Be me

> Be me
> Clocky anorexic twinkhon
> Break up with sexually and verbally abusive boyfriend
> Feel ugly and undesirable, more than ever before
> Make up imaginary boyfriend
> It feels a little weird at first, but it makes me feel better
> Shopping at target, see body pillow.
> Bring it home, and dress it up in pretransition clothes
> Cuddle it every single night
> Start thinking about him constantly
> Write journal entries about him
> All of my fantasies are about him
> I start going on dates alone, and imagining him there
> Do this 3+ times a week
> Stop feeling a desire to date real boys at all
> A nice boy in one of my classes asks if I wanted to get lunch sometime
> Tell him, I will think about it

I dont really want to go (It feels like cheating), but it feels weird to reject a nice cute cis boy. Am I making a mistake?

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date him and get him to wear your old clothes and stuff to replace the pillow

Three posts for the price of one?

That's called a waifu and many weebs have done this but with their favorite anime girl. You should try a nice dinner with him sitting across from you, it's great.

Its different from that, I made him up. And its not that creepy, I dont think

I wish

Yes it’s exactly that creepy

Not really, Im not a fat man obsessing over a cartoon character who looks like a child

It doesn't matter what's happening inside your head when you do it. It's functionally the same. A lonely person descending into a fantasy world and using a large pillow as a surrogate for human touch, to the point it interferes with their real life. You're no better than the weeb just because you imagine a man instead of a girl. In fact most men would feel just as threatened by you fantasizing about something adjacent to themselves, as women and you feel threatened by weebs fantasizing about 2D highschool girls. So if you're basing your imagined superiority on the feelings of the imaginary victim, you got nothing.

So I should throw away the pillow, and go on the date with the real person who is interested in me. thank you.

Keep the pillow, it's comfy. Just stop dressing it up.

Do you happen to have an avoidant personality? I only ask because a rich inner fantasy life, is usually a pretty big feature.
Could you describe your imaginary husband? What kind of man is he, what he like?

I think I do, he is really great! Whenever I talk to him, he really cares about everything i say. He is really passionate about music and does a one man dsbm project! He really cherishes me and thinks im really pretty, but he still really respects me. and always wants me to be comfortable, with whatever happens physically

okay

Hmmm seems like a sweet and considerate man, with an eye for a lovely, goofy girl...
I always just fantasize about someone I like atm, being kind and sweet to me.
But like I am starting to wonder if it's really all that different.

If only my friends knew i was imagining them petting and kissing me every night as I straddle my pillow as i try to sleep ^_^
I think they would be flattered... Maybe...
But please tell your husband I said hello.

you'd be less clocky if you gained weight. Being anorexic thins your hair out retard

I will!! The first sentence made me smile!!!!! Im just worried I'm too dependent on him, and that if I stop dating him, I wont find a guy who is as good as him

I would be more clocky if I was fat, I pass better since ive lost all the weight. I used to be 225ish now Im 145

And there is like 0% chance the guy from my class will be, but he is real. And my boyfriend isn't. And if I go on the date with him and I don't like him, its not like I can go back.

Aww i am glad, i just can't help but recognize good taste in woman, your husband included.
It's always nice to have something or someone to give you comfort. Maybe your kind husband, is someone that'd be hard for a man to live up too. But I can promise you there are men, who will make you feel just as loved and cherished.

But in the mean time and for the rest of time, it's not like something you couldn't pick back up.
How tall are you and how the fat carry on you? Like why did it not look good? Wonder as i am trying to go up from 130 at 5'4. Already don't like the tummy lol

That makes alot of sense! Maybe I could try to lean on him less, and maybe look for real boyfriends. Im really worried any other guys will end up like my ex.

Im 6'1, and the fat pretty much all carried in my stomach, but since Ive started E Ive always been below 190, so maybe it would be different if I gained it again

Same, but with the shork. I just talk to him, wish him good night and good morning, hug him when I'm feeling down, complain about shit when I'm irritated.