My boyfriend of 18 months says that he's done a bunch of soul-searching and came to the conclusion that he is poly...

My boyfriend of 18 months says that he's done a bunch of soul-searching and came to the conclusion that he is poly. He wants to date other women (probably cis women) and I don't know if I should go along with it or tell him we're done. I love him a and don't personally want to be with anyone else, so it would just be him dating others, not me. Is this the end? It seems like a bad sign. I love him and want to be with him but idk if I can handle him seeing other people.

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Oh also if he is poly, I don't want to deny his identity. If he's not happy ina single relationship then I can't do anything about it. I just don't know how I feel about staying with him when I am innately non-polyamouros.

He doesn't respect you and he's using you, tell him you're done
No amount of "soul-searching" justifies polyamory if that wasn't how the relationship began

This
"Poly" isn't an identity

Poly is a shit meme for retards who want to cheat on their partner without feeling bad about it. Someone in a poly realtionship always loses and feels bad about it, don't feel bad about ending the realtionship because anyone trying to fuck someone else doesn't really love you or care about you, take an objective look at your realtionship or get some others opinions on it before you make any decisions though.

You can stick with him and try it out if you want to, otherwise it’s a perfectly valid reason to break up with him if you’re monogamous. How confident do you feel in your monogamy?

Tell him you're done dating him.

"Poly" isn't an 'identity'. It's something that happens. Typically between people with a high degree of mutual trust and dependability.

Something that you are obviously not comfortable with nor did you agree too when you originally started dating him.

Make it clear he has to choose between his love for you or his hypothetical love with other non-involved parties.

I mean I believe him when he says he needs to have multiple partners in order to fulfill his needs, and that it's an innate thing. I really don't want to just say, "he just wants to fuck other women" because that reduces who he is to his actions. If he's a "poly" person I understand why he wants to have "poly" relationships. It's just that Im a "mono" person so I'm trying so see if there's any future. I can't change who he is and he can't change who I am. We have talked a lot about it and I don't want him to deny who he is.

>How confident do you feel in your monogamy?
By this do you mean how confident am I that I don't want to be with other people? I may be amenable to having sex with other people in the correct context but I'm 100% confident that I only want to be romantically and emotionally attached to him (or I suppose another partner if he's not the one).

>and that it's an innate thing.
my brother in christ his ancestors of thousands of years were not man-whores

this isn't some biologically ordained thing like homosexuality-- unless by that you mean he's impulsive and has a high sex drive-- in which case, yeah, if you don't put out enough then he'd be motivated to cheat.

But I'll let you in on a little secret, poor innocent tranny, all cis women know men have urges, urges they often fail to live up to, and you know what they do?

They make the man compromise between his urges and his love for them. They use their manipulative feminine charms to make them dance like puppets on strings.

Either you get your man back the fuck in line so he isn't confident disrespecting you by blatantly telling you that you aren't good enough to sexually satisfy him and then toy around with the idea of fucking non-existent third parties, you are a pathetic wench who has failed in your natural obligation as a woman to keep men the fuck in line.

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Also I don't know why but it makes me feel worse that he would be sleeping with cis women. That's probably just completely silly but I feel like if I told him to only date trans women that wouldn't be fair to him, or the other trans girls that he would date.

I don't believe poly is a meme or just an excuse to cheat on people like a lot of the people in this thread do, but if you're being pressured into a poly relationship that you aren't comfortable with you are going to get hurt and it will eventually lead to the end of the relationship. Has happened to every one I've seen. Poly reltionships can only work when every party is enthusiastic about it. You need to tell your boytfriend you aren't comfortable with it and make it clear it's either polyamory or you. If he breaks up with you, the breakup would happen in a year's time anyway. Best to deal with this now.

I dunno what to do, I rarely ever say no to any of his sexual advances and I get him off usually every time we get together. He has a couple of what I would consider normal fetishes and I indulge those for him so I'm not sure what else I can do to make him happy. I can talk about it with him, but thus far he seems to indicate that him wanting to be with others is emotional on top of sexual.

If the answer is just be sexier to him then I'd do almost anything. Should I try and lean in further to the fetishes he already has? How would I do that?

>If he breaks up with you, the breakup would happen in a year's time anyway. Best to deal with this now.
But I love him. I don't knt what I'd do without him. He's the first guy I've seriously dated since transition and I just don't see how I could have something this special with anyone else.

>Should I try and lean in further to the fetishes he already has?
If you wish to placate him rather than challenge him, yes.
>How would I do that?
You never went into the intricacies of his fetishes. You'd have to for me to be able to properly assess this.

However, he sounds like an extreme sexual deviant given he is constantly sexually active with you and encourages you to do fetish play in regular sex.

>that just reduces who he is to his actions
People ARE their actions user, let's say hypothetically he's just hypersexual and struggling with not having enough secks, a normal human being in a realtionship would sit down with their partner and have a talk about their needs and try to figure out a solution you both are happy with. Now let's also acknowledge your realtionship is now at the point where the honeymoon phase is over, I don't think it's a coincidence that he's only telling you he's poly after 18 months instead of mentioning it earlier, when someone does shit like this it's manipulative as fuck. Pulling the "it's just who I am" card that late into a realtionship only serves to emotionally control you and make you believe he can't help himself from wanting to fuck other women, it's not that he wants to, it's that he physically NEEDS to and there's nothing (You) can do to stop that.

Skimming thorugh your posts tells me your boyfriend is a massive commercial faggot and a manipulator, and that he is having and will have a negative influence on your life. Dump him cold turkey and ghost him.

I completely understand that feeling, but I promise you there are other men out there who will love you just as much or not more than him. You have value as a person outside of him. You will be loved again.

I know you don't want to deal with the ramifications of this right now because it's scary, but you can't put it off forever. This will get exponentially worse if you enter a poly relationship with him.

My boyfriend used to be in a poly relationship he was uncomfortable entering, so I'm going to pull from his experience here. You will be constantly panged by doubt and jealousy. Every time you hear about him giving her more affection than you it will break you inside. You will silently cry yourself to sleep because you feel like the man you love is being taken from you. A poly thing can work if everybody wants it but if you don't want this it will eat you apart inside. If after a few months you realize you can't do it and try and make an ultimatum then, he will choose her and wont even feel like the bad guy for him. I'm not saying this to try and scare you or make you feel bad, I'm merely telling you what will probably happen. Please deal with this now. You're a stranger but I don't want to see you hurt.

I really doubt this is primarily sexual btw. If it were he'd probably be asking for an open relationship where he can sleep around instead of a poly one where he can openly be in love with another woman. You can't sex your way out of this.

>commercial
*coomer lol

>You never went into the intricacies of his fetishes. You'd have to for me to be able to properly assess this.
>However, he sounds like an extreme sexual deviant given he is constantly sexually active with you and encourages you to do fetish play in regular sex.

I mean no, I feel like we do a normal amount. He likes it when I dress in the French maid outfit and he like cumming on my feet. (I don't want to give too much info but he's not on the board). The outfit stuff is a special occasion, maybe 1 in 8 times or whatever, where I usually clean his apartment and then he fucks me. And the foot thing is usually he pulls out when he wants to cum during regular sex and cums on my feet and then he likes it then I lick it up. This happens probably 2/3 of the time and usually when don't ask him to cum inside me, which is what I'm into.

>he's just hypersexual and struggling with not having enough secks
I have never ever turned down giving him a blowjob even when I wasn't feeling it and I don't intend to. I can't imagine its an issue of not enough sex as I am willing to do almost anything I can to get him off my if he wanted 10 blowjobs a day I would do it for him. I just want him to want me.

>You will be loved again.
I know. I'm in my mid 20s, not 14. But I love him and don't want to lose him. There are always other people out there, but I don't want them. I'd love if we broke up, but I want him and I'm willing to do what I have to in order to keep him.
>If it were he'd probably be asking for an open relationship where he can sleep around instead of a poly one where he can openly be in love with another woman.
I wish it was this. I'd let him fuck other girls of he said he needed to. But the idea of not getting him on a Friday night. Or him watching a TV show with her instead of me. Or going to her thanksgiving instead of ours. All of that breaks my soul. Sex is just sex, I'm not a prude but truly loving someone else :(

>I'd love if we broke up,
I'd love again* if we broke up.

I really do have a lot of sympathy for your situation. That sounds absolutely awful and gut wrenching. I can tell he's special to you. But you need to explain your feelings to him and make sure he understands how much this would hurt you. Take notes from what you've said in this thread, write him a letter, do whatever you feel comfortable with. I'm just very worried you'll end up incredibly hurt if you decide to go along with this.

Best of luck user.