i need this to fucking stop, but that ain't gonna happen so i need to numb it. i cut a few days ago, the first time in a year or so, and fuck. it gives me exactly what i need in the moment i need it, but it only lasts a few seconds, and i'm running out of space on my thighs. i'm not super keen on a having a body full of scars, one more thing to make me hate this body. i tried alcohol but it doesn't help at all, like, if anything it just amplifies my awareness of my misery, and i hate being super drunk with all the loss of fine motor skills and slurred speech and shit, but moderation just makes me sad like i said. what drugs can i take which might help? i smoked a lil weed in highschool but i can't really remember if it helped. i just need relief. respite. repreive. i need the nothingness which i get from cutting without cutting. it's just the pain, the blood and the blade. my mind goes blank. i am dead without dying.
tldnr: what drugs can i, an extremely depressed, miserable fucked up mtf tranny take to numb myself? on topic because tranny and dysphoric
i just did three shots of tequila. it's like that stupid definition of insanity. doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. but i just can't be sober right now.
I was the same, minus the cutting Hrt didn't help but I just started an ssri and I think it might be
Wyatt Butler
bpdemon thread detected
Jace Wilson
which one? i'm sure at this point i tried them all. it helps, for a couple months maybe, but you know... the feeling you get from withdrawl helps even more. it's like you lose control of your body and certain functions, and you resign yourself to the sickness, it gives you something to focus on, something that isn't the unending monotomy of the human construct.
Sertraline. I'm still adjusting to it but I definitely want to kms less and I feel like maybe I can do more They've also got me on other stuff too though so it could be that now that I think about it Also that kinda surprises me, I've heard terrible things about withdrawal but I guess it makes sense
James Lee
you look into the infinite pool of crimson, and everything else is washed away by its pulsing tide. how deep is too deep? will i regret it tomorrow? how long can this last? such questions are irrelevant because your mind is born anew, clean and pure. free from the tainted human world. cutting is the only thing i have found which works, but the moment is so fleeting. please.
that's cool. i'm glad whatever cocktail you are on is helping. fingers crossed it last. i was on the gihest dose my doctor was allowed to prescribe for sertraline. people say it's super strong stuff, but it did nothing for me :( yeah iunn owithdrawl is just kinda nice because it's interesting. you know. it's not boring. it's something different.
Yeah I hope so, also that sucks, but yeah weed might help. I know someone who was on an ssri that didn't really work for them and were using weed and psychedelics to cope instead after they got off it I remember feeling pretty good for a little while after trying lsd
Tyler Collins
3 whole shots of tequila..... Holy SHIT...
Logan Roberts
yeah might see if i can get some weed and see what happens. lsd seems cool but prolly an expensive habit which i can't really maintain right now.
jus finished of the single malt i had. might as well keep going with all the alcohol i have left around my aprtment. this feels pathetic, like i'm just some loser drowning my problems, but like, i've tried everything else. my diet is perfect, i exercise reguarly, i've spoken to every doctor and tried every fucking prescription drug. literally cutting is all that helps, and maybe sometimes alcohol or recreational drugs. i want to stop living but i don't want to die. anyway sorry to have a breakdown.
so like, in my drunk state, i'm thinking "holy shit yeah i should just whore myself out on grindr to get free drugs and shit" but then i remember my dysphoria and that i'm a virgin and i feel grossed out and uncormfortable with sex. but to get drugs otherwise i'd probably have to message my friends from school who haven't spoken to me sincei said i am trooning out. i'm a neet (obv) so it's not like i can support my own drug habit, and will drugs even help me long term? fuck dude. maybe instead of asking for drugs i should ask for a knife to the neck.
i lied. i found more tequila. enough for two more shots. still though buy me weed.
fuuuuuck. i hate this. i hate this so much. i'm gonna wake up tomorrow with a hangover and wonder what the point was. it's time, right? i should kill myself. i'm almost 30. i don't pass without ffs. i'm fat and ugly and stupid and autistic and depressed and stupid and fat and never gonna be happy. it's time? it's time?
delta 8 for me is dramatically more euphoric i can have intense rolling brain orgasms i can't even stop sometimes, it feels like giving birth but pleasure or something its the most amazing thing humans can feel, it depends alot on emotional state though and can go a sad/crying way too which is also a nice release
