hatred for you. Your government, ran by Zionists and atheists, who want to spread their anti-Islamic views here, were our enemies, not you. We will pray for the day when you liberate yourselves from their grip and there can be peace upon this planet. One day, in the future, we hope the whole world will see the truth of Islam. Allah is the most merciful.
Jack Cook
jannies will leave this up but delete the thread on the Israeli music video mocking the 'goy'. Makes you think....
I paid 10 grand to have a personal session with Wim Hof a few years ago. He showed me how to properly stay under -20 in ice without panicking. His breathing technique is absolutely impressive and when I was under and able to actually stay the full 10 seconds it felt totally sublime. I tried to have sex with him back at the hotel but he told me he was not a homosexual and finished our session early.
Woah guy, I don't know if anyone educated you on this yet but antisemitism is NOT ok
Edit: Thanks for the gold kind stranger
Edit 2: 327 upvotes for this? Haha wow that's the most I've ever gotten, thanks guys and gals and everything in between!
Edit 3: WTF 600 upvotes wow thank you all so much this is the best birthday ever
Edit 4: Thanks for all the birthday wishes fellow r/woooshers. I tippeth mine hat to thee on this pleasant day.
Edit 5: Ok, so this went viral overnight for some reason O_o 2000 motherflipping upboats I really have no words thank you all so much it means a lot!
Edit 6: ok I'm noticing some toxic discussion happening in this reply chain and I feel the need to address it. Sexism and racism are not cool guys, so please cool it and continue the good vibes please and thank you
Edit 7: ok so I don't know why but I've gotten a lot of downvotes on this post recently, maybe I got raided by Any Forums.com/b?? (commonly referred to as the "asshole of the internet" for those who aren't aware). I don't really ask for much but I was hoping we could show those losers a thing or two, so pls give this post an upvote if you haven't already, it would mean the world to me and show these bullies you cannot mess with a good person
Edit 8: turns out my girlfriend cheated on me, so that happened :/
Edit 9: so people have been wanting me to clarify the previous edit. I don't have the energy to go into a lot of detail so the general gist of it is this: Yes we were in an open relationship, no that doesn't mean you can't cheat on someone when you're in an open relationship. If you are having sex with someone and never mention it until they get you pregnant, that is definitely a betrayal of trust even if you've both agreed that she can have as many partners as she feels she needs to be comfortable.
Edit 10: FYI, taking responsibility for the child does not make me any less of a man than you, actually it makes me more, so kindly fuck off please and thank you
