How do I know if inability to enjoy sex is dysphoria or not?
I'm ftm and been with my boyfriend for four years. During this time we've never had penetrative sex. We tried once, I winced, and he refused to try again because he didn't want to hurt me. Our sex life consists of me giving him oral and hand jobs, which is fine for me, but he's not happy about not being able to return the favour.
I can masturbate, somewhat, though never for long and never to orgasm, and if I try to keep going after the few seconds that my arousal lasts, nothing happens - once it's gone, it's gone. I don't think it's dysphoria, I've never felt a *need* to get genital surgery. Before having my breasts removed in 2020, I was uncomfortable with them all the time, and the feeling went away immediately after surgery, and I just haven't felt the same about bottom surgery. I don't like the thought of having anything unnecessary dangling in there.
I've been suggested to start from the very basics with him, just seeing what kind of touching I enjoy, sexually and non-sexually, and while doing that, I've found that I simply don't like being touched. When it comes to oral and handjobs, my partner has complained that there's no comfortable position to do it where he could touch me too, and I prefer being the big spoon while cuddling because I don't like having someone's hands on me - even my partner, whom I love and absolutely trust.
We've been talking about trying to peg him to see if I'd like that, but honestly what sounds like the best part about the idea is that he wouldn't see my face and couldn't tell that I'm bored. He's wanted to go down on me, but I hate the idea so much that I'd rather spend an afternoon having a migraine than have anyone's mouth anywhere near down there.
Everything about this applies to me except I don’t have a boyfriend and I would LOVE to peg someone Especially this >I prefer being the big spoon while cuddling because I don't like having someone's hands on me - even my partner, whom I love and absolutely trust I can cum though, have you tried a vibrator? I don’t need one but it takes me an hour minimum to cum
I've tried a vibrator and was disappointed to learn that one of those can't make me cum either. I've been told that I would know if I've had an orgasm, so I guess I can say I've literally never had one in my life.
Cooper Gutierrez
>I've been told that I would know if I've had an orgasm bleakest shit I've ever seen, jesus christ.
Damn. Well, not sure what I can say. Try pegging ig, and good luck. Maybe up your dose of T to see if it does anything for your sex drive
Xavier Rivera
>Our sex life consists of me giving him oral and hand jobs
Jesus Christ that sounds perfect. I envy your BF
Justin Sullivan
>no dysphoria >hate penetration >hate the idea of oral perhaps you don't know what dysphoria is
Thomas Mitchell
Do you think not wanting to be touched there is dysphoria?
With my chest, I knew I wanted to get rid of them before I knew that was even an option. It felt disgusting, unpleasant and uncomfortable the whole time I had them, and waking up from surgery all I felt was pure relief.
Do you think I'd want to be touched there if I had surgery?
Julian Harris
>Do you think not wanting to be touched there is dysphoria? of course >Do you think I'd want to be touched there if I had surgery? I don't know. Maybe. But I think you told me otherwise last time you posted.
Christian Ward
I'm not sure if I'm willing to go through irreversible surgery just for a random unlikely chance that it'll fix something without a professional opinion that it might.
Joshua Gomez
well idk what to tell you. go find said professional I guess. it's not that farfetched to suggest a trans man who hates everything to do with the vagina might want a penis, but you've got to answer for yourself.
Gabriel Ross
I don't think I like the idea of having anyone touch my penis either, if I had one.
Jayden Walker
yeah you have some serious sexual repression going on
Parker Mitchell
I have this exact same thing as a ftm I hate the idea of anyone touching me because I think they wouldn’t stop if I asked them to and none of it makes me feel good or safe. I’ve never been raped or sexually assaulted or even touched sexually in my life, I don’t know why I feel this way
Landon Jenkins
I would guess both of you wish it was a penis but it's not the only possible explanation
Austin Adams
It feels like I went so long without physical contact that I became a schizoid and now I can’t stand it anymore. The idea of anyone touching me for any reason seems bad
Leo Diaz
ITT: Future detrans
Tyler Thompson
it's not even necessarily true
Dominic Hall
Bottoms who don't have orgasms are true bottoms
Bottoms who enjoy sex are just larpers
Prove me wrong
Hunter Miller
have you tried packing with an actual packer (ie not socks)
James Hall
Why would I detrans if I hate the thing about myself that make me a girl, this doesn’t even make any sense I’ve been transitioning for 5 years, medically for 3, I’m getting top surgery scheduled, and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I just don’t like being touched. Never have before, either.
