how do i get over my extreme self hatred over being gay?
i thought it'd go away over time, that maybe it'd get better when i got to university and entered a more accepting environment
but it didn't go away, if anything it's gotten worse since i got sexually assaulted a little bit (very mildly, just grinding at the club, i told him to stop but he wouldn't leave me alone and harassed me until i left) by a man since i got here, but whatever
i've turned down multiple men that i have been attracted to, just because i'm too disgusted and scared
i just want to live a normal life, and have a normal partner, but i don't feel like i can, i just can't stop thinking "faggot, faggot, faggot"
i feel like some of these feeling stem from being raped as a man when i was young (probably the reason i'm gay), but idk
How do i get over my extreme self hatred over being gay?
If you got raped, it's probably already over, give up on the possibility of a normal relationship.
i don't think that's true, i hold hope that i can have a normal relationship, i just have a couple mental barriers that i need to get over :)
I mean, exposure therapy works for fear reasonably well. Basically, you'd need someone to play gay chicken with?
i did kinda do that, i kissed a guy for like a long time, but then i woke up and cried and had a really bad couple weeks after
it kinda mentally wrecked me
oh also, not raped AS a man, i got raped BY a man
sorry, i'm a little drunk
okay that makes things difficult, but I don't think a single instance without someone being there for aftercare is gonna be of much use. I am thinking more along the lines of having someone be there for you and actively help you on a daily basis.
transition
pretend to be a woman like most of the other dudes here
if women like men that's ok!
i don't know how i'd find a person like that, that's like a massive amount of effort and idk if i could just ask someone to do that for me, it seems selfish
also the guy did not do aftercare, we just made out and he left and then i slept, so maybe that's what i need
lol
You will need to just tell a partner what they are in for instead of declining. A partner is no therapist but imho these things are fine in a relationship. I slept mostly with virgins so I am used to weeks and weeks of loving preparation and brain deworming
well desu, you seem especially abnormal, 100% of the guys i've spoken to just want to get some, then leave
which honestly hasn't helped a lot with my perception of gay men
i still don't know where exactly i'd find a man like that, let alone one i'd also happen to want to be in a relationship with
nta, but
1) hue
2) stop it
>captcha: 4VAGTG
Maybe it's because I'm literally a low-T bifag but I'm just very lovey dovey by default, even to friends
i'm very lovey too, though i usually repress it cause people called me a faggot all through my schooling :(
i've only found one other person who's lovey like that, and they're a gay woman
I got raped by a man at age 19, definitely was not okay for a long time after that. But I'm 26 now and finally feel like I accept and love myself again. I wish I could give you some really good advice, but honestly I coped horrendously for the next ~4 years. I basically sabotaged myself in all aspects of life due to immense self-hatred, despite having some great opportunities and being (prior to this) generally bright and capable.
All I can say is that as bad as you feel right now, it's possible to come back from almost any kind of personal tragedy and find yourself again. Human beings are like that, and it's happening for me finally. I had to find some more respectful and close people to be intimate with and have some experiences that were safe and comfortable for me.
I got a lot of power and self-love back when I met a really cool cis f dominatrix who put me through my first BDSM sessions, getting her male/enby friends involved as time went on. It felt so liberating to deliberately put my body through some pain/humiliation/complete submission to the control and desires of others, knowing that all along that it was something I had chosen, with people who were attentive to my health and safety, and who would instantly stop at any time if it became too much much for me.
Now I'm thriving again, have a job I love that I'm kicking ass at, new place, happier than ever, feeling ready to date again soon. Unfortunately I moved and so did that group of people, but I feel like I got what I needed from those experiences, and I'm sure I'll cross paths with them and/other other cool doms again. I do miss it.
TL;DR:
>Don't: drown yourself in alcohol and bad casual sex while totally fucking up your life
>Do: befriend a cool dominatrix who will arrange for you to get beaten up by her friends and then dicked down by her cool pornstar BF, in a loving and safe/consensual way
Your mileage may vary, good luck user
Phone posting rn cause I'm cooking, but idk how I'd meet a dominatrix, or if I'd even like that :/
Idk what I even like sexually, cause I'm immediately repulsed by the thought of having sex in general
Also, sorry to say, I am drowning in alcohol, I'm actually drunk rn
Idk, I'm just coping however I can, cause either I keep coping poorly, or I just die ig
Also, I'm 19 and got raped when I was like 10 or something, I don't remember 100% when it was
keep looking user. I was bullied for it too but now I just make a lot of friends that way, and some end up as lovers.
idk, i repressed it and pushed it down for a very long time, and i'm so worried about making people uncomfortable that i just never do it
idk how to feel be okay being more of myself
The way that helped me was to just have someone who let me be like this. I dunno if that is helpful to you..
i have one, but also like i'm kinda bpd, at least that's what my therapist kinda informally diagnosed me as
so, i'm very afraid of upsetting people, or coming off as weird and stuff
so idk, i cram myself very far into a box
ig i might need serious help
you probably need to untrain some habits
how tho?
and which ones?
Basically you'd need to practice saying what you want to say rather than what you feel obligated to until it becomes second nature again