When i get drunk, i don't wanna be a woman anymore!

thank god i don't really intend to, lol

no you will
You will
just dont regret it.

nah, i guarantee i won't, it's not even like a "live fast, die young type thing"
i've got plans

I dont know your life nor do i care that much about it, but I care enough to tell you to stop with the bullshit and go to therapy
Spend your time going there instead of thinking of suicide.

i just started therapy, in a couple days i've got my second session
i can't tell them everything, obviously, cause i don't wanna go to a hospital
but idk, i'm trying to get better :)

Very good user!
Keep going
Of course you cant tell them everything just yet.
It's ok
Take your time.
>get hospitilized
Shit. Still take your time. Maybe you will open up to family eventually.

i told them pretty much everything, actually
except for that i intend to kill myself, pretty soon, cause if i told them this was like the last thing i intended to try, i'd get locked up in a second
she told me i'm probably bipolar, and a couple other things, i told my mom on the phone, she cried
idk, it is what it is, it's a struggle
i just hope she can help me

Life is hard user. For everyone.
keep struggling
We are all gonna make it, remember that.
Also take time to improve yourself right now. Go for a walk, go make a meal for your mom anything that is positive.
it's fine if you feel terrible. You are at the bottom of your life. Try and swim up, the fresh air is worth it.

ig, it's just been bad for unironically almost the majority of my life
i don't remember what it means to feel good and normal
i'm 19, and i've felt this way since i was 10

I get you.
I'ts gonna be ok
not easy or a smooth flight.
But you will be ok.
I hope you never give up.

im assuming youre either early 20s or still a teenager so i'll give you just a warning i wish i knew when i was in your position:
alcohol abuse makes you look older faster, and will likely make you way more dysphoric in a few years.
do whatever you want, i just wish someone told me this when i was younger and alcoholism-coping

ig, it doesn't feel that way and it's hard to believe
if this therapist shit falls through i actually don't know what i'm gonna do
i'm 19 and have been a drunk for about 6 months
ig i'll switch to weed, i've been thinking about trying ket, we will see
all i know is that being sober fucking sucks

you can't drink forever anonette

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why not?
people say this, but like, why not?

>all i know is that being sober fucking sucks
Alcoholism is fuckign real, hopefully you will stop.
>if this therapist shit falls through i actually don't know what i'm gonna do
Look for people to conect with. Sounds like you dont have supportoutside the therapist. That would be the next step. And dont b afraid of people rejecting you. It will happen. take it with grace and move on.

Liver failure!

Your body ages, it (the alcohol) won't work the same way it used to. Tolerances, physical changes etc. Tried to run away using all kinds of substances, alcohol included. It works until it doesn't, it'll catch up to you eventually unfortunately. If you're being serious, unironically be careful, please. The crushing dysphoria and realization that you can't run anymore once it all comes crashing down and no longer works is soul destroying.

i have/had friends before my therapist, but i cut them out cause i'm super bpd, i have some that i'm still close to, but since i am bpd it's only a matter of time
i do have friends tho
also, alcoholism isn't that bad
if i wasn't an alcoholic i'd be a pothead, or some other kind of drug addict, or i'd be cutting again
everyone would need a cope when they feel like me
not a problem!
also, idc!

if this therapist doesn't work out, i don't plan to live past 24, so tbqh i do not super care
if the therapist works, i'll stop within a year, if not i don't care :)

>i'm 19 and have been a drunk for about 6 months
yea, it may seem like an easy way to cope with repression pain for now but it really does destroy your life.
ketamine is a pretty good drug but idk if it would work well as a cope the way booze does

for what it's worth, i was in your exact position when i was your age, all repression alcoholism brought me was 5 more years of slowly getting worse and worse and more pained until i gave up and started hrt when i turned 24 because i was planning on killing myself anyways. i'm almost 26 now and i know for a fact that if i hadn't made the call to start hrt when i did then i absolutely would not be alive today and alcohol wouldn't have been enough to cope

not trying to tell you to do anything just sharing my experience as someone 6 years older who was in your exact position, feel free to ignore it but i feel obliged to share anyways

I never planned to live beyond 25, and here I am at 26, wew lad. An heroing is harder than it seems. Self destructing until you kick the bucket didn't work for me either. It's just caused me more suffering where I lack the balls (kek) to finish myself. t. Also BPD.

i tried hrt for like 3 weeks, it didn't make me feel better, so i quit and started drinking again
i've been painting my nails recently, idk if it counts as getting better, but i've also been trying to take sober days
idk, i am trying to get better
it's just hard

why not???
that's so fucking lame
i've been doing all the self destruction shit, drinking, smoking, sleeping on the ground outside, cutting and shit, cutting off my friends, SURELY i kill myself eventually
i hope i get cancer