Being lgbt is possibly the worst thing that could have ever happened to me

i feel very similarly, except people are right when they call me a disgusting freak, and i will never troon out

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I definitely feel like a disgusting freak too, I just don't want other people to know. I can't help that I feel like this but it feels so wrong. I don't know if I ever will troon out, but relating to that image pretty hard... I think it would be easier for me to stop thinking about trooning out if I knew I absolutely couldn't pass, but like I'm almost sure I could pass, so it's driving me fucking insane. I could keep living like this and get more and more miserable and barely ever feel alive or happy but have a normal life and have people like me, or I could troon out and be a cute passoid at best or a slightly clocky but cute twinkhon at worst but have to deal with fucked up interpersonal relationships, tranny haters, all of the shame and awkwardness of coming out to people, all of the pain and recovery and expenses of surgeries, all that kind of stuff... It's so fucking lame and I wish I was cis so badly, but my brain will not stop being disgusted with the idea of me being a man and daydreaming about being a woman instead.

you're lucky, at least you could probably pass, meanwhile i look like a barrel chested bodybuilder and should probably kill myself
it's all so tiresome, and desu i might just give up entirely, because the pain i feel on a daily basis is so overwhelming, and would only get worse were i to do the things people claim will help me (e.g. trooning out and kissing men)

I guess the grass is always greener, I thought maybe if I looked super masc I could get the idea out of my head and just live. I suppose it doesn't really work that way. Are you sure you're not just being BBD? You could make measurements and stuff and see. I thought I was super masc and could never pass but I took measurements and my body is pretty much all a reasonable range for cis women, but on the taller end. I was also seeing my face as like a total gigachad neanderthal face but I put it in FaceApp and saw that barely anything had to change. Hopefully like you aren't as bad as you think you are or there's some way to come to terms. This whole condition really sucks, I feel completely disgusting and deranged, like a mentally ill man, and there's no cure to make myself feel better besides to turn myself into a freak reviled by most of society.

>I thought maybe if I looked super masc I could get the idea out of my head and just live
it doesn't really t. super masc
i've never taken measurements, they'd probably make me want to kill myself, but i get compliments on my masculine physique, usually at the gym
i get complimented on how tall i am, how big my chest and shoulders are, etc, my only saving grace is that i have a babyface, but it doesn't bring me much solace
i really should kill myself, you sound so lucky

I've had people tell me that I'm tall and have big shoulders and stuff too which kinda destroyed me at the time but like I'm basically average height and my shoulders aren't that big. Maybe it's just like that? I feel like such an absolute idiot for squandering what I have by being an anxious and scared mess just stuck in thought loops but unable to bring myself to troon out when there are transwomen who had it worse off than me and went for it anyways and turned out fine. I'm such an absolute pussy who doesn't want to upset anyone and transitioning is the scariest thing I can think of, besides like prolonged torture.

Hey OP, I don't know what you are or what you've been through so I'm not going to pretend I know about your life at all. What I can say as an east euro lateshit tranny with a lot of childhood trauma and other mental issues is that life isn't that bad. There are times when you feel like it would be better to just vanish, an hero or get killed. But then there are times when you suddenly just notice you are actually enjoying life a bit. You find your place in the world, you get to know people who accept you and like you despite what you are, or as what you are. Or maybe you don't, the world isn't a place where everyone is guaranteed a share of happiness. But one thing is certain: give up at any point and you will never have your share. Maybe it's a naïve and silly hope that times get better but it kept me going and I'm improving. I couldn't imagine ever smiling genuinely again but that's what I do nowadays. The old me with a bunch of suicide attempts seems so far away. Things can get better for you too, so pls don't give up!

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What you mean? Everyone loves the gays. You fags have an entire month for yourselves and both governments and companies promote being gay.

ik for a fact that i'm more masculine, i come from a family of rowers, so big back, chest and shoulders, also i'm 6ft
plus my puberty is pretty much done, so it just so over for me
you probably have a chance, i think
that's one of the sweetest replies i've ever gotten, so thank you
i think we'd have had some in common, in trauma (i've got sex trauma :

I guess it depends on proportions then, because I know cis girls who are six feet tall or better. If it's all skeletal there's maybe not a ton you can do but if a lot of the bulk is muscle it's probably fixable. I know like Laura Jane Grace is 6'3" or something and doesn't regret transitioning still, it got to the point where like she was probably going to kill herself if she didn't do it so she just went for it. I don't think all hope is lost especially if you're babyfaced and your proportions aren't too out of whack for your height.
My puberty is definitely more than done, I'm going to be 28 in a month, I don't want to be a doomer or anything but these kinds of feelings don't really go away. Plus, a good deal of the time it comes down to genetics, I've seen people transition after 30 and pass better and look better than people who transitioned at 13. You might get breaks from the feelings here and there but they'll come back. I've tried for so long to fight them and like, I've done so many different things to try and just make them go away or ignore them or turn myself "normal", but nothing has worked for me. I really wish I wasn't like this it I feel like a cornered animal running out of options. I can't change what my brain wants.

i'm probably going to kill myself anyhow on account of one of my other numerous mental issues
it doesn't really inspire me much confidence that i could maybe, if i'm lucky, have a 0.1% chance of getting to be a twinkhon, more likely i'll just be a gross dude with weird gyno
it's super over for me, even tho you're like a decade older than me you'd probably have a better shot
i really just want to cope and seethe before my body eventually implodes
i have faith in you tho, good luck :)