>be me
>naturally feminine and flamboyant from a young age
>take an interest in music and learning
>autistic and very religious
>born with genetic problems that required physical therapy and surgery
>spend years of early elementary school in casts and braces
>can't play with my friends at recess and repeatedly break my braces trying to
>spend free time reading and making art instead
>parents have me tested
>highly gifted
>pulled from classes with my peers and put into accelerated courses
>starts to become obvious that I'm going to be a faggot
>ask my parents for a doll so I can "practice being a good dad"
>just jealous of my sister
>my dad is pissed
>starts drinking more
>becomes more dependent on opiates
>cheats on my mom again
>wonder why dad doesn’t love me anymore
>dad starts emasculating me and making fun of me for being feminine
>makes me hurt myself and perform masculinity to earn my “man card” from him
>he never gives it to me
>at 9 years old I start stealing my sisters clothes
>wear them in front of my family
>dad gets angry, asks what the fuck is wrong with me
>feel gross, stop wearing my sisters clothes
>pray for god to make me a girl
>it doesn’t work
>I’m 10 years old
>Dad sexually assaults me
>go running to mom
>get angry and scream what the fuck to my mom
>mom tells me to stop cursing
>tells me sometimes dad touches her like that
>says thats just how your father is
>I internalize it as being my fault
Modern society was a mistake and I want to go back
>I decide to buckle down and focus on my studies
>use my academic skills to get affection from adults in my life
>compete in county, regional and state level math competitions
>start testing 12.9 on my reading tests in 4th grade.
>make great friends with another kid in my gifted class
>we hang out all the time and become best friends
>I loved him
>I make him friendship bracelets and he doesn’t wear them
>ask him why he doesn’t wear the things I made for him
>he tells me that he doesn’t want to wear my gay bracelets and doesn’t want to be gay with me
>I don’t know how to feel
>We keep working together in accelerated classes but I never do stuff like that again
>get placed in accelerated courses in middle school again
>get labeled as gay by older kids
>people make fun of me and spread rumors about me behind my back
>start dating a girl I have no feelings for to get people to leave me alone
>hang out with the weebs and ADD kids who get in trouble all the time
>they make fun of me sometimes but I feel like they care about me
>we get kicked out of classes and put in ISS together
>I do my best to ignore the people who treat me like shit
>get to skip 7th grade
>can finally see a path to escaping my hick town
>parents talk to me about going to boarding school
>I continue to work on my studies
>Trump runs for president
>support him half-ironically because fuck the libs lmao
>my grandparents hate him and want Kasich or Rubio to win
>I don’t give a shit, I just think he’s funny
>I score the top place in my county for our states standardized history testing
>get accepted by one of the best boarding schools in the country
>mfw I finally get to escape the abuse of my homelife
>dad sits me down a week before I go to boarding school
>tells me that he’ll kick me out of the house if I turn into a liberal faggot
>am terrified of him beating me again
>repress hard and dive further into politics
>8th grade and Freshman year all of my peers start going through puberty
>I don't
>Everyone is bigger than me
>Boys start singing Tenor and Baritone
>I keep singing with the girls
>girl start growing breasts
>I don't
>Feel alienated from my peers
>people start sexually harassing me
>boys that are years older than me decide I'm an easy target
>spend most of middle-school and high-school being sexually assaulted
>Associate a core part of my identity with abuse
>Decide that coming out this point would be humiliating and just giving in to it
>hurt myself whenever I have gay or trans thoughts
>want to join the proudboys because I think it will fix me
>get into manosphere content
>working out doesn’t work
>fasting doesn’t work
>nofap doesn’t work
>want to kill myself
>stop functioning and get kicked out of my first boarding school
>I go to my second boarding school for junior year credits
>struggle to complete coursework, continue self harming
>eventually I break
>tell my mom I like boys and I want to be a girl
>get sent to conversion therapy
>get sent to a lockdown RTC in Utah
>parents have me placed in a boys group
>guys think I'm a girl, find out I'm not 3 days into it
>they start sexually harassing me
>telling me all the ways they're going to rape me
>older men beat the shit out of me until I'm coughing up blood
>staff doesn't punish them
>eventually my parents pull me
>mfw nothing feels real anymore
>mfw when my family shuns me and my parents wont use my chosen name
>don't leave the house for months
>naturally feminine
pic unrelated I guess?
>start growing breasts at 16
>keep growing my hair out
>my mom tries to get me to cut my hair
>wants me to have top surgery, tells me I can take TRT
>tell her I don't want to and she gets upset
>have nightmares about people raping me and beating me
>eventually leave the house to serve at my local food pantry
>find comfort in my church
>old ladies fawn over me
>tell me how pretty my hair is
>how my voice is so pure
>strangers think I'm a girl
>feel like I belong somewhere
>get ripped away from that when my parents send me to wilderness again
>end up on the other side of the country in a halfway house
>turn 18 there
>get on HRT so I don’t kms
>try to piece my life back together
>don’t leave my apartment for days or weeks at a time
>feel like everyone wants to kill me
>terrified some car is gonna swerve to hit me on the sidewalk
>eventually find a church that doesn’t hate me for my brokenness
>my pastor brings me into the fold
>loose my parents because they hate me for being a tranny faggot
>accept my homosexuality
>start dating boys
>keep presenting as a girl like I have since I was 16
>starting to think I look pretty and can make it
>I make enough money playing guitar in front of bars that I can pay my utilities
>Republicans need a new sacrificial lamb for the culture war
>decide trannies are an easy target
>now trannies are on the news
>on facebook
>people in public start talking about trannies
>now I can't exist in society anymore
>people don't know if I'm a boy or a girl
>mothers look at me with contempt and fear
>people are protective of their children when they see me
>all of society decides that I'm the rapist
All I ever wanted was for men to stop hurting me and for women to accept me. I wanted to entertain people and be a part of my community. I wanted to be a part of my church. I wanted to be a part of a family, even if I wasn't going to have any kids. But all of that has been ripped away from me because some Jews 2500 years ago were angered by competing tribes and wrote it into their holy book. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I look in-between and people are scared of me because of it.
I'm sorry I have genetic problems and this happens to be one of the things wrong with me. In any other time period I would have died very young, but that doesn't mean people should shun me like a leper.
What am I supposed to do? Why do I have to exist in a society that hates me for no fucking reason. Why do people who are like me have to suffer so much because normies are assholes?
L
TLDR
FPBP
you should write a book or something idk. ur a good writer and you have a compelling life. maybe you could convince a handful of people to treat us as humans, and im sure it would be therapeutic to get it all out there
HOLY FUCK YOU KILLED HIM
what happened to autistics before modern society?
I was considering posting this on Any Forums but I didn't want kiwis on my ass. Also blogposting is much more frowned upon there than it is here. I've tried to carve out a life for myself but normalfags are fucking stupid and can't get over themselves. It just feels like theres nothing for me here.
Thank you for complimenting my writing, it means a lot
It sounds like you wouldn't be trans if you hadn't been abused.
trannies would be religious figures at their local temples because they were seen as being closer to god. There were roles for trannies, eunuchs and intersex people in plenty of historical civilizations
I honestly have no clue and I don't really care at this point. If I am trans because of abuse, it seems to be so deeply baked into my development as a person that I can't fix it.
I probably would've been a gay prettyboy that took puer mirifica if I hadn't been abused.
theres no point in trying to convince anons online, but i could totally see your story touching the hearts of some christian mothers who "just have some concerns with the lgbt agenda"
If this isn't a larp, hope you survive and manage to find some stability, security and peace in your life at some point user and the means to work through your trauma and get to a point where life isn't just survival mode and you can actually begin to live.
My mom is extremely religious. She thinks I'm trans because of abuse and wants me to repress and be non-functional because she values her right to a son over my right to not suffer. I really don't think theres any way of reaching her but if I was able to keep someone else's mom from doing this to them I would.
Its not. I've been doing that for the last year. I've really made a lot of progress with this therapist and am working on receiving SSI for my PTSD. In the last month I've been able to start taking my life back from depression and its fucking amazing.
But I still have a lot of work ahead of me and things are really fucking hard. Writing music about it helps
I mean, you probably are trans because of abuse. But if it helps you cope with life it's probably ok, it's definitely better than self harm.
is right, your life story is compelling. There is a bright future ahead of you.